Corn-fed Crows and Resurrection from Rubble

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This afternoon, my partner and I drove past my dream home.  Yes, the picture above is that house.  I have driven by this house at least once a week for the ten years I have lived in Atlanta.  Up until now, it has remained there…in a certain state of disrepair.  For some reason, I thought it always would be there.  Nothing ever seemed to change.

I would stop by on a Saturday here and there to sneak peeks through the window.  You could see where the kitchen had been gutted.  There were leaves in the fireplace.  The small wooden porch in the back that had been enclosed was starting to crumble.  This was a house, that just by looking at it, you could tell it had a story to tell.

Today, when we drove by that crumbling little cottage that I had so many times, in my mind, refurbished and resurrected…we saw a ‘For Sale’ sign.  Not just a sign that noted that my little gray cottage was for sale, but that it was under contract.  I quickly texted my landlord to see what was happening.  He asked if I wanted to take a look inside of it, and of course, I jumped at the opportunity.

As we walked through each room, I could feel wonderful energy throughout the house.  The fireplace that, in my minds eye, I could see generations of families laughing in front of….the dining room, where I could visualize birthday parties and holiday meals…the attic, which was so huge and spacious and full of marvelous energy.  We walked through that gutted kitchen and I could feel the energy swirling around as decades before, meals had been prepared and canning jars lined the counters.SHORPY_8b30802a.preview

I have been in old houses where you could feel turmoil and anger….not this house.  This house had been a much loved home.  My landlord laid out the story of a little old man who had held onto his home….refused to sell it as long as he was alive.  A man, who fought with all he had to keep this little gray cottage, even in its disrepair, until the day he died just a little over a week ago.

As I walked up the permanent attic stairs, I could feel something surge through me.  This would have been my workshop of witchery.  Something that would well outshine what those girls from “Charmed” had.  I could visualize my book of shadows on a stand in the middle of a pentagram painted onto the floor.  I could see the walls lined with bookshelves filled with all of my ‘witchy’ books and all manner of herbs and magickal accoutrements.


As we finished our walk-through, my landlord broke the news to me.  Not only was the house under contract, but the house was being torn down.  It was bought for the land and the promise of a brand new, generic looking, cookie cutter monstrosity being plopped down over the space where this wonderful cottage stood.  I went into mourning for the rest of the afternoon…until a beautiful friend suggested harvesting some bricks (with the new owner’s permission) for garden work…I could also use it to make brick dust.

Of course, I can see how everything in life orders itself.  This morning, Friz and I decided to walk a path that we haven’t traveled in a while.  We headed out toward the pond. As we got closer, Friz’s tail starts rotating wildly.  If it could have propelled him hard enough, he would have left the ground.  I looked up and in the distance saw a familiar mutt loping toward us.  Friz couldn’t stand it….he wanted to play.  I have to admit, too, that my heart skipped a beat or two in excitement.  I questioningly called out, “Calliope?”  The dogs tongue lolled out of her mouth and she ran harder toward us.  When she reached us, she danced around my legs and Friz danced along with her.

We walked along the path that had been created by so many of mine and Friz’s journeys before.  As we arrived at the edge of the pond, we moved closer to the trees that dotted the landscape.  Leaning against the one that Friz and I normally shared was the Green Wizard.  He was reaching into his pocket pulling out handfuls of something and throwing it toward a murder of crows scavenging the grass.  As I got closer, he stopped what he was doing and stood to his feet.  A smile came to his face as he said, “Good morning, Weathered Wiseman.”  I smiled and chuckled, “Good morning, Green Wizard.”

I explained to him that I wasn’t sure that I would ever be seeing him again.  He looked at me with a seriousness about himself and told me that he had thought the same thing, but had felt that our time together was not quite finished.  We both sat down in the grass….the talk came so easy…as if we had known each other for centuries.  We talked of the coming Blood Moon and the energy that would be available at that time.  We talked about the closeness of Beltane and our mutual love for the sleek black gravelly voiced birds that surrounded us.  We laughed and talked about our love for the fur people and feathered ones and any other manner of critter.qri-17a


I asked him what he had been feeding the crows.  He pulled his hand out of his pocket and opened it to reveal many golden kernels of corn.  I asked him where he had gotten it.  He told me that there was a huge pile of it under a few trees a ways back….then I remembered the neighbor who likes to feed the squirrels.  More than once, I have seen Friz look up at me with yellow crumbs around his mouth from foraging and finding her huge piles of corn….and of course, the plethora of poop that followed.  I was amazed at the number of crows withing walking distance of us.  They were having the most wonderful time.  They were cawing back and forth…moving non-stop.

The Green Wizard turned to me again and with a more-than-serious face asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?  Why don’t you rush in another direction when you see me…the way your neighbors do?”  I answered truthfully, “I am not threatened by you.  I see nothing to fear.  I feel a kinship….and my dog likes you.”  Right then, as if on cue, Friz stretches and pushes his back feet against the Green Wizard.  He laughed and told me that was the reason he trusted me….his dog liked me.  I told him that I learned a long time ago not to judge based on differences.

I was actually able to look into his eyes at that moment.  There, staring back at me through damage inflicted by the elements, was a softness.  Such kindness and truth like I had never seen, looked right into my spirit.  I don’t give into that type of vulnerability often.  I keep myself shielded until someone proves their authenticity to me.

