Be the Witch You Are

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Sitting outside, minding my own business, playing with my phone and eating my lunch while overhearing a small group of inconsiderate Buckhead Bettys talking smack about everything from their husbands to the maids and everyone in between. When a bird flew by and crapped in one of their salads. You should have seen the look on her face and heard the shriek she let out when she bit into a spoonful of bird crap.

This is from the Facebook post of a friend of mine.  We have all been fed crap at some point in our lives.  We have been told that we aren’t doing something correctly or that something we believe isn’t the truth or that we are wrong for being who we are.503155

In looking back, in so many ways, I was a chameleon.  I was always changing to blend into my surroundings.  I think back to my high school years…I was neither jock nor redneck or geek or popular.  I blended with all of those crowds.  It was easy to fade into the background, never having enough voice to speak to who I really was.

As I aged, I became more confident in who was inside my skin.  It became easier to say the “G” word.  I was confident enough to walk down the street holding hands with my partner.  Charlotte, North Carolina was not quite as confident in my ‘gayness’ as I was.  I remember being beaten up a few times just for standing strong and believing in who I am.  I couldn’t understand why other people should be allowed to show the love they had for their significant other in public places, but I couldn’t.

More years added more callouses.  I came out of another closet…the broom closet.  Once more the chorus of background voices started singing the “you need to…you ought to…you’ve got to…” serenade.  People can’t seem to understand that others have to walk their own path.  We feel the need to push them bound and gagged down the path we think they should follow.

Social media has become a great source of access to those practicing the Craft, but with the many groups, it can also be a great source of judgement for those who may be new and walking with a bit of uncertainty.  Don’t get me wrong, there are groups out there that are honestly interested in the growth of those new to the Craft.  It is when I see others take a holier than thou attitude when it comes to aiding someone in their journey that starts that slow burn in me.  I also have no time for those who will question or ridicule a path that someone walks because it doesn’t mirror their own.1375283_10152309486609007_5108159257972466424_n

Our lives are an evolution.  We are constantly growing…branching into many different directions.  We have to allow others to walk, to fall…but we have to be willing to pick them up.  We have to be willing to change.  The world around us shows us that change is the only constant in our lives.

This morning, when Friz and I made our way to the woods, I could smell change in the air.  Even though it was still warm-ish out, there was a crispness in the air.  I carried Friz most of the way this morning.  It had been a week since we had seen each other (I was away on business in Florida).  I honestly have to say that as we rounded the corner to the column where the Green Wizard normally shows himself, I felt a bit disheartened when I didn’t see him.  I walked toward the woods with Friz cradled in the crook of my arm.  We got to our little clearing and I started unpacking…candles, bones, magickal what nots…and breakfast.  Just as I settled in, I heard a rustling that startled me.  I turned quickly and let out a short yelp as the Green Wizard rushed toward me.  Friz was all excited.  I think I peed a little just from the surprise.

He fell onto the leaves laughing and I did a mock scowl.  He chuckles out an apology.  I can’t be mad….after all, I was so disappointed when I didn’t see him…and it was so good seeing the twinkle in his eyes coming back.  We talked about everything and nothing all at once.  He asked about the trip to Florida and I questioned him about his journeys for the week.  We talked about the approaching change in seasons and Mabon.  We talk about things to come.  The Green Wizard’s mood becomes more somber, “You know you are the only person who doesn’t look at me and see a homeless bum.  You have taken the time to get to know me.  You understand who I am.  You have taken time to understand my hopes and my dreams…to know that there is more to me than ragged clothes and a wandering path.”

I explained to him that to some degree, we are all wandering.  We are all ragged and dirty from all that life throws at us and throws us into…but we continue the journey.  We find who we are buried in those moments when no one else is looking at us…when we fade into the background.  It is in the silence that we learn to hear and recognize our own voices.

