Last night I watched an episode of “Once Upon A Time.” This episode featured Ruby (Red Riding Hood) and the way she dealt with the fact that she turned into a wolf on the full moon. She was more afraid of herself and the change that took place in her than anything else. She was searching for anything that would help her to understand herself and what was going on. The peculiar thing was that her friends could see her true self even in the midst of the transformation. Some of the lines that stuck out in my mind are in a conversation between Snow White and Red:
“My Mother wanted me to choose between being a wolf and being human. Granny did too. You are the only person who ever thought it was okay for me to be both.” – Ruby
“Cause that’s who you are.” – Snow White
Even Ruby could not accept who and what she was. Somewhere in the midst of the change, she got lost in all the fur. How many times do we do the same. We anticipate this huge transformation in our lives and are disappointed when it is not the way we planned or foresaw it.
As you know, for the past couple of months, I have been in the midst of a “lifestyle” change. I have been incredibly good. I have planned out my splurges and done everything that the doctor has told me to do….but the problem is, when I look in the mirror, all I see are the bulges and dimples and creases and blobs of fat that are there. Of course, everyone around me tells me that I look so good…it is so evident to them that I have lost weight. One girl at work even told me that I looked ‘deflated.’ I, however, keep seeing the same me in the mirror. I see the big, fat blob of a person staring back at me……until this morning.
I looked into the mirror and staring back at me was a thinning face. It was markedly thinner than I am sure it was the day before. I could see my eyes shining out at myself….not the pushed together slits staring out from the doughy fat cheeks that they once did. I could finally see what I had been working so hard for coming to fruition. Even though the scales registered the transformation weekly….I had been oblivious to it…until I was ready to see it. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.
I am reminded of a dear sweet young witch. When I first got to know her, I remember her inquisitiveness, her uncertainty. She was looking for guidance and second guessing herself a lot. Though many of us around her could see all the possibilities and potential in her…I don’t believe she saw it. I could see her in my mind’s eye standing out in the yard doing weather witching almost shaking from trying to get the energy to work. Frustrated, she would tell us of how she had tried and failed…..we, on the other hand, watched her trying and trying and then becoming. This young witch became one of the most powerful hedge-, garden-, hearth-, solitary- witches I know. While she saw failed attempts or questioned her motives and abilities, we saw the transformation into what she had in her all along. She was stepping back and the Magick was allowed to step forward and take over. She was becoming more and more like the Goddess because that was who she was spending time with.
I paid a visit to the pond today in the afternoon rain. I have been begging for the cold weather to set in. It was coolish, but still not as cold as I would like. The blue chihuahua curled up on me as though he was freezing….as did the herd of cats led by black and white cat. As I stared toward the water, I imagined all the things that had happened around it to make the pond what it is today. I imagined the impatience of the Lady of the Lake as she waited for her home to take shape…the searching that mama crow did before settling on the telephone pole across the way to nest. Everything needed to make it what it was to be was right there the whole time…..it was just waiting for it to take shape and then to recognize it.
I look at my own impatience….especially in matters of magick. Everything needed to make the magick is right there. It is just waiting on me to put the pieces together. Once everything is in place….the magick flows and flows superbly! It may not happen the way I think it should or manifest itself the way I think it should look, but it is there. In no way was the voyage anything that I had expected…but the outcome was magickal.
What are you looking for? As the new year begins, what is in you that needs to be recognized and nurtured? Do you see a gift that is uniquely you… as a curse? Another line comes to mind from “Once Upon A Time.” It was when Belle was talking to Ruby:
“There’s good in there. If we can all see it, why can’t you?” – Belle