Stirring the Pot

I was raised in the south.  In my family, you were taught not to show any kind of vulnerability.  That meant that any emotion you felt, you buried.  When you felt sad, no one knew it.  When you felt disappointed, no one knew it.  When you felt angry, no one knew it.  If anyone asked how you were doing, the proper southern response was, “Why, fine.  Thank you for asking.”  We all learned early to live behind a smoke screen.

Now, I was sexually abused from the ages of four to fourteen.  Who did it is not important. Why it was done is not relevant to this story.  I reveal this only to preface the fact that I had a load of hidden emotions buried deep within me.  I started going to a psychologist at the age of twenty to deal with these feelings.  I went only because I was dealing with some depression.  Next thing I know, I am dosed with Sodium Pentothal and I am discussing the events that led up to the visit to the psych.

It really surprised me that I didn’t feel sad.  I did not feel numb.  I felt angry.  I was angry that someone took something from me and I essentially had no control over it.  He took my innocence. 

As I said before, with my family, it is all about saving face.  I was told to keep this to myself.  Don’t be angry at the person….it is all about the forgiveness.  Well, I listened carefully to what my mama and papa told me and then…….I let it fly!  I let every ounce of anger that had built up in me for all those years loose.  No dragon could have had more power behind it.  Looking back, I see now  that this is when I began to see glimpses of magick in my life. 

I had worked in the church for years.  I listened carefully as people again told me that I had to forgive.  I had to bury those feelings of anger and replace them with love.  I started studying the Bible even more.  God experienced anger.  God was a wrathful god.  Jesus got angry.  I researched other religions and faiths.

This was when I began to dabble in witchcraft (Oooooooooooo).  I studied the gods and goddesses.  I studied the Morrigan.  Hmmmm a goddess of war. It was then that I realized my destiny.  I did not have to hide or camouflage my anger.  I could use it—make something constructive of it.  I realized at that point that when you combine the anger with the workings of magick that you get a powerful result.  I am not talking about hexing people.  I am talking about pushing every ounce of that energy into the spellwork.

Many nights I have stood over the cauldron with a flame burning inside (me as well as in the cauldron).  As I started the magick with the anger seething deep within, I found that as I meditated on whatever the need was (whether healing, or financial needs, or protection), the anger fanned the flame.  It brought power  to the moment. 

As an example, I have a dear, dear friend who had to have brain surgery recently.  It was the anger at whatever was invading her body that brought the magick to a boiling point.  It was the love that I had for her that fanned that energy and pushed it out into the universe.

For these reasons, I never hold onto or hide my anger anymore.  I push it out, confront it, and move beyond it.  Sometimes you really just have to put into words exactly what you feel.  Once it is out there, there is room for the love and healing to take place.

Am I an angry person?  No….not anymore. I say what I think, when I think it.  Does that make me a bitch?  Sometimes.  Does it strengthen my magickal life?  Definitely.

There is a reason that Native Americans give war cries in their ceremonies.  It is a cry out to the Great Spirit.  My war cry is loud, piercing, and fierce.  It accomplishes all I need it to.

A Meeting at the Crossroads…

I can remember the very first time I was ever introduced to the name Hekate.  I was in high school and I was reading Macbeth.  I got to the scene with the witches and read that the main witches name was Hekate.  I thought, “What a really cool name for a witch!”  Little did I know at that time that I would have so many more encounters with Hekate on an up close and personal basis..

About 6 years ago, we had just moved into a small cottage at a crossroad.  It was a rough looking little cottage, but I could still appreciate what it offered.  It was a two bedroom, one bath with a built in bookcase in the living room.  The dining room would work perfectly as a small office and there was plenty of room out back for a large garden and smaller herb gardens.  I was excited….but there was also something that was really strange feeling about the property.  It was not a bad strange, but definitely a strange feeling.

The first week we lived there, my partner and I were out in the backyard late at night letting the dogs pee.  We looked into a little hidden grove of trees toward the back of the property.  The main tree was a large Holly tree.  When we both looked up, we saw three large white dogs staring back at us.  Now, this would be one thing if I was the only one to see it, but both of us saw this and looked back at each other.  The dogs, who are both barkers, did not make a sound.  They both just stared in that same direction.  Suddenly, we looked again and saw  a medium sized figure that was most definitely female shaped looking back.  Not once did we feel threatened.  We went back into the house.  My partner was a little rattled.  I was curious…very curious.

I got on the computer that night and started doing some research.  Again, I had heard of Hekate, but had never really counted on an up close and personal encounter that was that up close and personal.  I also had really never thought of the significance of living at a crossroad. 

Many nights after my research, I would find myself sitting in the dark in that little grove of trees.  The  holly tree had a section of its trunk that curved into a seat which fit my rather substantial posterior perfectly.  I would take a tealight in a holder out there with me and a glass of wine and just listen.  It is amazing.  I am normally a big old fraidy cat, but I was never afraid in that grove of trees.  I felt as though leaning against that holly tree was my protection and that I had a friend out there with me.  I always took gifts to leave on the seat of the holly tree.  I started to see some amazing things happen in my life.

I had never done crossroad magic.  So I began to go to the crossroad regularly.  Always bearing gifts to Hekate and her white dogs.  I noticed wonderful changes in my own pets.  One who had always had some kind of health issue never had one problem while living in this house.  The other who had always dealt with a little arthritis was moving like a pup. 

I also saw some wonderful things happening in me too.   I began to lose weight and was feeling and looking better.  I was eating healthier because of the garden growing out back.  Everything there was flourishing.  I was even making more money.  I had moved on to a job that was paying more.