I read a piece written and shared on Facebook by a dear friend of mine, Cindy Maluna,

Mabon…September 22. The second of the three major harvests, and also the autumn equinox. The balance between light and dark. Southern hemisphere….Ostara…spring equinox. The days grow shorter, darker from here on out. Things die, or will become dormant…a necessity. This marks the descent of the Sun God….he will return at Yule. Just a short time actually…and the coming months are full of activities to keep us busy. We’ve enjoyed the veggies…will savor the fruits…and survive the winter. We will. We’ll order bulbs…plan our gardens….tend our houses. You can’t change the cycles…one balances the other…death. Rebirth. You have to look at it with practicality, with realism. Our bodies change, we grow old, we die. Those who give birth….our legacy…goes on. Those who don’t have children….you leave your mark on this world…your thoughts, deeds, yes…you are still part of the great thread of life. We’re entering the Crone stage….and believe me…it’s an awesome time…can’t have children anymore? Give birth to yourself….create this special time of YOU. I move slower, ache more, take longer to do things….but I enjoy what I do, what I create….I savor it. I love it. You have so much to contribute to this world…until the day you die…you have opportunities right in front of you. Don’t miss out by looking back… what you were…..create what you will be. Harvest, eat it up…and enjoy. You are on this Earth….make it count. Become a legacy….welcome Mabon. BB2014-09-20 18.38.13

 

I explained that it was through Magick, through our own legacy of the Craft, I came to know and to understand him and him, me.  I walked him through my own daily journeys….learning every day to be a more genuine, effective me.  Those closest to me see my failures…they watch me fall.  More important than anything in the world, though, is the fact that they see me pick myself up, brush off the dirt and keep on moving.  I have only one desire and that is to be the best I can personally be.  I fully intend to be the witch I am.

Blessed Be!

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The Resurgence of the Cunning Man

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I have been reading quite a bit lately.  The book that has been the focus of my attention is called, “The Cunning Man’s Handbook” by Jim Baker.  This book covers the practices of the English Cunning Man from years 1550-1900.  It covers the evolution of the cunning folk and the progression of their magick.  These were the healers, charmers, and magicians of the day.  It even discusses the relation to the African practice of Hoodoo.

The cunning folk of the age literally lived at the boundaries of society.  Most were positioned outside of the main hub of villages, simply because the religious leaders of the times were more than suspicious of their practices which may have included tinctures, potions, charms, amulets, spells or curses.

Even looking toward Shamanism, you see often that the Holy Man was often located at the edge of the encampment.  This was not just a way of separating him from the ‘common’ folk….but a means of protection for the tribe.  His medicine would ward off evil spirits and anyone or anything that would wish harm upon the people.

This book has caused my mind to reel and analyze my own practices.  How many times in a week or month are we approached by those around who know that we are witches and conjurers?  How often do they approach us tentatively for fear that someone in their immediate circle might find out what they are doing?  To whom do we remain in the ‘broom closet?’

I know that many in my own condo complex seek me out to give advice or to interpret the latest dream.  Friends call on me when energies are needed or they want a charm for ‘luck’ or protection.  I am the one in my cube at work that has the scent of lavender wafting around him.  I keep a hag stone with a crow bone hidden under my shirt as an amulet.  I keep a large chunk of amethyst on my desk as a ‘paperweight.’

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As I reclined on the sofa last night, I felt antsy.  The more I tried to relax, the less relaxation would come.  I decided that  it would be the perfect night for magick in the courtyard.  There were breezes blowing…I figured it might be a good night for pushing things out of the way.  I built a fire in the cauldron, settled down in front of it with handfuls of herbs, and addressed the directions, the elements, my guides.  It amazes me how wrapped up people get in the ‘you aren’t doing that the way it is supposed to be done’ mentality.  I have been practicing witchcraft for way too many years to care about the way others think it should be done.  If I have learned one thing about magick…it is the fact that it is ever-changing…so why shouldn’t we be the same.

I love the fact that when my spirit connects with the spirits of my guides and the ancients…there simply is no other way to say it…magick happens. It seems as if the elements dance around me, calling me to fly with them.  It is in this time that it is very evident that the Horned One is very much alive in me.  It is in this season of harvest that I feel that energy for the hunt and the harvest coursing through me.  As the air grows more and more crisp with each day, I feel more and more alive.  It is as if I feel my own energy and virility coursing through. It is in this time that my second sight becomes keener…my sense of smell sharper…my hearing, even more acute.

