When I tell Jay that I love him, sometimes I catch myself breathing out the words too quickly. I realize that in those moments I should savor every reason that I do love him. I love his smile, his laugh, the sparkle in his eyes (by the way, that sparkle is what makes me continue to believe in magick every day—in those eyes I can see Santa Claus, Disneyworld, Harry Potter, and all the power of fairy tales rolled together). We hear so many people pining away over trying to find their Prince Charming. I have found mine. Or should I say mine has become my Prince Charming over the years. The longer we are together, the more I am allowed to see the attributes that make him a wonderful, incredible prince.
We have friends that we tell, “I love you so much!” I think I have figured out how much “Much” is. Love is a wonderful feeling all its own. Love makes our head spin, makes us feel attachment, makes us connected. “Much” is the overwhelming feeling that we get when we talk to that person. It is that comfort we feel when we hug them. It is that part of love that is so big we can’t contain it or explain it. “Much” is that magickal part of love that makes strangers into brothers and sisters. “Much” is that magickal part of love that makes us treasure someone we have never even physically met.
I have a huge amount of “Much” and “Love” in my life thanks to a circle of lovely sisters and brothers. We are all of different backgrounds and geographical locations. We do not look at all alike. Most of us have never even met in person. Let me tell you, though, that I love them so MUCH!! These sisters and brothers “get” me. They understand who I am and where I am coming from. We laugh together tremendously. We cry together often, and we hurt together and for each other deeply. There is such a connectivity within our circle. I am overwhelmed by this.
Being a gay man, I realized early on that my family would have to be created. As much as I love my real family, there are things that they will just never understand about me. There are parts of me that they selectively get to know. I have always believed that family finds you. This can not be truer. Each person in my circle of friends has become my family. I can so easily see myself sitting around a really large dining room table with gallons of ice cream, eating and yacking our heads off…..talking about everything and anything. Each time I talk to them, it is like the most enjoyable fun-packed family reunion ever planned. I chat with at least one, if not all of them on a daily basis and something is always making us laugh or cry.
I watched a movie called, “A Dog Named Christmas” a couple of weekends ago. In the movie, I watched as a stray went from stranger, to friend, to family. This dog protected the ones he loved. He helped them work through issues. He played and romped and got outrageous with the family. He fought obstacles to be with them. In the end, he was only searching for someone that was comfortable to him and that he could trust, someone to hold him close to his heart and let him know that he was safe.
I honestly have to tell you, at this point in my life……I have never felt safer.