The past couple of weeks has been a whirlwind for me. I have been in the process of preparing for a charity show that I was performing in. Everything else in my life took a backseat. I mean everything. I sang my way through life oblivious to everything else around me. I was immersed in only this….obsessed with making sure all was done to the best of my ability. I haven’t felt that type of energy since my days in the theater. I look back, and honestly the past couple of weeks are a blur in my memory. The only things that come to the front of my mind are the dreams I have had in that two week period.
I have always had vivid dreams….I dream in color and, most of the time, what I am dealing with in life manifests itself in my dreams. My dreams of late have been unique, to say the least. The most prominent dreams of the past couple of weeks involve me lost in the woods. I am accompanied always by wolf and some bird, whether it be owl, or crow, or hawk. In the dream, I end up at an earth covered, green cottage by water. It has one door and one window. Inside is everything that I could ever think of needing for potions and spells and all manner of sorcery. Wolf watches me mindfully by the fire and the bird of the night perches on a chair or the table that I work on. As I work on the magick in front of me, there is no question about what ingredient or word comes next. I am going about everything I do with a fervor and a purpose.
In this dream, I see all manner of energy floating around me. It seems to be there for the taking. All I have to do is reach out. Different colors represent different energies and I know which color is what. Blue is for healing, green for growth, red for passion, yellow for happiness, orange for courage, and purple for knowledge…..I walk through the room trying to grasp some of each color of energy only for it to swirl out of reach. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Wolf. The energy is coming to him. Each color encircles his head and he closes his eyes and inhales…..each one wisps into his nostrils and I watch as his eyes light up with the power of each color. I look to the chair or table and notice that the same thing is happening with the bird. I am working so hard and can’t even catch a smidgeon of the energy…..they do nothing, it seems, and it comes to them. I sit down in a rocking chair beside the fireplace. I am completely exhausted. Wolf sits beside me and puts his head on my knee. The bird sits on the chair top beside my head. We all go to sleep. I can feel the energy swirling in circles around me. As I breathe deeply, I can feel each color of energy being inhaled. I can feel them taking root inside. I decide that I want to stay in this dwelling. Everything I need as far as Magick is right there. I get up and begin potion-making again….Wolf settles again in front of the fire and the bird flies toward the table…I wake up.
I realized looking back at this dream today, that it was mirroring everything that I have been dealing with over the past couple of weeks. The bustle of life was evident….as was the premise of me “chasing my tail.” It seems that over and over again this week that the thought of “animals having great empathic abilities” has bombarded me. I have noticed that as my activity has gotten more fervent, that the animals in the house have become more anxious. There have been no trips to the pond or the woods this week for me and Friz…only short trips outside to pee so that I could rush back into whatever was consuming me. He stood at my feet begging me to sit down for just a moment….long enough for him to lie down on my lap and doze off. It didn’t happen.
I have all this energy now that I don’t know what to do with. The weight loss and change in habits have caused me to become fidgety with energy….not completely sure how to handle it. I am feeling a call to meditation. I need to slow down. I need simplicity. I need to find that dwelling place where I feel completely at ease. I know where everything is, the right words, and I know what ingredients it takes….but I have forgotten the most important thing….the intent. My intent is to be one with Lord and Lady….to take time and spend time in nature. Last year at this time I gave a friend of mine some advice that I need to heed. I told her to “put her hands in the dirt,” to feel the earth energy, the grounding. I have forgotten that I need grounding every day. Animal energy is that of grounding….earth energy. Wolf is a pathfinder and a teacher in many native traditions. Wolf also teaches balance. The crow is the “keeper of secrets or mysteries.” He brings transformation of the inner self. Hawk brings illumination of the past, present, and future. Owl brings vision of the situations at hand.
Even when I was too “busy” to see any of this while wide awake. Goddess knew I needed to hear this message. She sent messengers that she knew I would listen to and put me in surroundings where I would be open to hearing what she said.
Tonight before I wrote this, Friz and I went to the pond….we sat for a bit. We also went to the woods. We sat again. I am learning slowly and surely that I am not a human doing….I am a human being. Sometimes all that is required is to be. The phrase is not “Blessed Do.” It is in fact, “Blessed Be.”
If we could only take a lesson from our animal friends and familiars. They live in the moment….not what is happening tomorrow….not what happened yesterday. They envelop the energy around them as it happens….they don’t try to “catch it.”
My promise to myself this holiday season is simple: Simplicity, Live in the moment, and just Be.