I Second That Emotion….

I think I have mentioned it before in here that I have “empathic tendencies.” It doesn’t tend to rare up unless someone that I have very deep feelings about is going through something….then it comes on with full force. This week has been full force.

Now, I will be honest with you—when I had the excess weight on, it seemed easier to deal with the torrents of emotion that would come at me. I would assume that is because I have had so much extra padding (no pun intended). I have found that with the weight loss I have experienced and the purging of all that is artificial and yummy, that my senses are heightened, my brain seems more alert, and I have way too much energy for the fat left on me right now. I always said that my fat was a layer of protection for me. This week, I think I found out that it was shielding me from myself. A friend of mine said this to me just yesterday: You have to restructure your mind with your new body Dave…it’s not all about the outside!

It seems as though so many people whom I love and admire are going through emotional hurricanes over the past week or three, including the little four leggeds. I have sat and cried like a giant baby reading what some folks have had to endure this week. And while I am saying this….I don’t dare stay in the room when I hear Sarah McLaughlin’s voice come on the television.

I have friends who have dealt with loss on so many levels this week. There are those who have had unspeakable changes hit them smack dab in the middle of the forehead. I have witnessed these strong, indomitably spirited folks pulling themselves up by the bootstraps…..walking forward (even though they may be walking with a slight limp)….picking up the shattered hearts of others along the way. I watch as they apply the salve to their own wounds so that they might help in the healing of the wounds of others.

I got up early yesterday morning, as is my habit….I wanted to go to the pond. I needed to get a bit of relief for the antsy-ness I was feeling. I gathered up the little blue chihuahua and bundled up and walked the same path, I always walk. I felt a whisper deep inside, “Why don’t you walk around the long way to get there?” Since I was in a hurry and bombarded with jittery-ness, I hurried along that same familiar path so that I could experience the peace of pond even quicker. I sat down as quickly as I could sit. I called for Friz to come and lie down on my lap. He wasn’t going to have it. I looked for the herd of cats…..nowhere to be seen. I put my head against my old friend Oak. I figured if nothing else, I might get a nap in……wrong again. Mama Crow was perched on her telephone pole. She proceeded to caw at me non-stop for two hours. Granted I have sat and carried on conversation with her before, but this was more like a lecture. When she finally let up, I got up and walked back home.

After everything that went on yesterday, I was essentially an uber bitch to be around, so everyone walked ten feet around me. I don’t blame them….I didn’t want to deal with me either. I made my dinner and at the roomie’s advice, went for a long walk as it cooked. I put my Iphone in my pocket and my headphones on and put the music on shuffle. As I walked, I listened to Omnia…one of my absolute favorite groups. Their song, “Wolf Song” came on:

Stumbling through the winter forest
Her feet froze’ to the bone
The darkness holds no solace
So very, very far from home
A crimson cloak behind her drags
It’s torn by thorns and snagged to rags

Pity maiden for your folly
To venture in these woods alone
Mercy lives not in the holly
No compassion from the stones
Your fear brings tears like summer rain
(Oh mother father where I am?)
They beg for me to ease your pain
(I’m cast adrift what should I do?)

My love oh I beseech thee
Throw thy cloak aside to feed me
Crimson rivers from your veins
Crimson rivers feel no pain
Your long red hair ensnares me
Your warm red blood it calls me
My red right hand shall take thee home

Leave it to Crow and Wolf to lead me yesterday. I felt that whisper again to go a different way from my normal path. I followed this time. It led me deeper into a wooded area surrounding the condo. I went deeper and deeper into the woods. This did not seem like as friendly an area as my pond. It was overgrown in brambles and briars…it was much darker. I smelled the air and it seemed as though trouble had visited here. I felt the beginnings of fear try to rise up. I felt movement by my side…it was the spirit of wolf. I felt the fear start to dissipate. In that same moment I heard Owl in the tree to my left. I knew that all of my dear witches were showing up one by one…..I could sense the spirit of dragonfly, butterfly, cat….and of course, the spirit of Crow. I called on them to encircle me. I sat down gingerly next to a wad of vines….I heard movement. Fear started to grip me again. As I felt the color leaving my face, I see black and white cat padding through those woods…I just about passed out from relief. He curled up on me and looked up at me as if to say, “The same spell doesn’t work for every need.”

Needs have to be met where they are. I know that some of my friends have been going through extremely dark times….as an empath, sometimes I must endure the darkness (accompanied and surrounded by the energies of those who guide and protect me) to send the energy needed and the hope for brighter times. Does it scare me? Sometimes, yes. But sometimes we have to push head-first through fear for strength to kick in. Do we get tangled in the briars and brambles of others troubles? Sometimes….but they do not have to ensnare us and trap us. It is in those moments that Magick truly happens…..we realize who we truly are and what we need to do.