It is in this time that creativity soars to the surface.  My brain begins to create faster than my hands.  So many thoughts, spells, potions, tools playing chase through my brain.  It is normally in those times that I am most at home in the woods…just at the edge of society.

Most people look forward to the weekend for sleeping late.  I don’t know what that is anymore.  I am most excited by the opportunity to disappear into the woods.  This morning, I woke Friz up before the light of dawn and he and I made our way away from the busy-ness of condo life.  As we rounded that last corner, I recognized a familiar figure.  He was sitting on one of the brick half columns at the edge of the woods.  His knees were up close to his chest and his arms were holding them.  His head was hidden in the nest created by his limbs.  His green cloak covered him completely.  He looked up at me when he heard the rustling of mine and Frisbee’s feet.

He was alone.  I looked for Calliope and then I saw the sadness in his eyes.  We knew she had some years on her…I don’t think he knew exactly how many.  They had gone to sleep together one night, but only one woke up the next morning.  His consolation was knowing that spirit lives forever and that her energy would constantly swirl about him.  Still, that doesn’t make losing a friend any easier.  It was as if Friz sensed the vacancy in his heart.  He extended his feet up the column where the Green Wizard sat.  The Green Wizard shifted so that he could pick him up.  Friz and the Green Wizard nuzzled each other deeply.  Friz looked back at me as if saying, “Is it ok?  He really needs me now.”  I nodded to him and he went back to nuzzling this weathered, saddened young man.

The Green Wizard looked up at me and forced a smile as he tried to clear the giant lump in his throat.  He tried to choke out a sentence, but I stopped him.  I told him that the greatest thing about friends is that words aren’t always needed.  With those words, this tired, dirty, emotionally drained young man wrapped his arms around me.  He has spent his life truly living the life of the Cunning Man.  Always kept at arms length from society.  Walking…always walking….and now alone.

This morning the magick was simple.  It was two men and one blue chihuahua honoring the spirit of a faithful friend.

Blessed Be!

Mabon’s Entrance…Hearing the Whispers of the Wind

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This weekend has been wonderful!  Waking up to temperatures below 60 degrees…breezes dancing playfully through the leaves of the trees…watching the busy-ness of the squirrels, and hearing the crows lilting caws.  It amazes me…the way that the trees and greenery responds to the slightest change in atmosphere.  I have spent much time watching the leaves this weekend.  I have noticed that many are already beginning their color change.  They are shedding the strong green of summer for the vibrant oranges and reds and yellows of Fall.

When I got up yesterday morning, it was almost chilly outside.  I let the dogs do their quick morning potty and then I scooped Friz up inside my cloak with my backpack over my arm underneath it.  When I feel the beginnings of fall stirring, I am drawn more to the trees and flora and fauna of the woods.  We made our way to that all too familiar place and settled down among the leaves.  I set up my mini altar and laughed as I watched Friz dig himself out a nest.  Such a frenzy for a little squirt….leaves and dirt flying everywhere.  We got comfortable and I lit the candles. The soft breeze was calling to me from the tops of the trees.  I could hear it making its way downward to commune with me.  I love watching Friz when a breeze comes up….he lifts his head into it, opens his nostrils and inhales as much of the energy of the air as he can.  His eyes become dream-like and he is stock-still, if only for a minute.

I should have guessed that we would be visited by a little calico kitten.  I think she has fallen in love with Friz.  I have gotten used to hearing her scamper through the leaves in the woods….an energetic little critter…only to become ragdoll-like when picked up.  While we relax in the comfort of the woods, she comes up to me and says her ‘hello’s’…rubbing against my knees and hands and anything else she can get to and then going to Friz and lying down on top of him….I hear him snort at first and then he realizes that she is not going anywhere and I hear a ‘humph’ come out of him before he lies his head back down.

