The Balance Between Light and Dark…

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Yesterday was the first day that I felt like I could breathe again. For the past two weeks, my chest has been heavy…my breathing labored by the layers of sickness that had enveloped me. What started as a flu became the constricting fingers of pneumonia wrapped tightly around my lungs. With steroids and antibiotics and a lot of rest….I have slowly plodded my way back into life.

Yesterday was so warm and sunny here. During my lunch hour I always walk the pups. I feel it is a good chance for them to stretch their legs and empty their bladders and it gives me a chance to walk away from the work-a-day world for a few moments. When I walked into the house, my nostrils flaired…an old familiar scent caressed my face. It was the smell of lilacs. My roommate had put one of those scent ports in with the very realistic smell of lilacs. As I walked back outside with one of the dogs at the end of the leash, I felt as though I had been french kissed by spring.

As the beginning of spring approaches, it is quite comforting to see the daylight stretch out to meet the twilight. It is like sitting really close to an old friend as the sun’s rays reach out to caress my cheek just a little longer than it did the day before. It was during this observation that I was hit with an epiphany. Everything in life has to have its balance. Without that balance, the world becomes off kilter in so many ways.

The ultimate example comes through much time spent with the dark goddesses. In studying the natures of the Morrigan and Hekate, in as much as they are the divine Creatrix, they are also the takers of life. Without death, life continues on and on and on. With a beginning must come an end. How do you think you would feel living the life you live now…over and over and over again with no end in sight. Do you think it might become monotanous?

I wish I could say that my life has been all sunshine and bubble gum, but it has not. For every high in my life, there has been at least one low. Do the lows discourage me? Sometimes, yes. I honestly have to say, though, that without those lows, I would not embrace and soar as strongly on those highs. If everything in my life went exactly as I planned it, then there would never be any need for hope, anticipation, excitement.

So this may be an odd question….Does my magick incorporate areas of light and dark? Yes, it does. Now before you get your feathers in a knot….remember that I do not prescribe to a primarily Wiccan belief system…my beliefs are mine and mine alone. I don’t ask permission or opinion on them. I am just sharing with you. As I said in my last post, I strongly believe that I don’t owe anything bad to anyone…they are their own worst enemies.

As far as magick goes, I have also said before, that it is all about the intent that goes with the working. If I feel anger when doing magick, it is going to show in the intent. If I feel sexual or passionate, same thing. Some of the most powerful magick I have ever done has been the result of “righteous anger.” Is anger bad? Is it a ‘dark’ emotion. No. It is all in the control you exhibit. If you have no control over yourself, then anything you do can take a bad turn.

I feel that certain areas of magick take a darker part of ourselves. I know that when I work with the spirits of my ancestors and others, I have to reach into a place that I don’t visit very often. Getting closer to the veil seems to be a darker place. Did I say evil? No. Did I say bad? No. Just darker. Just as a walk outside in the moonlight is darker than a walk outside in the sun. Darker. When I commune with my familiars, I go into a darker place….a misty, very different place full of movement.

I think that the world around us would teach us that dark can be wrong….but I learned a long time ago that dark only meant ‘devoid of light.’ Even then, darkness is not to be feared. It is to be respected. As I walked back from the garbage area tonight at the condo, I chose the darker path. I chose that path as an experiment for myself. I couldn’t see two feet in front of me, but I heard everything. Every little sound caressed my ears. Every little insect, every little rustle of the leaves….I listened. I asked the Morrigan and Hekate to show themselves to me in that darkness. They have never disappointed me. Was there fear? Only the quickness in my heart at the unfamiliarity of my surroundings. Was there excitement? Yes….knowing that all my senses were alive.

I have always known that inside of me was darkness and light. I have never really been afraid of it. It is what has made me who I am. I don’t blow rainbow bubbles out of my backside, but I don’t spew black vomit either. I have just simply learned to embrace all of myself. I accept the jovial, easy-going goof with the bad temper and the over zealous sexual appetite and I am ok with that.

Blessed Be!2012-12-16 09.29.56

‘An Harm None…..

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When I was a kid, I remember mama always telling me, “Now you be sure you play nice.”  Every time I walked out the door to play with the other kids in the area, to go fishing, to romp with the animals….I always got that same mantra.  “Now you be sure you play nice.” 

I have already told y’all that I was a mischievous child….not mean, just mischievous.  I loved to put baby green snakes where they shouldn’t be…or put a ‘hoppy toad’ down the back of my cousin’s dress…I even switched out all the eggs in the henhouse and put em all under different mamas.  I never did anything out of maliciousness as a little one.  I just liked things that would make me laugh….but I could always hear mama’s voice ringing in the back of my head….still do today.  “Now you be sure you play nice.”