He smiled and said to me, “Weathered Wiseman, the coming moon brings so much to you.  You need to take your time with her.  Woo her. Sit with her and talk to her.  She is the key to all that you have set into motion.”  I sat there with my mouth gaped open.   I am amazed that such wisdom comes out of someone so young.  I am then reminded that even though he is young, he has been seasoned well by wind, water, earth and the fire of the sun.  7521dfb1e888171f287d63e396bc5b9f-d5kdtom

It was then that he said something to me that I knew beyond knowing.  He told me that we had known each other in other lives.  We had been connected many times before and we would be connected many times more.  I know where the connection lies and I feel he does too, but we quietly sit and enjoy the sounds of the dogs snoring and grunting.  He leans his head back to rest and I do the same.  All I can think is that this is a man who seems to have nothing other than his dog….but yet, not once has he ever asked me for anything.  I get up and tell him that Friz and I will be right back.  I go to the condo and make an egg and cheese sandwich with a travel mug of milk.  I bag up a big portion of Friz’s kibble for Calliope.

I walk back down to the pond and he is standing up.  I hand him the sandwich and he thanks me.  He eats it slowly….savoring every bite.  The reaction I didn’t expect was the one I got when I handed him the dog food.  He choked on the words as he thanked me and scooped his hand into the bag.  He talked to Calliope sweetly and tenderly as he fed her from his hand.  She, too, seemed to savor every bite.

We said our good-byes.  I don’t know if today is the last time we see each other in this life or whether I will see him again next week.  All I know is that I have learned valuable lessons in perception this week.

Never look at anything the way those around you expect you to.  Always look upon someone or something with a heart of magick, vulnerability, truth and love.  It is in those moments that you will see that person or thing for what it truly is.

Today…I am awe-struck.  I am humbled.  I have possibly spent time with the greatest wizard in the world.  He lives his life simply and with great humility and love.  I have witnessed some of the most powerful magick that exists.


A Glimpse Inside the Veil

Beltane is upon us and with that comes the thinning of the veil.  The lines between living and dead become a little more blurred.  We are given opportunities to communicate with those who have moved into the summerlands. 

As a child, I was told stories of “haints” and the “booger woods.”  Some of these were based on stories of my grandfather’s people. In other words, the older folks loved to scare the shit out of us kids.  Halloween was a horrifying time for me back then.  I was always told of some apparition being seen and taking some unsuspecting soul off to the underworld.  I can remember that evil twinkle in my grandpa’s eye as he watched me tremble in fear as he told the tale of being chased through the “booger woods” by a headless pig.  Yes…..I was a nervous young ‘un.

It wasn’t until much later in life that I was able to accept that the spirit was just essentially us stepping out of the body that held us captive and moving into another stage of being.  Energy is energy….it just takes different forms.  It was only after this epiphany that I was visited regularly in my dreams by those who had passed.

The dreams have never been scary.  These dreams have always had a purpose.  Most of the time this purpose was to teach me.  Now, I have to preface this with the fact that most of my friends and acquaintances think I am quite brave and unshakeable.  The contrary is true.  My worst enemy is fear.  Even though I have bungee jumped, run from bulls, moved to New York with $20 in my pocket…..I have lived a life of fear.

You see, even with all of the above accomplishments, I inherited a powerful thing from my mother…..the spirit of the worry-wort.  In the past, I have been fearful of what would happen if I lost my job….what would happen if the one I loved most died….what would happen if I went over a bridge……I have learned one thing with relation to all of this…..dwell on it enough, and it can manifest.

I fought and fought with myself to lose that worrying nature.  I have lost my job….it didn’t kill me.  I lost a partner whom I loved with my whole mind, body, and spirit….I found love again.  I did go over a bridge….I floated.  It was when I began to leave the worry behind that those beyond the veil knew that it was ok to approach me.

This is when the dreams began.  The first was a dream about a Victorian girl in an old mansion. There was a sadness and desperation about her.  I would visit the house and she would meet me at the door, staring at me with melancholy eyes.  I would get into the bowels of the house and there was a very angry energy.  It was the energy of a man who had abused her until the time that she died.  In the dreams, all I ever did was listen to her and banish the evil energy.  I would have dreams involving her several nights or even weeks in a row.  The dreams would stop when she worked up the courage to face the energy on her own.

The latest dream I had was just last week.  I dreamed I was lying in my bed beside my present partner.  Encircling the bed was my grandma at my right arm, my grandpa at my left arm, my aunt at my feet, and my partner who died at my head.  Each one of these people were stroking the part of my body at which they were standing.  My partner who died was stroking my temples.  I never felt fear during this episode….only overwhelming love.  I remember lying there crying as he stroked my temples and smiled down at me.

Personally, lately, I have been having such an excruciatingly hard time.  My mind is exhausted….my body is tired and aching….I am feeling mentally overwhelmed….and essentially just overdone.  It is when I am like this that the fearful me tries to creep in.  I feel sure that those I loved most were visiting to comfort me and tell me that I am only becoming stronger. 

I feel, and others feel that I am going through a shift in my magickal life right now.  Things have been happening to move me into a different place…..and it scared me.  I knew when I looked into my former partners eyes that it is alright to move forward.  I did it once when he died….I must constantly move forward.  It’s funny…..this week when I have my weak moments, I smell him. It pushes me through….then I come home to the arms of the man I am head over heels in love with now and it just makes me soar through the skies….higher than any broomstick could take me.

Blessed Beltane, Ý’all!