I close my own eyes and raise my head to the breeze, listening to the secrets that the wind can tell me…secrets that are so much older than I am…secrets as old as those ancients who have gone on before.  I feel that I have become so much more familiar with the elements around me.  It is almost as if my ancestor’s are showing themselves more through me.  I am learning to recognize an approaching storm by the feel of the breeze, I am learning to feel the heartbeat of the earth underneath me and learning how to listen to that heartbeat and access it in my own spirit.  I am becoming closer to the fur and feather people.  Their voices resonate inside of me more every day.  I am no longer who I was when I started my journey….no longer the child I was when I started walking the path.

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I am learning to recognize the voices in my own spirit…..see the changes that are happening in it.  Wolf and Crow are no longer just familiars….they are a part of me.  I am finding as I grow older that I care less and less about what people think of me and am more concerned with who I am becoming.  As long as I listen to the spirit inside of me and the heartbeat of the earth, then I will become all that I am supposed to be.  As long as I walk in integrity, honesty and love, then I am a reflection of the Lord and Lady.  I fail so miserably at times…but that is ok.  I am not going to beat myself up for my own frailties, just as I shouldn’t attack someone else for theirs.  Yes.  I follow the path of the Morrigan….but I also follow the path of many other gods and goddesses.  I am not just one ingredient in this recipe of life….I am the whole freaking cake.  The cake is just as much a part of the banquet as the main course.

As we finished our time yesterday, I thanked the elements and spirits and Lord and Lady for all that was imparted to me.  I feel honored to be trusted with the secrets that they have shared with those before me.  We walk out of the woods and pass by the condo that Beatrice (the calico) lives in.  Her mom is standing there beaming.  “She sure does love you and that little dog.”  “Well, we sure do love her too.”  Friz and I head to our place and lie down on the sofa and drift off to sleep quickly.

We wake up slowly and I look out the window at the large tree in front of the condo.  Even the demeanor of the trees and plants and grass is changing.  The trees, who seem to stand strong and sturdy with the summertime breezes, are now bending more and whispering among themselves more with the Autumn winds approaching.  Last night, we were invited by friends to have dinner out on their balcony.  As we settled into chairs, with wine in hand to toast our friendship, we each commented on the smell and crispness of the air.  We laughed as the breezes tousled the hair of each diner…..well, except me.  They all know that I am a witch and know that during our vacation next weekend that one of the Sabbats fall on Saturday.  They asked me to tell them a bit about it, so I told them what Mabon is and what it represents.2013-09-15 12.25.50

I explained that Mabon was the Autumn Equinox…the time of year when day and night are equal.  I told them that this was the time when the goddess went from mother to crone and explained her coming death and rebirth.  I talked to them about how my birthday, Lammas, was the first harvest and that Mabon was the second harvest and that this time of year was when the veil started to thin between the worlds.  I explained to them that the meal I would be preparing for the Mabon feast (a low country boil) would incorporate the gifts of the ocean (shellfish) and also the bounty of the harvest (onions, potatoes) and even the significance of the apple dumplings that we would have for dessert that night.  I told them of my time that I would be spending at the ocean in ritual and reflection.  I invited them to join me (as long as they were respectful and open to whatever may come).  As I looked around the table at each one sipping their wine, I saw dream-like smiles playing across their faces.  More than one asked if they could be a part of the celebration and ritual.  Last night, as I drifted off to sleep,  my brain was inundated with visions of the ocean….peaceful dreams that will carry me through this week.  I have goals that I have set for myself in this change of seasons.  I am excited to watch them unfold in front of me.

It excites me to know that I carry on the workings of those who lived centuries ago…those who held the Craft just as dear to themselves as I do.  Those who walked their own path….oblivious to what others thought of them, but always aware of the needs in front of them.  The things I hunger to see flow forth from me and even out of my fingertips, I can barely comprehend.

Blessed Be!

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Shine On, Shine On Harvest Moon…..

