I should think so–in these parts! We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner!”
My best friend and I were talking last night as we walked out of the grocery store. Me: Do you think I have lost my joie de vivre? Him: Yeah, maybe a little bit. You aren’t the same as even when I met you. Me: What do you think happened. Him: I think you let fear take away what was once inside you.
I have to say that I agree 100%. When I look back at the person I used to be, there was a sense of daring….a sense of delight that overtook me when someone told me that I wasn’t capable of doing something. Immediately, something was stirred inside of me that was determined to prove them wrong. We are told, that as we age, we are to settle down….it is a time to become comfortable. After all, retirement is looming around the corner and we know that somewhere in our future, rocking chairs and quilts abound. We have been hypnotized by reality shows….we no longer have to leave our homes for adventure…..just turn on the tellie, and you can live someone elses life. You can dream of what it would be like to be one of the housewives of Atlanta, or go Hillbilly Handfishing, or you can be Honey Boo-Boo Child……the aspirations are endless!
You don’t even have to leave your home to have date-night anymore. Turn on “On Demand” and order a movie…order a meal to be delivered and you never have to get dressed or even shower for that matter. Is it any wonder that anymore we are becoming a batch of stinky, overweight, non-doers? And trust me, I am right at the top of that list. I speak from experience. It is so much easier to stay at home and never move from the sofa or the patio than to have to fight Atlanta traffic or make the effort to find new and whimsical things to tickle and enthrall the senses. After all…..I have grown up responsibilities now. I have two dogs and two cats that hang on my every movement and word….Yeah, right!
I do venture out to the woods or the pond on the weekends…sometimes even during the week. I dress like powerful mage that I am (well, at least in my mind. LOL) I look to the elements and the plants and trees and animals for the magick that I am so sure is inside of me. But there is something missing. There is adventure brewing in me that has yet to be tapped into. There is that part of me who hungers to climb the hills outside of my courtyard, climb the mountains beyond and soar into the distance. My sword is at the ready….dragons are around the corner.
I have entertained the Morrigan many times this week. My encounters with her have been through the one aspect that I cringe at, but also crave. She has spent the week calling me to change. It is time to lay some old habits and thought patterns to the side and embrace a part of myself that I buried a few years ago. It is one thing to grow older but one must also grow wiser. The Morrigan showed me many mirrors this week. In one reflection, I was a ferocious as a wolf. That wolf, now, because of fear that has been allowed to creep into my life….will roll over onto his back and pee in the air like a submissive puppy. In another reflection, I kept my wings spread wide like the crow…again, because of fears, my wings have been clipped. Finally, I was shown the reflection of the buck. My head high, my gait smooth, my speed swift. I have allowed fear once again to cripple me and cause me to limp….afraid to move too fast.
I had forgotten that the person staring back at me was the one who had the nerve to leave home at 17 and pursue an acting and singing career in New York. I had forgotten that this same person took on raising two girls without so much as flinching. Most recently, he moved to Atlanta without the prospect of a job to be with the man he loved. I saw courage in his eyes. I saw fire.
I looked back in….the reflection didn’t seem to match who was staring back. I have become far too settled. I have traded adventures for stability. This is not a bad thing, but I have let the stability become ritual with no expectations. I have stayed where I am because it is comfortable and not necessarily the best thing for me.
Now I am not talking about getting up and forsaking everything that my life holds. I have been called by the Morrigan to change those things that have made me monotanous….that have hampered and suffocated the magick. I have started an adventure sheet. I will be doing magick that will help to activate the adventure that I know is still there. I may need to bare the teeth a little more, spread the wings a little wider, and race a little swifter into the wind….but I am willing to do these things. That fellow I once saw in the mirror never went away….he was just napping. Sometimes we have to wake that part of us up…..no matter how hard we protest.
It is time to free the parts of me that have locked away. I need to remember to dance a little harder, laugh a little louder, run a little faster…..after all, life is one adventure after another. I just had to decide to get up from the table, turn off the TV and run out of the gate just as fast as I could run.