In helping to heal the pain of others, sometimes we find ourselves. We understand that as shielded as we may think we are, sometimes we have to be vulnerable to allow Magick to work through us for others.

I made my way out of the woods with a little black and white cat moving quickly beside me. Once I was on the sidewalk, he was gone again. When I got home, I was greeted with, “Where have you been? I took your dinner out for you before it burned.” The only answer I had was, “I went for a walk…and you wouldn’t believe the things I saw.

Blessed Be!

When Change Becomes Inevitable

Each year, the change of the seasons becomes more and more amazing to me.  Things happen right under your nose.  You look at a tree one day and it seems dead and worn out.  You look again the following day and there is new growth….buds just waiting to spring forth.  Winter to spring can be a glorious thing, but then again, so can summer to fall.

Just a bit ago, we had a strong sturdy rainstorm come up.  I decided that I needed to go walking for a bit. Most people would see someone walking through the rain with no umbrella and think that they have lost their marbles. During the walk, you could smell the change of the seasons coming.  Earlier in the week when you would walk outside there was a humid summery smell.  It was the smell of that last beach trip or the smell of that last hurrah that the garden sends out.  Today was the smell of cool wet leaves preparing for the transition from vivid green to the reds, oranges and yellows of autumn.  It was the smell of the squirrels digging up the acorns they had buried so that they could take them back to the nest.

It seems like just yesterday that we were complaining about that bone-chilling cold that winter brings and preparing for Yule. The world has a way of changing around us sometimes without us even realizing it.  Many times, though, we will be asked to participate in that change.  The past year has brought so many changes to my life.  Some of these changes were wonderful, some I thought were so-so, and some of the changes hurt and I did not like them. 

Over the past year, I have seen many births (human and animal).  There is nothing like holding a newborn of any species in your hands and feeling the miracle that shines forth from this new life.  I also have experienced many deaths over the past year…not just the old who had completed the circle and were ready to move on, but also much younger who weren’t quite ready to leave this life behind and fought the transition tooth and nail.  I have also had to help some along….spirits that were ready to go, but for some reason the body just wouldn’t let go.  One such instance plays across my mind…I was asked to be a part of the transition stage for an old dog.  I could tell when I walked into the room that she was in pain and was ready to cross over into the summerlands.  She could barely breathe and any movement was an enormous effort.  She laid her head into the palm of my hand as the doctor spoke to the caretakers.  We did what was needed and as she took her last breath, I felt her relax completely into my hands.  I sat there with tears running down my cheek and knew that she had at last gotten the peace and healing she needed.  I was the one changed.

How many times have we been confronted by any change only to fight kicking and screaming against it?  Most of the time, it is going to happen whether we want it to or not.  Movement is a natural part of the circle.  Part of the proof is by looking at the way the body responds to inactivity.  If you were to be sedentary long enough, the muscles atrophy.  They lose strength and power.  It is the same way with our spiritual path whether it be witchcraft or christianity or buddhism.  If we don’t change, if we dont move, we lose spiritual strength and power.  For this reason alone, I do some bit of Magick everyday.  It could be a simple spell for healing or strength, but it keeps Magick alive in my life. 

We hear so many in the world today say that Magick no longer exists or that there is no such thing as Magick.  That only comes from a group of people who have either chosen not to believe or have chosen not to utilize the power that Magick holds.  If you tell the caterpillar not to turn into a butterfly, it doesn’t keep it from happening, but it may just keep you from seeing it.

The word “change” in the picture above could honestly be replaced with the word “Magick.”  Isn’t most change, just that anyway?  Magick? 

I went walking with Frisbee down by the pond again this morning.  There was a nice cooling breeze dancing across the water.  As I watched, I saw the water dancing alongside the breeze. Ripples and waves and motion all following the lead of that glorious breeze.  There was a definite aroma out there.  It was the smell of life….movement….change.  Have you ever smelled stagnant water?  It stinks.  Seriously, the smell will make you sick. 

I sat leaned against the largest tree by the pond.  I could feel the fae trying to tickle the underside of my nose as I drifted off.  I could feel Friz settle in and get comfortable next to me. The black and white cat that has become a part of mine and Friz’ pond time was settled in closeby.  If I hadn’t been willing to accept change, I might have shooed him away on the first visit.  I made a promise then and there.  I promise to try my best to embrace the changes brought before me.  I will follow those rabbits into the rabbit hole.  I will climb the mountains that seem a bit too high. I will chase breezes and play dodgeball with the raindrops.  I will embrace Magick wholeheartedly and surrender what I am for what I truly can become.

If you always do what you have always done, you will always be what you always were.

Blessed Be!