Last night was a beautiful night. I started the evening doing all of those required partner things that one finds oneself doing in a relationship. I was ecstatic about the view of the moon I had. It was cloudy and hazy, but she was so bright, I could see her wherever I walked. I was so antsy. I wanted to hurry and get through the requirements (now don’t tell me I am the only one who has ever felt this way) just to get to spend some time under the moon.

When the evening was through and my partner was poured out in front of the bedroom television watching those recorded reality shows that he loves so much and the dogs and the roomie were all in bed…..I put on my clogs (not fashionable, but they get the job done) and I slipped out the door to the pond. I felt like I could breathe again. Sometimes it is really hard being a transplanted country boy in the city. I am used to acres of space, and sometimes living in the city makes me feel a little caged up. It seems, sometimes, that everywhere I look there are people within arms length. Now I am a very huggy, “not much personal space needed” type of guy, but sometimes I really just have to get out into the open and feel the breeze, the dirt, the water, the sun, the moon, and anything else not associated with people.

It felt a little different not having my little “witching” buddy with me. I am so used to Friz curling up in my lap in the morning hours, but he is one of those pups that does not like staying up past his bedtime. He will stand outside of the kennel when it is time to go to bed at night. He does love to sleep. I looked around to the edge of the trees and thought for a moment that I was going to be under the moonlight completely alone when I suddenly saw something slowly coming toward me. It was black and white cat. In my best Ollivander voice I laughed and said, “I wondered when I’d be seeing you, Mr. Potter.” Well, I thought it funny, but the cat didn’t seem amused.

I settled in under my old friend oak and I must have dozed off. I felt a cat tail rubbing against my face. I looked at my watch and saw that I had been out there for about an hour, so I figured I had better go get some sleep. I knew that a certain little blue chihuahua and his doxy sister would be waking me up bright and early this morning.

I thought a little about this…..we always charge our stones, crystals, tools out in the moonlight. Sometimes it is just ourselves that we need to charge. Just napping out there under that tree was so invigorating. Yes, it was hazy, but dear sweet Lady Luna was still able to reach through and pour her power over me. With those thoughts tickling through my brain, I bid black and white cat goodnight and assured him that I would be back in the morning with Friz and I plodded off to bed.

Bright and early this morning I heard those familiar little sniffs and grunts coming from the kennel. It is probably a good thing I can function on just a few hours sleep. My partner and I got up, got the pups and kits fed, then he and the doxy went back to bed while Friz and I made our way to the pond. I looked the sky over for my dear friend, Lady Luna. It was still hazy, but every so often she would come out from behind a cloud. She was so bright and it seemed as though I could reach out and touch her. I brought my wand and my cloak with me this morning for a little informal ritual. I wore my cloak out to the pond a couple of weeks ago….I didn’t think anything about it…until I heard one neighbor talking to another the next day. He was sure he had seen the grim reaper out by the pond and he swore he would never go in that direction again.

I settled in next to the oak and out of nowhere, my friend black and white cat appeared. I never even saw him come up. Friz was settled in my lap, so black and white cat figured that he would take his place beside him. Friz leaned over and licked him on the head and they snuggled in for the duration. From that position, I had to cast my circle and call on the directions and elements. The only way I can describe what happened next is to say it was like rocking back and forth in the most wonderful hammock you could find. A peace, a comfort came over the whole area. I began to sing out the names of friends and family that I know are in need. I watched as those needs floated effortlessly up to the moon. I listened as she whispered back into my ear.

We talked about autumn and everything it entails. Samhain, pumpkins, that wonderful briskness in the air that catches your breath in mid-stream. We talked about firelight and spirits and animals. Always we talk about the animals. I call on protection for those that don’t have homes and are hungry. I ask her to provide for those who aren’t provided for. I call on her for the needs of the wild ones who seem to be pushed farther and farther out of their own environments. I call on her for protection and healing in my own fur kids and the fur and feather kids of others I know. I am surprised by how many she continually brings to my remembrance….almost as if they are calling out, “Don’t forget me!” There is a donkey, and an old hound dog, cats that like to sleep in sinks, and cats that like to be in the midst of everything…I smile when I see them in my mind’s eye because I know the people with whom they are associated. She reminds me that I will be in the mountains again for Samhain. I will hold my supper out under the stars and the moon and tell granny that it is time to move on. As I close the circle and finish up, I feel the two little critters in my lap stirring. Yawns all around and black and white is gone in a flash. Friz and I slowly walk around the side of the pond and back up to the condo. He climbs up beside me and puts his belly out to rub. It’s as if he was saying, “I liked that. We need to do it again.”

