The Guardian and Teacher of Magick

1654277_274588706032475_775056099_nThis has been a full weekend.  All Last week, I was confined to my desk at home because of a snow and ice storm.  We got mostly ice here.  It was definitely an adventure every time I would take the dogs out to pee.  You see, I am not particularly graceful when it comes to winter weather….that is why I live in the south.  Even with the addition of Yaktrax (a gripping system that attaches to your shoes), I am still not graceful when winter weather hits. It doesn’t come from not being cautious…I move around like one of the hippos from Disney’s “Fantasia.”  I elected to stay inside by the heater.  I only fell once…the chihuahua always thinks I am playing and takes the opportunity to play trampoline on my more-than-bouncy belly that is pointed up in the air.

By the end of the week, cabin fever had set in and I was begging the elements to please give me weather that I could go out and explore in.  Yesterday, Saturday, was spent running errands and getting everything accomplished that I couldn’t do during the week.  It was also the day to take care of the animals regular needs….brushing, nail trims, baths…..all that wonderful stuff they hate and react to like a scene from “The Exorcist.  I am sure that because of the screams and screeches that come from the courtyard, our neighbors are sure we abuse them….needless to say, this is before they are even touched with the nail clippers.  I really do wish that there was a way to accomplish this magickally.  It’s always such a battle…..and of course, I am pouted at for the rest of the day.2014-01-29 21.44.31

My partner and I went out last night to celebrate Valentine’s Day at a local Italian restaurant.  After a lovely meal of pasta, wine, and cannoli…we drove back to the condo and took a short walk around the complex with Mama Moon smiling down on us the whole time.  I took this time to whisper blessings over us, our families and our friends.  Mama Moon was shining so brightly that it felt as though she was smiling down over us.tumblr_n0yphuLwD61rfxpjto1_400

Before bed last night, I applied some flying ointment to my temples and let myself drift off to that place that stays hidden between sleep and awake.  It is in that place that I was treated to a vision of a lush green forest.  In that forest were Wolf and Crow.  They were in a playful mood.  I watched and laughed as they played chase.  I sat down on the closest stump and watched as little sparkles of light glimmered around me.  I opened my arms and absorbed that energy.  I woke up this morning feeling like I had played and romped and ran all night long….but by now Friz had forgiven me for the travesties of yesterday and he was ready for a trek to the woods.

As we walked, I looked up because I heard a sound that isn’t a regular one among our winged friends here in the condo complex.  I knew the sound….I had heard it plenty coming from the fields back home growing up.  It was the sound of a hawk hunting for its morning meal.  That sound of ‘screeee, screeee’ is unmistakable.  I have heard way too many stories of small dogs being the target of the birds, so I picked up Friz and hid him under my cloak.  It was only moments later that I heard an even more familiar sound.  It was the sound of the crow…..but this sound came in symphony….not just one crow.  I looked up and saw many many crows criss-crossing in front of the hawk.  They weren’t making happy sounds…more of an aggravated announcement that the intruder was not welcome.  All I have to say is that Friz better be glad that Mama Crow has got his back.

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I remember from the teachings of my grandmother that crows are the messenger from the spiritual realm and that Crow is the guardian of magick and that Wolf is the teacher of the magick (or medicine).  As I walked toward the woods, I could feel something stirring inside of me.  It is that feeling that you have when you don’t really know whether to laugh or to cry.  It is neither a bad or a good feeling, but a feeling where you feel like you are at an in-between place.

As I sit down in the leaf strewn floor of the woods and place everything in its place on my earth-made altar, I am overtaken with feelings as I hold the skulls of Wolf and Crow and place them on top of the leaves.  My mind unites with my spirit and I am transported to that place between sleep and awake again.  I see Crow and Wolf play-chasing and dancing through that glimmering forest.  It becomes evident to me that the glimmering light is the magick which Crow has brought to me.  Sitting there with my arms outspread was me absorbing that magick which was taught and embedded into my spirit by Wolf.

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As I sit there with my eyes closed, I reach out my hand.  It is as if I can cup it and feel the magick filling it.  I feel the warmth of that magick as it radiates against my cheek.  As I sit there in the midst of the vision of magick, I feel the warmth of springtime radiating through me.  Though the air was brisk, this morning…there was a warmth surrounding me that welled up from the earth to my body.  In what seemed like one big raw emotion, I felt joy and hope and fear and anger.  I felt fear….that what we may doing to the Earth Mother may be irreparable.  I felt anger….that we had stripped her and raped her and left parts of her exposed and dying.  I felt hope….knowing that she has lasted longer than any human…that she was constantly changing and adapting and creating.  I felt joy….that she is thriving, moving, breathing, and that she is more knowledgeable and magickal than anything we could ever hope for.  tumblr_mx1brrspKL1rwcfrqo1_500

I called to Crow and Wolf.  I asked Mama Crow, if she saw me worthy, to continue to bring the magick to me….to continue to change me.  I asked Wolf to continue to teach me…show me how I may affect change around me.  In that moment,  quiet overtook those woods.  I listened closely and once again, I could hear a beat.  This time it wasn’t just the heartbeat of the Earth Mother alone…but mine alongside hers…beating in harmony.

