I went walking tonight by myself in the dark. It was about ten o’clock and the dogs were asleep on the bed with their other daddy, the roomie was napping in his bedroom….I found my brain overcrowded. So many things have happened this week.
I had a strange call from my mom on Tuesday at lunchtime. She told me that my niece (who I raised) was robbed at gunpoint on Monday night. She was on her way to her car after work and a strange guy came up behind her. He forced her into his truck and took her phone, bank card, identification cards…everything in her purse. He told her that if she told anyone, that he had her information and would come and kill her family. There was good surveillance footage of the guy and he was caught just a couple of days later. He is currently in the hospital…..what he did was part of a gang initiation and he was supposed to kill her. Bless Goddess, that did not happen.
Friday, I heard the news that all those babies and their teachers were killed at Sandy Hook Elementary school in Newtown Connecticut. Such a tragedy as this should not befall anyone. Innocence was shattered as horror overtook it from the barrel of a gun.
I have been haunted by a particular quote all week long. It has drifted in and out of my mind like a beautiful haunting melody.
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
My niece said it best the other night when I talked to her about what had happened. She said, “I have always loved people. I cannot allow this to change that. I cannot let my fear of what happened take away a large part of what makes me, me.” My mother told me today that she admires her so. She said that she is making herself push through…..her hands shake constantly and she moves more calculatedly…but she is showing that she is more powerful than the criminal could ever be. No survivor of any crime is a victim…no matter what, they are exactly what their strength and power shows….survivors and victors.
If you think about it, we sometimes tend to see ourselves as weak. We don’t see ourselves as strong as we truly are. I have to admit, with everything that has happened this week….it would have been very easy to let fear creep into my heart. It is far to easy to see evil shadows lurking around every corner. It is important for me to remember, though, that most of the time, those are the shadows of people who are just as afraid as I am.
I have to admit, tonight was my first venture past my courtyard under the night skies in a week. It was hard walking past the eyes of neighbors I did not know…wondering what was going on in their minds. I walked into the wooded area at the edge of the complex…..where I have been so many times before…..I felt the darkness looking menacingly over my shoulder. I heard a rustling in the leaves and my breath caught in my chest. I laughed in relief when I realized it was black and white cat. My guess is that he smelled the sardines in my jacket pocket. I looked up through the clearing in the trees and got a good look at the stars and the moon. All I could think about was how many times I have been guided by them. I remembered the quote again….I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
I began to meditate on the attributes of the Lord and Lady. How many times they have experienced death and rebirth…..change, cycles. I have lived my life imbued with the power that they have…..no one can take that power from me. It doesn’t mean that I act stupidly or throw all common sense to the wind…..but they have given me a power to overcome, to walk in power, to fly above….they have given me magick. It is that magick that has always been a source of comfort to me.
I took some candles with me into the woods tonight. I lit one candle for healing, one for peace, one for protection, and one for love. I prayed to the Lord and Lady to send all of these things to the people of Newtown and to my niece. As I sat with a purring black and white fae cat in my lap, I listened to the whispers of the wind and felt the glow of the moon and stars radiating against my skin. I knew the Lord and Lady heard me. I can feel the magick welling up inside of me.
The events of this week tried to stir fear, confusion…..but the Lord and Lady turned it into a week of power, strength and some of the most amazing magick.
Healing stir, protection, power
I call on you in this magick hour.
Light inside the darkest places
Fear is gone and will leave no traces.
In perfect love and perfect peace
Nightmares and terror now will cease.
By Water, Earth, Air and Fire
God and Goddess hear my heart’s desire.
By all that’s good, go forth from me
As I will, so mote it be!