Harvest moon shine down your light. Pour over us as we gather tonight. Your rays fill us with strength and power as we call upon you in this magickal hour. Dreams and visions for us to see. As I will so mote it be.

Blessed be, yáll!

Frazzled Witches

Today’s world is what I have come to call a 24/7 society. I remember as a child that most businesses closed by 6pm in the evening and only some were open on Saturday until 6pm or 7pm and nothing was open on Sunday. Then again, that was small town life in the Bible belt. It just seemed easier then to get some solitude.

If you look at the lives of the ancients, most of them lived away from the towns, either close to or in the woods and forests. I look at them now and I think of how smart they were—even though at that time it was done for survival reasons. Unfortunately, as witches today, most of us are thrown right into the midst of day to day jobs away from home. We are nurses, veterinary assistants, domestic engineers, factory workers, teachers….you name it, the list goes on.

I have found that I can compare my life to those of the ancients in certain ways. They worked from sun-up to sundown–whether in the fields or at jobs in the town they travelled to. They dealt with the constant stress of survival. Oh, so we don’t deal with that, huh? Looked at your checkbook in the last 24 hours? Wondered where money was going to come from for the power bill? Wondered just how few groceries you can get by on this week? And of course, how certain is that job that seems to be stressing you out? Survival.

The ancient witches and wisemen had to do their rituals in secret to avoid persecution. Some of us live our lives with a “Fuck it” mentality. “If they don’t like what I am doing, they don’t have to watch.” I tend to fall in that category. But there are still those of us who are in the broom closet. Everything comes in its own time. So there is still that “What if someone finds out I am a witch” thought that lingers over some. Again, stress.

We, as witches and energy workers, have got to take time today to recharge. Remember here, I have five fingers pointing back at myself. I have heard for years and years that you become like those people you spend the most time with. Think about that for a moment. If we spend more time just hanging out with our gods and goddesses—–who do we become like??

I find that in my frazzled times, it is important for me to call on the elements….but most importantly the element that I most identify with. When I need to recharge, I am most likely going to build a small fire in my cauldron (no matter how hot it is) and I will lie in the dirt close by it and just let goddess do whatever she needs to at that time. As a matter of fact, I will often speak out, “My dear lovely Lady, I am empty right now. I have nothing left of myself inside of me. Do what you will and what you need to do.” I will hold my wand close to my heart….the tip is aqua aura ( I understand that this stone is to bring out your inner beauty). I absorb the energy of the fire, the earth, the air, and I will also keep water with me to constantly drink as to bring that element into me.

On Lammas, which was also my birthday, I did a very heavy-duty ritual. I had been going through a very rough time myself and was just finally back to normal, so I decided to give back. I spent my time in circle, did my drawing down of the moon, did energy work for those that I knew were in need, and did my weather witching. I danced in celebration of the harvest. Just as I was about to close circle, I distinctly heard the voice of the goddess say to me, “This is just as good a time as any to go ahead and soak up a little extra energy.” I poured myself out onto the ground and I could feel her using the power of the moon to fill in the cracks and crevices that were left over from an exhausting week. I felt like I was positively glowing when I finished. Goddess gave me another gift that night. She gave me the first blossom on my moonflower plant. It glowed gloriously in the moonlight.

I went to bed that night revived. As I slept, I dreamed wonderful dreams. I dreamed that my partner and I were walking hand in hand in a cave where the walls were all aqua aura crystals. The floor was amethyst. We walked and smiled at each other as our fur-babies walked quietly in a circle around us. This was an important dream of healing. You see, he and I had some really rough times over the past couple of weeks. There were times that we wondered if we were still supposed to be together.

