We are at the cusp of Imbolc. The home fires have been stoked and the pantry filled. The days are starting to get longer. Here in the south, we are starting to see signs of daffodils, snowdrops, crocus and even hyacinth peeking eagerly through the dirt. I have also noticed that particular change in the natures of the animals. The outdoor female cats around the complex are becoming more vocal and rubbing against anything they can find.
As the earth begins to awaken again, so does that part of us that calls us to the mating ritual. Our bodies and our minds begin to feel alive again. The heartbeat of the earth around us beats with the pulse of sexual energy.
This week has been a phenomenal week for me. I have touched a part of my spirit that has lain dormant for quite a long time. As I went to sleep Sunday night, my dreams drifted toward a school where I was taking classes. An old pickup drove up through the field surrounding the school and I got in. Inside the pickup was a friend…as my leg touched the seat, he reached out to touch my leg, then my arm…and then he leaned in and we passionately kissed. Moments later, we were in an abandoned cabin where the touches and exploration continued…the heat of the moment rose more and more. It was if there were flames and ice around us at the same time. And then I woke up.
The heat and passion inside that dream stayed with me through the day. I could barely concentrate on work at times, because I could feel the same sensations I was feeling in the dream happening to my body over and over. I kept a cool damp cloth with me all day.
Don’t get me wrong….I love my partner very much. He means the world to me, but I came to the realization this week that we work so hard to push that sexual, fiery part of our nature out of the way….it has to find a release. As I drifted off to sleep each night this week, new people would become a part of my dreams. Each dream was just as intense and heat inducing as the first. I started receiving messages from those I dreamed about. “Did you, by chance, dream about me last night?” “Yes, why?” “Was it a strongly sexual dream.” “Yes, why?” “Because it felt like you were here with me….I could feel your lips, your touch.”
I didn’t try to ‘conjure up’ any kind of sexual dream and I definitely didn’t go in with any person locked away in that part of my mind…but still it manifested. I decided that it was, once again, time for me to sit down with myself and see what I needed to do to give this part of myself acknowledgement and an outlet.
Late last night after everyone went to bed, I slipped off to my sacred space. Now guys….as you read this…don’t gloss over it or tune it out. Believe me, it applies. I had lit red candles throughout the space. Sandalwood, Dragon’s Breath and Bergamot incense filled the space. As I entered, I removed all my clothes. We have all become so self conscious of our bodies…I’m too fat, too skinny…I don’t measure up…I am too hairy, nothairy enough. Women…how many times have you stood in judgement of your own body? You threw out the good before you even had time to acknowledge it.
I watched as the candlelight flickered against my body. I felt the heat begin to surface. I used my breathing as a substitute for the heartbeat of the earth mother….and I felt the emergence of the Horned God. I began to visualize the strength of the Horned God manifesting inside me. My breath quickened. I could smell the musk of my own sexuality filling my nostrils. I could feel my face flushing as I breathed and concentrated on the candlelight. As I came down from this indescribable high, I extinguished the candles one at a time until the final candle in front of me was the only one lit. I used my fingers to extinguish the flame…the pinch of the fire only added to my experience.
I apparently fell asleep in my sacred space. My roommate woke me up as he was heading out the door this morning. What a visual that mush have been as he moved past the pillows and candles to find a large, hairy naked me sound asleep.
I got up and got dressed and went to the woods. I went alone this morning. I needed time with me. Friz must have understood because I could hear him snoring from inside the kennel. As I settled down into the dirt, I took my shoes off so that I could feel her heartbeat a little stronger. It was as if I could feel every breath….I could feel the life incubating inside her trying to burst forth early. I could feel her heartbeat as she gave herself to the God in complete abandon. As each pulse of her own flame met each thrust of his, her heartbeat quickened even more. In these moments, I had not only become more intimate with the Horned God, but I had also experienced that same intimacy with the Goddess.
I am a living breathing sexual being. The spiritual part of that same nature is just as strong. It is a brooding, pulsing part of my magick. This afternoon, I lit some incense…the same as last night but with cinnamon added. I lit red candles throughout the bedroom. I brought out the massage oil and I slowly removed mine and his clothes…I always have said that magick is something that should be shared.