Stirring the Pot

I was raised in the south.  In my family, you were taught not to show any kind of vulnerability.  That meant that any emotion you felt, you buried.  When you felt sad, no one knew it.  When you felt disappointed, no one knew it.  When you felt angry, no one knew it.  If anyone asked how you were doing, the proper southern response was, “Why, fine.  Thank you for asking.”  We all learned early to live behind a smoke screen.

Now, I was sexually abused from the ages of four to fourteen.  Who did it is not important. Why it was done is not relevant to this story.  I reveal this only to preface the fact that I had a load of hidden emotions buried deep within me.  I started going to a psychologist at the age of twenty to deal with these feelings.  I went only because I was dealing with some depression.  Next thing I know, I am dosed with Sodium Pentothal and I am discussing the events that led up to the visit to the psych.

It really surprised me that I didn’t feel sad.  I did not feel numb.  I felt angry.  I was angry that someone took something from me and I essentially had no control over it.  He took my innocence. 

As I said before, with my family, it is all about saving face.  I was told to keep this to myself.  Don’t be angry at the person….it is all about the forgiveness.  Well, I listened carefully to what my mama and papa told me and then…….I let it fly!  I let every ounce of anger that had built up in me for all those years loose.  No dragon could have had more power behind it.  Looking back, I see now  that this is when I began to see glimpses of magick in my life. 

I had worked in the church for years.  I listened carefully as people again told me that I had to forgive.  I had to bury those feelings of anger and replace them with love.  I started studying the Bible even more.  God experienced anger.  God was a wrathful god.  Jesus got angry.  I researched other religions and faiths.

This was when I began to dabble in witchcraft (Oooooooooooo).  I studied the gods and goddesses.  I studied the Morrigan.  Hmmmm a goddess of war. It was then that I realized my destiny.  I did not have to hide or camouflage my anger.  I could use it—make something constructive of it.  I realized at that point that when you combine the anger with the workings of magick that you get a powerful result.  I am not talking about hexing people.  I am talking about pushing every ounce of that energy into the spellwork.

Many nights I have stood over the cauldron with a flame burning inside (me as well as in the cauldron).  As I started the magick with the anger seething deep within, I found that as I meditated on whatever the need was (whether healing, or financial needs, or protection), the anger fanned the flame.  It brought power  to the moment. 

As an example, I have a dear, dear friend who had to have brain surgery recently.  It was the anger at whatever was invading her body that brought the magick to a boiling point.  It was the love that I had for her that fanned that energy and pushed it out into the universe.

For these reasons, I never hold onto or hide my anger anymore.  I push it out, confront it, and move beyond it.  Sometimes you really just have to put into words exactly what you feel.  Once it is out there, there is room for the love and healing to take place.

Am I an angry person?  No….not anymore. I say what I think, when I think it.  Does that make me a bitch?  Sometimes.  Does it strengthen my magickal life?  Definitely.

There is a reason that Native Americans give war cries in their ceremonies.  It is a cry out to the Great Spirit.  My war cry is loud, piercing, and fierce.  It accomplishes all I need it to.

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5 thoughts on “Stirring the Pot

  1. I love you Dave…..I know you always have my back. If your anger gives you your wonderful magickal power….then you are using that anger in the best possible way. Though I’m not southern, I was raised by a cold uncaring mother who also never let us show emotion of any kind…so I know exactly what can happen when years of repression are released…its horrible and magnificent at the same time! I have come thru that brain surgery because of friends like you who were working so hard to heal me and keep me here….thank you from the bottom of my heart….

  2. Dave, I think what I love about you most is your willingness to share who you are, where you have been and where you are now with such honesty and vulnerability! I am honored beyond reason that you invited me on your journey. You are a powerful man who walks a magickal path with the beautiful Goddess! She adores you and was watching over you as you suffered in your youth! She wept and grieved as someone took advantage of your innocence. She loves you so much as do I! Thank you my dear brother! Thank you for who you are and how you touch my heart! Blessed be and lots of hugs and love!

  3. YOU are a warrior. A great, powerful, majestic warrior. The force of your words, the power that shoots out of you, is astounding. Thank you. I am honored to know you. BB

  4. as I can relate to the anger of having something so precious taken away through now fault of our own, yet we are meant to feel it is, which stirs up the anger even more…I to am working on my anger, resentment and hatred for the unfeeling of people who believe that by not verbalizing something it won’t make it real….well we are here, in the flesh and we are very real and we are screaming at the top of our longs and you will hear our voice cry; NO MORE SILENCE….crying and speaking out was a taboo as everything emotional was when I was young…hence to say as I have mentioned before I now talk like I’ve been on a gag order for years….I LOVE YOU BIG BROTHER, YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ME, thank you for your words and teaching me so much. ❤

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