It truly is hard to believe that I have been away from here this long. Sometimes we just need time to rest, grow, and regroup. We have to take the time to nourish and grow our spirits and reacquaint ourselves with who we are.
These past couple of years have been years of sorrow, growth, and learning to dig deep into my spirit to remember who I am and what I want my life to be. In that time, my sweet Frisbee passed into the Summerlands. I know that the death of a pet/familiar shouldn’t throw us into a tailspin, but his did that to me. I wasn’t prepared and it happened all too fast. His little heart gave out and it did it quickly. On a cold November night in 2018, we said goodbye to one of the best friends and sweetest spirits I have ever known.
I have learned that sometimes it isn’t all about loud, planned out rituals and dancing naked under the moonlight. Sometimes the most potent magic comes from sitting outside under the moonlight with a cup of tea or coffee holding conversations with the moon like the old friend that she is. The best magic is quietly whispering your intentions as you sit curled up in your recliner with a cat softly purring in your lap.
I still take my walks by the pond…though not as often as before. I venture into the woods even more now, but I walk a little slower nowadays. I have learned that there is no need to rush through life. The world spins fast enough around us without us having to add to that momentum. My niece and nephews (yes, I now have a total of 7) have taught me to live in the moment. As far as they are concerned, today is the only thing that matters. We FaceTime a lot. I talk to my mom almost every day….again, typically over a cup of coffee.
One of the biggest undertakings I have had in the past year is that I had Gastric Sleeve Surgery. The decision wasn’t a decision that I made lightly. After months and months of research and preparation, I had 85% of my stomach removed on June 14, 2019. Honestly, It was the best decision I ever made. I have lost over 160 pounds in less than a year. I am off of most of my medication…am no longer pre-diabetic and have more energy than I know what to do with. Most of the issues after the surgery are mind related. I still see a fat version of myself when I look in the mirror. I crave things, but not out of hunger, but out of habit. I am having to retrain my brain to listen to my body.
We have been ushered into a Pandemic since the beginning of this year. I am finding the challenges of everyday life (Working from home, spending 24/7 with the members of the household) are teaching me more about myself that I thought I wanted to know. I have mellowed…a lot. The impulsive witch seems to have melted in the midst of all of the changes and challenges and I have found more of myself in the aftermath. I have come to realize that not everything has to be a battle. It is the smart warriors that know when they truly need to expend the effort to fight.
I have come to enjoy the simpler ways of magic. I spend my time in the woods these days releasing whispers of spells into the wind. I find that as I confide in Nature and the spirits within it, that they trust me more and I trust them. Yes, I still do the wonderful, wild and frenetic rituals when needed, but most of the time, my spells are quiet, simple, to the point and thoughtful. I have found a joy in creating, giving, and pouring into the magic of others. Witchcraft isn’t a ‘gimme’ craft. I have found that in contributing to the magic of others, my needs have been met many times over.
As I get older, I find that the need to make things…to use my hands as a means of creating magic and pouring my intent into something is a necessity. As I create staves, wands, wand stands, and apothecary boxes…I feel the magic and the emotion and the power flowing through. It is in those processes that I work healing magic and magic for others needing it. It is easy as I mold something with my hands to visualize a manifestation of spirit and soul.
I have found that in the loss of many things…even those things we love most, that there are things that we will find that we never even knew we needed. It is when the heart hurts most that we have to dig the deepest for purpose, strength, and even magic. We get so wrapped up in our own grief and hurt that we forget that there are those who have lost more and hurt worse.
I have changed….physically, emotionally, mentally…and yes, even magically.
The Weathered Wiseman