How many times have you felt like the witch that was caught in the cyclone in the Wizard of Oz? There you are, minding your own business and here comes a big old gust of wind and knocks you off of your broom and out of your ruby slippers. Next thing you know, you are trying to pick the dirt out of your teeth and scraping squashed munchkin off of your robes.
Too many times we have been overwhelmed by things that should shake us a bit at most. We find that something that started as a good swift breeze suddenly has us hoisted up by our britches, spinning out of control, preparing for a crash landing. I found myself in such situations this week.
I am pretty much a happy-go-lucky type of fellow by nature. I try not to let things get to me. I have always lived by the philosophy that if it can’t kill me or eat me, then I really shouldn’t worry about it too much. I just never thought that life was worth too much stressing…..until this past year hit. It seems that every stressful thing that could raise its ugly head, has tried some sort of attack on me. When it wasn’t car stress, it was plumbing stress, or pet stress, or relationship stress. I also realized this year that stress takes a toll on the body too.
This week, I was sitting quietly at my desk. I began to feel something that I haven’t felt in a long long time. Actually, it had been so long since I was visited by this dangerous adversary that I almost let my guard down. You see, years ago, I struggled with major depression. I am not talking about the “ho hum, gloom and doom” type of depression; I am talking about the “don’t get out of bed, don’t eat, try to figure out the easiest way to commit suicide” kind of depression. During that bout of depression, I became someone that even those closest to me didn’t recognize. I became so cocooned inside of myself that I didn’t see or care about the world going on around me. I couldn’t muster the energy for protective spells. I didn’t care what stone I needed to carry with me. My heart wasn’t inside me anymore.
I had many people rallying around me at that time. Most of those people understood nothing of what I was dealing with, but they were there. They made themselves available. I tried therapy, medication…..nothing seemed to work for me. I just knew that this was my new normal and it spiraled me deeper into depression.
In the middle of this dark, dismal time, one thing just kept circling my brain. The phrase, “the power of words” kept visiting and revisiting my exhausted brain. I knew that words had power, but I had no desire to tap into it.
Back to this week…..I am sitting at my desk and I feel that isolation and deep dark pain begin to creep in. It didn’t help that I had had a huge argument with my partner. It also didn’t help that parts of work were burying me. It helped least of all that my blood pressure has been spiraling upward and that upward spiral was creating panic attack after panic attack. I heard words start to form in my mind…..”It would just be easier if I died in my sleep.”
When I heard those words in my brain, my heart took over. It has gotten quite a bit stronger than those many years ago. So has the spirit inside of me. I could feel everything rise up and say, “What the hell are you thinking?!?!” I began to pull on every ounce of ancient Magick that was inside of me. I made myself create protection shields around every inch of me. I did a stone grid. I pulled my wand to me. I called to God and Goddess asking them to renew the very essence that I knew was in me…..to breathe that “pneumos” or spirit back into me. I laid there with my wand, “Raven Light and Dark” close to my heart and I could feel a force field building around me. I could feel the strength of other witches.
We have to rely on the circle goddess has place around us. I know, for a fact that, even though the ladies and gentlemen that are a part of my circle did not know the situation, they began pouring their energy deep into my spirit. Sometimes all it took was one of them sending something to make me laugh or just a simple, “I love you.”
I am at a point in my Magickal walk that my Magick is “peaking.” I can feel it getting stronger on a daily basis. This is a time that I have to cling dearly to the Horned one and to My Dear Lady. I have too much coming to be squashed by a wayward house or to be uprooted by a stiff breeze. I am a sorcerer, a witch—-armoured with the ways of the ancients. I am stronger now than I have ever been and I am ready for battle!