Blessed Be!

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Wielding the Sword….

Wizard Sword

 

It seems as though some weeks are more challenging than others.  We all have to realize that life in itself is a challenge.  As we move through this plane of existence, we see that day after day, week after week…there are ups and downs.  Over this past week….it seems as though I have fought one uphill battle after another.  Between dealing with clients who seemed to want to fist-fight at work to petty little arguments with my partner to stupid neighbors acting like jackasses….just seemed like one battle after the next.

I had to make sure to take time away from everything this week, but with the rain and chill in the air, it seemed that I was going to have to learn to swim to the pond and float into the woods.  I made myself go, though, and pressed harder into the world of magick than I think I have ever pressed.  I found myself needing to separate from those things that were causing me the most stress.  My blood pressure was going up like a hot air balloon.  Each time it peaked, I could feel the blood vessels dancing in my face;  I could feel the change of pressure in my eyes.

On Tuesday night, I decided to visit the courtyard….while it was pleasant and cool-ish, it just wasn’t far enough away from the issues and pressures at hand.  I needed to go deeper.  I walked out to the edge of the pond….I stared at the water with my eyes glazed over with the memories of issues of the past couple of days…..not big enough to be a crisis, but big enough to distract me.  I breathed slowly in and out….releasing the stresses….receiving in cool, cleansing air.  I walked quietly back to the condo, changed into my pajama pants and had a very restless nights sleep.

I woke up Wednesday morning dragging and grumpy.  When I got to work, it was crisis after crisis after crisis….that nobody would deal with except me.  I finished out the day completely exhausted.  Of course, there was the glorious Atlanta rush hour traffic to contend with on the way home….and to be honest, quite a few folks get a case of the stupids when they drive in the rain.  I walked in the front door and started taking off my scrubs….it is kind of like a snake shedding the old skin.  I love the freedom I feel as I let the dirt of the day fall away from me.  I felt as though I had been battling all day.  I compared it to what a medieval warrior must have felt like after using his sword all day….my arms hurt, my back hurt, my legs hurt….I was one big ache.  Battles are not for wusses.

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Once I put on civilized clothing, including my cloak, I waded down to the woods.  It was just cool enough to stir feelings of Fall’s approach inside of me.  I took a garbage bag and a blanket with me….at least my behind wouldn’t end up completely soggy.  In my backpack were my normal outdoor altar tools…candles, matches, a skull or two, and a wonderful new amulet I just got from Sarah Anne Lawless.

I sat down on the blanket which was covering the trash bag and set everything out….by now it was just barely spitting rain so I was able to light my candles.  I breathed in and out slowly and purposefully.  I called on the directions…I called on the elements (water was there in full representation)…I called on the Lord and Lady.  I addressed the Morrigan….”One must get tired of wielding the sword so much.  No wonder they speak of being battle weary.”  I could feel something almost chuckling around me…..the leaves of the trees moving in the wind.  I felt it deep in my spirit.  “Meditate on what you are leaving behind when you fight.”  I delved deep into my own spirit.  I thought back on all the native american history I knew.  I thought back on medieval times.  A shield……why would you go out into battle without taking something to block what is coming against you?

It crept into my mind.  Sometimes you may not even need to strike with the sword if you block strongly with the shield…of all things to forget.  It should have been second nature for me to think of blocking an attack.  I closed my eyes and visualized a strong blue bubble of healing around me…then I encased that bubble with red for passion…I was determined that nothing was going to get through.  I lay down on the blanket and realized that by now everything was getting a bit soggy….including me.  I packed up and walked back to the house.  I changed into my pajama pants and made myself a cup of hot herbal tea (spiked with just a little bit of honey vodka)….pure heaven.  I slept heavy that night.

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When I got up on Thursday, I put the amulet around my neck.  I figured that not only had it been charged by Sarah, but it also had absorbed the magick from the night before in the woods.  I had no idea about what was waiting for me at work….a yellow-headed dragon…well, close enough.  One of our clients met me at the door regarding an issue that I had no control over whatsoever.  I did everything I could to accommodate her and when she left I thought it had been resolved.  She called back later that afternoon and told my manager that I was combative and degrading….thankfully, I had a shield….a co-worker had been standing there listening to everything.  It started to really dig into me…someone who didn’t even really know me would do something so vengeful and hateful.  I brewed on it for a few hours…..then I remembered, “She really doesn’t know me.  Why am I bothered by someone’s opinion who has no clue who I am.  She doesn’t live with me, she doesn’t spend time with me, she doesn’t talk to me on a daily basis.”  I could feel those shielding bubbles of protection kicking in.  At first, I wanted to take the sword and cut her just as she had done me….but then I realized that this was a battle that had no significance at all.  The sword wasn’t needed…..this time, only the shield.

