It seems as though some weeks are more challenging than others. We all have to realize that life in itself is a challenge. As we move through this plane of existence, we see that day after day, week after week…there are ups and downs. Over this past week….it seems as though I have fought one uphill battle after another. Between dealing with clients who seemed to want to fist-fight at work to petty little arguments with my partner to stupid neighbors acting like jackasses….just seemed like one battle after the next.
I had to make sure to take time away from everything this week, but with the rain and chill in the air, it seemed that I was going to have to learn to swim to the pond and float into the woods. I made myself go, though, and pressed harder into the world of magick than I think I have ever pressed. I found myself needing to separate from those things that were causing me the most stress. My blood pressure was going up like a hot air balloon. Each time it peaked, I could feel the blood vessels dancing in my face; I could feel the change of pressure in my eyes.
On Tuesday night, I decided to visit the courtyard….while it was pleasant and cool-ish, it just wasn’t far enough away from the issues and pressures at hand. I needed to go deeper. I walked out to the edge of the pond….I stared at the water with my eyes glazed over with the memories of issues of the past couple of days…..not big enough to be a crisis, but big enough to distract me. I breathed slowly in and out….releasing the stresses….receiving in cool, cleansing air. I walked quietly back to the condo, changed into my pajama pants and had a very restless nights sleep.
I woke up Wednesday morning dragging and grumpy. When I got to work, it was crisis after crisis after crisis….that nobody would deal with except me. I finished out the day completely exhausted. Of course, there was the glorious Atlanta rush hour traffic to contend with on the way home….and to be honest, quite a few folks get a case of the stupids when they drive in the rain. I walked in the front door and started taking off my scrubs….it is kind of like a snake shedding the old skin. I love the freedom I feel as I let the dirt of the day fall away from me. I felt as though I had been battling all day. I compared it to what a medieval warrior must have felt like after using his sword all day….my arms hurt, my back hurt, my legs hurt….I was one big ache. Battles are not for wusses.
Once I put on civilized clothing, including my cloak, I waded down to the woods. It was just cool enough to stir feelings of Fall’s approach inside of me. I took a garbage bag and a blanket with me….at least my behind wouldn’t end up completely soggy. In my backpack were my normal outdoor altar tools…candles, matches, a skull or two, and a wonderful new amulet I just got from Sarah Anne Lawless.
I sat down on the blanket which was covering the trash bag and set everything out….by now it was just barely spitting rain so I was able to light my candles. I breathed in and out slowly and purposefully. I called on the directions…I called on the elements (water was there in full representation)…I called on the Lord and Lady. I addressed the Morrigan….”One must get tired of wielding the sword so much. No wonder they speak of being battle weary.” I could feel something almost chuckling around me…..the leaves of the trees moving in the wind. I felt it deep in my spirit. “Meditate on what you are leaving behind when you fight.” I delved deep into my own spirit. I thought back on all the native american history I knew. I thought back on medieval times. A shield……why would you go out into battle without taking something to block what is coming against you?
It crept into my mind. Sometimes you may not even need to strike with the sword if you block strongly with the shield…of all things to forget. It should have been second nature for me to think of blocking an attack. I closed my eyes and visualized a strong blue bubble of healing around me…then I encased that bubble with red for passion…I was determined that nothing was going to get through. I lay down on the blanket and realized that by now everything was getting a bit soggy….including me. I packed up and walked back to the house. I changed into my pajama pants and made myself a cup of hot herbal tea (spiked with just a little bit of honey vodka)….pure heaven. I slept heavy that night.
When I got up on Thursday, I put the amulet around my neck. I figured that not only had it been charged by Sarah, but it also had absorbed the magick from the night before in the woods. I had no idea about what was waiting for me at work….a yellow-headed dragon…well, close enough. One of our clients met me at the door regarding an issue that I had no control over whatsoever. I did everything I could to accommodate her and when she left I thought it had been resolved. She called back later that afternoon and told my manager that I was combative and degrading….thankfully, I had a shield….a co-worker had been standing there listening to everything. It started to really dig into me…someone who didn’t even really know me would do something so vengeful and hateful. I brewed on it for a few hours…..then I remembered, “She really doesn’t know me. Why am I bothered by someone’s opinion who has no clue who I am. She doesn’t live with me, she doesn’t spend time with me, she doesn’t talk to me on a daily basis.” I could feel those shielding bubbles of protection kicking in. At first, I wanted to take the sword and cut her just as she had done me….but then I realized that this was a battle that had no significance at all. The sword wasn’t needed…..this time, only the shield.
Since that episode, I have been throwing myself into magickal workings. It has rained non-stop, so I have been utilizing the water and air elements. Healing has been strong on my list. I have friends who have need of healing in body and spirit. I want to see that healing manifested. Tonight I will work with fire. Fire represents passion and comfort to me….I have a few friends who have requested both. I look forward to seeing what can be accomplished through the combination of energy. I can already feel it swirling around me.
This morning, I saw something strange on the telephone pole above the parking lot. I kept hearing Mama Crow cawing frantically and angrily. I looked around trying to find her. I then heard the “squee squee” of a hawk nearby. I looked up to see Mama Crow absolutely tormenting that hawk. I honestly would have never thought that a crow would take on a bird that much bigger. She flew at, bit at and flailed at that hawk with something I have never, ever witnessed….and the hawk left. I was dumbfounded. I just stood there staring at Mama Crow up on that pole. I could almost swear her breast was puffed out in pride. It was then that I realized….in battle, it’s not size, strength, or even weapons….most of the time it is just pure tenacity.