One thing that was hard for me to learn, though, is that one mustn’t always dwell at the crossroads of life.  Sometimes it is necessary to move on. 

We moved from that house almost exactly two years ago.  On the last night before we moved, I went out into that little grove of trees.  It was a full moon.  I nestled in the belly of my old friend the holly tree.  I felt comforted, but I also learned something from my tree friend and the triple goddess.

There will always be crossroads of one kind or another in our lives.  When we come to them, accept them for the knowledge and understanding of ourselves that they bring…..leave a gift and take that knowledge and understanding with you. 

Hekate doesn’t require elaborate gifts, but she does require that they be gifts given from that deepest part of your being.  What does the next crossroad hold for you?  For me….it holds excitement…..oh the adventure that each new day brings.

I Love To Laugh….

Uncle Albert: There is a way. And frankly, I don’t like to think of it, because you have to think of something sad.
Mary Poppins: Then do get on with it, please.
Uncle Albert: Let me see… I have the very thing: Yesterday, when the lady next door answered the door, there was a man there, and the man said to the lady, “I’m terribly sorry, I just ran over your cat.”
[Jane and Michael descend from being up in the air]
Jane: Oh, that is sad.
Michael: The poor cat.
Uncle Albert: And the man said, “I’d like to replace your cat.” And the lady said, “That’s all right with me, but how are you with catching mice?”

Today, I have not felt like laughing.  To be honest….I haven’t really even felt like smiling.  I have felt like I could possibly be the biggest uber-bitch created today.  I don’t know if it is related to planetary alignment or if I am just feeling a bit whacked out, but this is the time that I just have to try to make myself laugh. 

On days like today, it takes something completely stupid to make me laugh. That is why I posted the joke above.  It is completely absurd, but it made me giggle.  It is a day like today that I need The Three Stooges or The Golden Girls……or yes….Designing Women! 

I am adept at making other people laugh.  It was a gift bestowed on me at birth.  I often visualize my birth being similar to Aurora’s birth in Sleeping Beauty.  Upon my arrival, the three good fairies showed up.  The first said, “I shall bestow upon him the gift of homosexuality.  Therefore he shall always live his life with impeccable style and flavor.”  The second cleared her throat and said, “I shall bestow upon him devilish good looks and fabulous pheromones.  Men will never be able to resist him.”   The evil Maleficent flew in with a blaze of fire and her voice dripped with hatred.  “Now it’s time for my gift.  I bestow upon him the body of Paula Deen.  Wherever he goes, his backside will shake like a pound of butter and his stomach will be larger than a KFC family bucket.”  Then the third waved her magic wand above me and said, “I shall bestow upon him a really wicked sense of humor.  He shall need it to conquer all of lifes trials.” 

I have found that anything is bearable with a snicker or two and just a pound or two of butter.  Always remember, the pain can always be eased up when you grease up with a pat of butter….hmmm that might not be exactly what I meant, but you probably just snorted.  Didn’t  you?

Well, tonight’s post was primarily for me….I needed a chuckle or two.  Hope you enjoyed it as well.  And as always.. here’s sending you good witches from my kitchen to yours!

Calling to the Moon

With the title of this post, I envisioned myself sitting on a hill underneath the full moon howling at the top of my lungs.  I see myself slowly transforming.  My hands open wide and stretch open.  My head tilts back as far as it can go.  No, I am not turning into a werewolf….I am basking in the glow of Lady Luna.

The full moon for the month of March is called the storm moon, and on Thursday night, as I sat underneath her I saw her face turn orange and watched the clouds gather around her.  A storm was brewing.  I could smell it in the air.

It was a full moon ritual that night like many others that I had experienced before that…..but there was a difference this time.   The air was charged with electricity.  My heart was pounding. So many needs had been brought before me by family and friends.  Though there were many difficult and serious needs,  there was a surge of energy swirling around me that enveloped me in hope and joy…..almost an electric shock.

I readied my herbs and incenses and stones.  I filled the cauldron with the different herbs (and some cloves for sparkle) for each need and then added the alcohol.  I positioned in the center of the courtyard and cast the circle.  I invited each of the elements and god and goddess in.  I lit the alcohol and watched as the flames began their dance.  The flames even seemed to reach higher.  I sat next to the cauldron and was mesmerized by the energy that was moving around me, yet in the midst of me at the same time.  I began to sing.  In the midst of the singing, I began to cry….I felt the pain that each person who I was intervening for felt.

**A side note….Through the years, I have always known that I have had empathic “tendencies.”  I have never really thought much about it until recently.  I found myself not able to be terribly close to people because all that they felt began rushing through my emotions. I did not know what to do with it…..I would stand in the grocery store and burst into tears….or I would feel anger rise up in me like I had never felt. 

I knew that this meant that the goddess and I had some work to do.  I had to learn to tap into this without it overtaking and overwhelming me.  It was so strong that I had to monitor which Facebook posts I was reading for fear of what would well up or rise up in me.  I sat underneath a full moon and she and I conversed.  I let her teach my heart what it needed to learn.  There was a way, she said, for me to feel without being overcome.   I sat in her lap and learned.  I could feel the peace rushing over me.  Lady Luna caressed my shoulders to add her comfort to this moment.**

Back to Thursday night….as I wept and sang over each need, I could feel hope for each person.  I felt, once again, Lady Luna caressing my shoulders offering comfort.  After the needs were brought before the goddess and the universe, I watched the flames leap higher….begging me to dance with them.  I felt a lightness and a joy overtake my very being.  I knew that I had been heard.  I knew that all these needs would be met.  I closed the circle and rested in this knowing. 

The goddess and I then enjoyed a glass of wine with Lady Luna.