Beltane is upon us and with that comes the thinning of the veil. The lines between living and dead become a little more blurred. We are given opportunities to communicate with those who have moved into the summerlands.
As a child, I was told stories of “haints” and the “booger woods.” Some of these were based on stories of my grandfather’s people. In other words, the older folks loved to scare the shit out of us kids. Halloween was a horrifying time for me back then. I was always told of some apparition being seen and taking some unsuspecting soul off to the underworld. I can remember that evil twinkle in my grandpa’s eye as he watched me tremble in fear as he told the tale of being chased through the “booger woods” by a headless pig. Yes…..I was a nervous young ‘un.
It wasn’t until much later in life that I was able to accept that the spirit was just essentially us stepping out of the body that held us captive and moving into another stage of being. Energy is energy….it just takes different forms. It was only after this epiphany that I was visited regularly in my dreams by those who had passed.
The dreams have never been scary. These dreams have always had a purpose. Most of the time this purpose was to teach me. Now, I have to preface this with the fact that most of my friends and acquaintances think I am quite brave and unshakeable. The contrary is true. My worst enemy is fear. Even though I have bungee jumped, run from bulls, moved to New York with $20 in my pocket…..I have lived a life of fear.
You see, even with all of the above accomplishments, I inherited a powerful thing from my mother…..the spirit of the worry-wort. In the past, I have been fearful of what would happen if I lost my job….what would happen if the one I loved most died….what would happen if I went over a bridge……I have learned one thing with relation to all of this…..dwell on it enough, and it can manifest.
I fought and fought with myself to lose that worrying nature. I have lost my job….it didn’t kill me. I lost a partner whom I loved with my whole mind, body, and spirit….I found love again. I did go over a bridge….I floated. It was when I began to leave the worry behind that those beyond the veil knew that it was ok to approach me.
This is when the dreams began. The first was a dream about a Victorian girl in an old mansion. There was a sadness and desperation about her. I would visit the house and she would meet me at the door, staring at me with melancholy eyes. I would get into the bowels of the house and there was a very angry energy. It was the energy of a man who had abused her until the time that she died. In the dreams, all I ever did was listen to her and banish the evil energy. I would have dreams involving her several nights or even weeks in a row. The dreams would stop when she worked up the courage to face the energy on her own.
The latest dream I had was just last week. I dreamed I was lying in my bed beside my present partner. Encircling the bed was my grandma at my right arm, my grandpa at my left arm, my aunt at my feet, and my partner who died at my head. Each one of these people were stroking the part of my body at which they were standing. My partner who died was stroking my temples. I never felt fear during this episode….only overwhelming love. I remember lying there crying as he stroked my temples and smiled down at me.
Personally, lately, I have been having such an excruciatingly hard time. My mind is exhausted….my body is tired and aching….I am feeling mentally overwhelmed….and essentially just overdone. It is when I am like this that the fearful me tries to creep in. I feel sure that those I loved most were visiting to comfort me and tell me that I am only becoming stronger.
I feel, and others feel that I am going through a shift in my magickal life right now. Things have been happening to move me into a different place…..and it scared me. I knew when I looked into my former partners eyes that it is alright to move forward. I did it once when he died….I must constantly move forward. It’s funny…..this week when I have my weak moments, I smell him. It pushes me through….then I come home to the arms of the man I am head over heels in love with now and it just makes me soar through the skies….higher than any broomstick could take me.
Blessed Beltane, Ý’all!