Sticks and stones, fur and bones…
Serpents skin and feathers
Skull of crow and blackthorn’s stick,
Break the chains that tether.
Winds I engage to blow away,
Water drown it all…
In Earth it’s buried, deep and still.
Flames around it sprawl.
Mandrake, hellebore aconite…
Poison to the core
Raven’s wing and ground wasp’s sting
Drive away forevermore.
Lightning, Thunder, Wind and Rain…
Encircle me with power.
Wipe away those things that interfere
At my intention, cower.
With all my strength, I do push through
Evil’s held at bay.
Success and magick, all that’s good
Are now my life’s due pay.
Funny, just as I put that last line into the blog…the wind whips outside, thunder booms, and lightning flashes. We were just hit with a gully-washer of a storm. It always intrigues me, the things that take place when one is fed up.
This week has been a struggle. Not just a struggle, but one of those weeks where it feels like you have someone standing next to you with the sharp end of a tack pointed toward you, poking you at any moment you find yourself peacefully resting. I have been poke to the point of feeling raw and irritated and bruised.
I have been in an internship program at work now for three months. I have pushed myself beyond my comfort levels….I have out-performed those who were years younger than me….I have watched the initial group go from eight to now two people. Last week and tomorrow, we have been and will be going through assessments to see if we fit the positions available. My gut feeling Friday told me that I did not do so well on the written part of that particular assessment…but then, I have never tested well. Sit me down in front of the product and I can show you, with determined accuracy, the things that need to be done. I have watched as one by one, those who did not perform well, were ushered out the door.
Those of you who are familiar with the Weathered Wiseman know that I am my own worst enemy, my own worst critic, and my harshest competitor. I have beat myself over the head continually over the past week….I have given myself many more lashes than anyone else could ever deliver.
Last night, I went a friend’s house for a night of playing cards and drinking. Funny how those who have known you the longest tend to pour sympathy over you…..”Well, you have been in worse spots.” “It isn’t like you haven’t worked hard. You don’t have anything to worry about.” It is also amazing how much of a difference a whole bottle and then some of wine will make.
There is always the tender, warm fuzzies that you get from witches when you are feeling sorry for yourself. Encouraging? Yes. Supportive? Yes. Warm fuzzies? Yeah, not so much. LOL!! One friend, whom I treasure dearly and is always there for me…spoke harsh truth, “Go outside NOW!! I am sending strength to you on the wind!! GO OUTSIDE, NOW!!! The Morrigan HAS SPOKEN!!!” She knows better than anyone that I gather my strength from the elements….and of course as I stand outside, a strong coolish breeze wraps around me like a hug and a spanking all at once. I realize that I am a stubborn witch…I also realize that most of the time, I need my ass kicked rather than kissed.
Yesterday, during the day, I was in such a funk that I sat inside all day long with the shades closed, cup of coffee in my hands, “Bewitched’ dvd’s in replay mode on the television. The only thing missing was the big fuzzy robe and thumb sucking. Friz didn’t know what to do with me. We didn’t go through our usual romp through the woods or pond. We didn’t lie down in the leaves under the canopy of trees. There was no backpack with candles, no skulls. Just re-runs, coffee and chocolate….not even good chocolate. We are talking Easter leftover chocolate bought on sale in the Kroger candy aisle. At one point Friz climbed up my chest and looked at me eyeball to eyeball. If he could have talked, it would have been, “Heifer, get off your butt and walk with me to our private place. Take your magick stuff and you will feel better.” Instead, I stayed in my lump until we went to play cards.
I woke up this morning a little more determined. Friz did too. This morning, he headed to the woods. It was evident that he was going with or without me. Luckily, I packed my backpack. I didn’t realize that I had put everything that I could think of in it. I took out the skulls and bones and stones and feathers and fur and as I addressed the directions and invited the elements in, I sat and quietly started to address my own self pity….my own feelings of inadequacy…my own feelings of depression. I pulled out a small journal that my friend Jackie gave me and I wrote the spell that started this blog.
I know my own heart. I know my strengths and abilities. I know what I am capable of. I know that I have poured all of my talent and knowledge and drive into this internship. My only prayer to Lord and Lady is that those around me and those with the decision making power see that. I have never given anything less than 100%, no matter what it involved. I don’t do half-assed. I am not without fault and not perfect, but I am who I am and I pour myself wholly into people and life. One incident does not define me.
Peculiar…it takes a chihuahua, a handful of boisterous witches….and a bottle and a bit more of wine to make me realize that the only time the magick won’t work is when I stop seeking it and expecting to see it all around me….and also realizing that it is working and all around me whether I see it and believe it or not.