I had another dream that night. I dreamed about a wonderful friend of mine. I know that, he too, had been a bit frazzled. In that dream, I saw him as plain as day sitting in a creek-bed. He was doing magick. He had a beautiful blue stone with him. I felt the need to ask him the next morning if he had an affinity to any particular stone. He did mention aquamarine and amethyst, but later I got a text that told me that he had received a piece of pale blue celestite in the mail. He went to the creek to work some magick. It was a time of renewal for him.

I know when we don’t feel like ourselves, that those are the times we don’t really want to do anything. Those are the times that it is most important to spend time with the Lord and Lady. Those are the times the most can be done with you because you are empty, tired, undone. Those are the times that Magick truly can happen in the most wonderful ways!
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A Child of Lughnasadh–Harvesting the Seeds I Have Sown

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I was born on August 1.  I am very much a fire sign as you have read before.  August 1 happens to be the celebration of the first harvest.  The Lughnasadh festival is said to have been begun by the Celtic Sun God Lugh as a funeral feast and sporting competition in commemoration of his foster-mother, Tailtiu, who died of exhaustion after clearing the plains of Ireland for agriculture. This is the time for the harvest of the spring plantings and the harvest of the apples and grapes.  This is the beginning of the earth going into its winter sleep.  It is hard for many to see August as the beginning of Autumn, but  as Autumn begins, the Celtic Sun God enters his old age, but is not yet dead.

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I am very much a child of the harvest.  My birthday has always been a time of reflection for me—especially as I get……**gulp** older. Lughnasadh or Lammas has always been a “sow what you reap” time in my ritual.  Yes, I celebrate the coming of the abundance of what I have put out into the universe.  I think about the kindnesses that I have shown and been shown.  I think about all those great things that we like to envision ourselves as having done.  I also think about the things that could have been done better.  Have I given truth to those who have needed it?  Have I poured into those who were empty.  What types of seeds did I sow in my spring?

When I was in the pastorate of mainline churches, I was allowed to spend time with people in their final moments.  I watched as many began to spew forth the regrets that they had and hoped for some absolution before crossing over.  I also watched as some looked peacefully out into the universe and blissfully drifted into another area of existence.  I have always vowed that my life would have as few regrets as I could manage and that peace would be my escort into the summerlands…..therefore I use my birthday and Lammas to look back over the past year and then move forward toward the death of regrets. 

I look back at the springtime of the year and wonder to myself.  Have I planted seeds of joy, friendship, encouragement, healing?  What is it that I desire to harvest with the celebration of the first fruits?  I spent time slowly walking through the courtyard today looking at each plant deeply.  The wheel seems to be turning earlier than usual this year.  The plants began showing themselves in February instead of March or April.  The Magick I have poured into this courtyard this year……I have celebrated with friends….mourned the loss of loved ones….cried for healing for myself and others. The plants, the walls, the ground have all heard my deepest longings and happinesses and pains.  The fae who work that area know me intimately. The Sun God and the Moon Goddess know me by name.  I hear them whisper it often in the warm Summer breeze.

I know that soon the warm sweat that pours from my forehead as I work with the plants will soon be replaced by the clouds of chilled air that come from my mouth. As the Sun God and Moon Goddess prepare themselves for death, the remains of the legacy they leave behind are strongly evident.  It is that legacy that gives us hope for spring.  What legacy do I leave behind on a daily basis?  I look at myself in the mirror.  I am far from death, but then again we aren’t guarranteed anything.  What do I want to be remembered for?  I want to be known as a lover of people and animals.  I want to be known as a healer of spirits, hearts and minds.  I want to be a helper….a friend. 

I sit patiently in the courtyard watching for those seeds to sprout.  I feel the anticipation of the harvest.  Yes, I am impulsive.  Yes, I can be brash.  There is an old saying in the south, “I may not be where I want to be, but thank heavens, I ain’t where I once was.”  Each line on my face, each age spot on my hand represents a seed just waiting for the hope of sprouting and being harvested and used for its perfect purpose.  I stand ready.