This week, in the midst of the busy-ness of work and home and everything in between, Goddess gave my ear a tweak.  First off, I am a witch.  I don’t keep up with all the different traditions that are followed.  I am not really Wiccan….not Gardenerian…I am a plain old solitary witch.  I honor the Sabbats, follow the wheel of the year, can call the directions as well as anyone, cast a circle fantastically (well, in my mind) and do wonderful magickal spells.  I have always followed a particular part of the Wiccan Rede, though.  I have always abided by, “An it harm none, do what thou wilt.”  I think it all just stemmed back to my mama.  I just needed to play nice. 

This week, several times as a matter of fact, I was made madder than an old wet hen.  My boss pissed me off several times.  I had to deal with some local delinquents who had no respect for others.  I also had to deal with a client or two that just ripped me a new one because of someone else’s mistake.  By Thursday, ‘An harm none’ was about as far from my mind as it could get.  I was angry, tired, and quite literally fed up.  I had determined that I was going to let everybody have it……Open up a can of whoop-ass.

As I reached the point of no return, a client came up to me at work.  His bill had exceeded what he thought that it should be and he proceeded to chew on what little nerve I had left.  He started spitting out cuss words and his arms flailed harshly as if he might hit me at any time.  The veins in his forehead started pulsing….and he screamed.  Loudly.  I could feel it welling up inside me.  The anger that had been festering all week long was going to come to surface whether I liked it or not.  It was going to come out in one big ‘KABOOM’ and no one was going to be left standing.

Just as I breathed in enough air to spew every ounce of venom that I just knew was coming.  I opened my mouth and the word “Sir” came out.  With that one word, the man in front of me put his hands to his face and began to sob uncontrollably.  His body wretched and shook with every tear.  I watched in a matter of seconds as the tough exterior shattered and gave way to the man underneath.  It turned out he had  lost his job and then his dog got sick and this bill was a large chunk of what he had left in the bank.  I could feel the hand of the Goddess gently grab the upward corner of my ear and pointedly say, “You play nice!” man-crying

Last night I went back to that familiar phrase, “An it harm none, do what thou wilt.”  I meditated on it….I rolled it back and forth around my brain and my heart.  I went into the courtyard under the moon and talked back and forth with Lady Luna.  Well, let’s just say that I pissed and moaned and she listened for a bit.  “Sometimes I just want to make somebody feel as bad as they made me feel.  Sometimes people deserve it.”  As I said, she listened for a bit…then I began to feel her end of the conversation. 

She took me back to a time when I hurt many people.  I deserved to be burnt to a cinder.  I had been careless and thoughtless and many, many people were left in the rubble.  If anyone deserved to be ‘hexed’ or punished, it was me.  Instead, those around me, determined within themselves to pick up the pieces that were left of me and help me rebuild myself.  It was a hard road and I am sure there were times that they wanted to forsake the journey….but they stayed right beside me.

At this point, I could hear Goddess whispering in my ear.  “There is no need to harm anyone.  There is no need to ‘get even.’  You see, people do more harm to themselves.”  “You want to see the person who is constantly bragging about their accomplishments, which are mostly lies, come to justice, but they are living in a cage that they have created.  The lies and false accomplishments have become their bars.  They can never let their guard down for fear of showing the true self underneath.” “The boss who makes your life a living hell during the day goes home to a house with no good emotion.  A wife who lost her love for him long ago….and he drinks the night away to help him forget.” “The teenager who craves attention that they don’t get at home.  They are constantly told that they are stupid or useless.  Negative attention is better than none at all, in their mind.”

I sat there stunned.  I had been so wrapped up in my own anger this week that I had completely blinded myself to seeing past the outer shell of people.  I had studied Psychology in college until there were no more courses to take….I should have realized this.

People are not so unlike animals.  I deal with both types of creatures everyday.  When they are afraid, they frantically do whatever they can to survive.  They yell and growl to make you back away.  It is only when you approach them on their level…where they hurt the most that the healing can start. 

I am reminded of a few more words….”In perfect love and perfect trust…”  If my motives are always filtered through love, then I have created the most powerful magick possible.  Yes, I can still be hurt, but I can also offer someone or something an opportunity to fly….to experience healing.

When I cook, I can tend to over-salt.  I got this, too, from my mama.  One trick she taught me was that when there is too much salt, add a potato to soak up some of that salty taste.  Same way with people….sometimes they just need someone to help take away some of the hurt so that they can see long enough to start walking toward a path of healing.

That’s the way it was with me so many years ago.  Had someone not been willing to ‘harm none’ and walk me through in ‘perfect love and perfect trust,’  then I wouldn’t be the person I am today…..and thankfully I am still changing every day of my life.

Blessed Be!Children-and-Peaceful-Place1-300x200