Playing in the Dirt

It has been a hellacious month of February.  It seems like so many issues have been popping up all around me.  Personal issues, issues that involve others, so many things swirling around. 

I don’t know if you have realized it yet, but the courtyard surrounding the condo I live in has become my escape.  I have spent more time in that courtyard after everyone else has gone to work or bed.  I have needed the smell of the plants, the dirt, and anything representing the outside. 

I have found that the different elements stir different things within me.  Fire brings passion and energy, Water brings healing and movement, Air brings hope and playfulness, but Earth brings comfort and stability.  Over this past month, I have needed Mother Earth like no other time in my life.  I have hungered to crawl into her lap as a child would its parent, as a puppy would its companion.  I have desired for time with my collection of stones.  Spending extra time admiring them, researching them, holding them, and memorizing the vibrations that each one holds.

My brain has been reeling–moving almost too fast to catch up with itself.  I feel as if I have been trapped on the Tilt-A-Whirl at the fairground…..you know when you get to that cusp of almost vomitting.  It is at that moment you close your eyes and pray that will make everything stand still.

February, to me, is a month of memories….not all good, not all bad….mostly complicated.  February, for me, is a month of introspection.  I become almost hermit-like.  It takes all that I have to socialize or even be personable.  It is a time for me to huddle underground  and hibernate.

I am a strong person.  I am a fighter. I am a warrior. I am a fragile child who needs his mother to comfort him.  I am reminded of a song that I learned long ago in the Christian church.  It is called, “If I Could Just Sit With You Awhile.”

If I could just sit with you awhile.

If you could just hold me.

Nothing can touch me, though I’m wounded,

Though I die.

If I could just sit with you awhile.

I need you to hold me.

Moment by moment, til forever passes by.

I feel if I could curl up in the arms of the goddess, the Earth Mother, that I would be fine.  It is those moments that I feel the need to touch her creation.  I inspect every plant for some indication of a bud or a blossom.  I touch the soil to feel her very heartbeat. 

It has been such an unseasonably warm winter, this year.  Blossoms and buds have started early.  It seems as though winter has bypassed us.  I looked outside the courtyard wall and saw the beginnings of the grape muscari and the daffodils. I reached down to feel the nest of earth that they were resting in.  It felt calm, serene, peaceful.  That was the feeling I needed.

I went Saturday and bought 2 rosebushes and some bulbs.  I spent most of the late morning and early afternoon digging in and massaging the earth.  Placing the bushes in the most suiting places.  Methodically, I placed the bulbs into their new homes.  Enjoying each stroke of my hand over and into the dirt.  It was a calming place.  I could feel that calming, serene energy of the Earth Mother enveloping me……asking me to sit with her, enjoy my time with her, and think on nothing but that time and place.

I have been trying to make myself live in the moment more this week.  I have been trying to play in the dirt more.  I have been reaching my hand into the soil and looking forward to feeling her hand reach back and caress mine saying, “You don’t always have to be so strong…..”

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3 thoughts on “Playing in the Dirt

  1. Wow. This is so powerful, and puts the words and music to what I feel this time of year. Tonight at dusk I took a tiny rake and looked for signs of my stonecrop, columbine, daylilies and the strong spires of my irises. Rosebushes are strong and leafing out…azaleas are peeking through, and the earth is just alive. This is our healing time, our hopeful time. Thank you ALWAYS for your voice and words! ♥

  2. “you don’t always have to be so strong….” these words touched me deeply as it was a very hard lesson for me to learn. Even Gaia shows us that. She shows us when the newly planted tree gets hit by a hard wind and gets pulled out by the roots. Sometimes it dies and sometimes it gets help and replanted. She shows us with the changing of the seasons and the leaves that have to dry up and fall off the branches; no longer strong enough to hang on and yet they become compost for the tree they have fallen from. February is a good month to hibernate! It offers us so much of the elements to rest with! Fire in the fireplace, winds of the winter, water from the snow/rain, and crisp cold air to make us want to pull within ourselves. Thank you for powerful words! You are truly a child of the Goddess and Her lap awaits you! Blessed be !

  3. O honey, I just want to put my arms around you, and rub dirt all over you. I hope this all comes to pass. The earth will heal you, the elements will rebuild you. BB

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