Yesterday was the first day that I felt like I could breathe again. For the past two weeks, my chest has been heavy…my breathing labored by the layers of sickness that had enveloped me. What started as a flu became the constricting fingers of pneumonia wrapped tightly around my lungs. With steroids and antibiotics and a lot of rest….I have slowly plodded my way back into life.
Yesterday was so warm and sunny here. During my lunch hour I always walk the pups. I feel it is a good chance for them to stretch their legs and empty their bladders and it gives me a chance to walk away from the work-a-day world for a few moments. When I walked into the house, my nostrils flaired…an old familiar scent caressed my face. It was the smell of lilacs. My roommate had put one of those scent ports in with the very realistic smell of lilacs. As I walked back outside with one of the dogs at the end of the leash, I felt as though I had been french kissed by spring.
As the beginning of spring approaches, it is quite comforting to see the daylight stretch out to meet the twilight. It is like sitting really close to an old friend as the sun’s rays reach out to caress my cheek just a little longer than it did the day before. It was during this observation that I was hit with an epiphany. Everything in life has to have its balance. Without that balance, the world becomes off kilter in so many ways.
The ultimate example comes through much time spent with the dark goddesses. In studying the natures of the Morrigan and Hekate, in as much as they are the divine Creatrix, they are also the takers of life. Without death, life continues on and on and on. With a beginning must come an end. How do you think you would feel living the life you live now…over and over and over again with no end in sight. Do you think it might become monotanous?
I wish I could say that my life has been all sunshine and bubble gum, but it has not. For every high in my life, there has been at least one low. Do the lows discourage me? Sometimes, yes. I honestly have to say, though, that without those lows, I would not embrace and soar as strongly on those highs. If everything in my life went exactly as I planned it, then there would never be any need for hope, anticipation, excitement.
So this may be an odd question….Does my magick incorporate areas of light and dark? Yes, it does. Now before you get your feathers in a knot….remember that I do not prescribe to a primarily Wiccan belief system…my beliefs are mine and mine alone. I don’t ask permission or opinion on them. I am just sharing with you. As I said in my last post, I strongly believe that I don’t owe anything bad to anyone…they are their own worst enemies.
As far as magick goes, I have also said before, that it is all about the intent that goes with the working. If I feel anger when doing magick, it is going to show in the intent. If I feel sexual or passionate, same thing. Some of the most powerful magick I have ever done has been the result of “righteous anger.” Is anger bad? Is it a ‘dark’ emotion. No. It is all in the control you exhibit. If you have no control over yourself, then anything you do can take a bad turn.
I feel that certain areas of magick take a darker part of ourselves. I know that when I work with the spirits of my ancestors and others, I have to reach into a place that I don’t visit very often. Getting closer to the veil seems to be a darker place. Did I say evil? No. Did I say bad? No. Just darker. Just as a walk outside in the moonlight is darker than a walk outside in the sun. Darker. When I commune with my familiars, I go into a darker place….a misty, very different place full of movement.
I think that the world around us would teach us that dark can be wrong….but I learned a long time ago that dark only meant ‘devoid of light.’ Even then, darkness is not to be feared. It is to be respected. As I walked back from the garbage area tonight at the condo, I chose the darker path. I chose that path as an experiment for myself. I couldn’t see two feet in front of me, but I heard everything. Every little sound caressed my ears. Every little insect, every little rustle of the leaves….I listened. I asked the Morrigan and Hekate to show themselves to me in that darkness. They have never disappointed me. Was there fear? Only the quickness in my heart at the unfamiliarity of my surroundings. Was there excitement? Yes….knowing that all my senses were alive.
I have always known that inside of me was darkness and light. I have never really been afraid of it. It is what has made me who I am. I don’t blow rainbow bubbles out of my backside, but I don’t spew black vomit either. I have just simply learned to embrace all of myself. I accept the jovial, easy-going goof with the bad temper and the over zealous sexual appetite and I am ok with that.