Since that episode, I have been throwing myself into magickal workings.  It has rained non-stop, so I have been utilizing the water and air elements.  Healing has been strong on my list.  I have friends who have need of healing in body and spirit.  I want to see that healing manifested.  Tonight I will work with fire.  Fire represents passion and comfort to me….I have a few friends who have requested both.  I look forward to seeing what can be accomplished through the combination of energy.  I can already feel it swirling around me.

This morning, I saw something strange on the telephone pole above the parking lot.  I kept hearing Mama Crow cawing frantically and angrily.  I looked around trying to find her.  I then heard the “squee squee” of a hawk nearby.  I looked up to see Mama Crow absolutely tormenting that hawk.  I honestly would have never thought that a crow would take on a bird that much bigger.  She flew at, bit at and flailed at that hawk with something I have never, ever witnessed….and the hawk left.  I was dumbfounded.  I just stood there staring at Mama Crow up on that pole.  I could almost swear her breast was puffed out in pride.  It was then that I realized….in battle, it’s not size, strength, or even weapons….most of the time it is just pure tenacity.

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Blessed Be!

The Simpler Ways

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As I sit here writing this post tonight, it is really difficult believing that Yule is upon us…..Atlanta is not known for its winter-like conditions. Today was warm and pleasant out. Nothing would have led anyone to believe that winter was weaving its magick around us.

I spent the day at the mall with my partner Christmas shopping. He is not pagan, so we celebrate the holidays with many different traditions woven together. The mall during the holidays has got to be my least favorite place to be. Contrary to popular belief, people do not seem to get nicer….but you see impatient, rude, ill-behaved folks growling and spitting at the sales associates and each other. This is why I decided that, for myself, this year needed to take on simpler ways.

We put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving. This is a way for us to bring the outside in. We adorn the buffet and anything that doesn’t move in greenery. This year, we decided that the lights on the tree needed to be reminiscent of our childhood. We incorporated the large colored lights in amongst white lights into the decorations. The decorations essentially became anything that would reflect light. Each year I take the time to explain to those in our household that Winter Solstice and Yule are celebrations to welcome back the light into our homes and lives. As the tree glimmers against the darkness outside, it is such a magickal feeling telling the stories of the Oak King and the Holly King and the coming forth of the Horned One. With the emergence of the Horned One, comes the rebirth of the Sun.tree

This year, my promise to myself was to avoid getting so wrapped up in the doing, doing, doing and just to enjoy the moments around me. To embrace the “now,” so to speak. I have decided that the gifts that I give will be hand-made or activity gifts…..things that will get us out into nature.

One of the gifts that I will be giving my partner is a romantic couples horseback ride that ends in a pastoral setting with wine. For those friends closest to me in the Craft, I will be making amulets that carry Wolf energy and the energy of the Horned One. This year is about bringing nature and energies together to bless those I love. 379507_10150593745917656_631665278_nSanta, to me, represents all that is good in human nature. He reminds me that somewhere deep inside people is a desire to help and guide others. He encompasses those traits that I see in Lord and Lady, and reminds me that we need to take care of those who need it….especially the animals. This time of year is a time of commitment for the present and for the New Year for our household…..always making sure that we give to nature and to those beings in nature. The holidays are always for hanging suet and making sure that there is food and warmth for those that need it. The feral cats around here get boxes with blankets placed inside just outside the courtyard.

I guess the biggest promise I have made in this holiday season is to give more of me. I realize that this can sound a little egotistical….but what I mean is that I choose to be actively present with those I am around. This includes the elementals and the Lord and Lady and all the animal spirits. I got a wild lesson from the fae this weekend. I let myself get a bit too busy and I haven’t talked to them as much in the past month. On Friday night, my roommates keys disappeared. We tore the house apart. They were nowhere to be found. We looked in most places two and three times. A friend suggested it was the fae….it made me think. Another said that they were under a stack of mail…this made me wonder. Yesterday…late afternoon, he found his keys hidden under a stack of mail that we had looked under and through several times. So last night, late, I went and spent some time with the fae in the courtyard. I sang and listened as I heard the whispers in the breeze…watched the leaves rustle.

As we get closer to Yule, I tap deep into myself…..I pull on the energies of those who move deep inside my spirit. The wolf, who is a path finder, a bringer of new ideas returning to the people to deliver teachings and to allow us to learn and participate in knowing our heritage and spiritual path, sharing good medicine. There is Crow who is the keeper of magick and those things sacred and is the messenger. Hawk brings foresight and perspective. Last but not least is Owl…who is all seeing and holds wisdom.

These are the things I long to carry into the new year and wish that I could impart to you. I would love to take away the regret and hurts of the past and the anxiety and fear of the future and teach you to hold onto the magick that you have in your hands right now….in this moment. To show you the spirit of the Goddess in you. To walk hand in hand with the fae and the elements and to be able to dance with the moon.

When I lived on the farm, life was very basic. You did what was needed when it was needed. When I moved to the city, I was a bit overwhelmed. Stress was introduced. It takes work on a daily basis to reconnect with nature and elementals and animal spirits. I am learning, thanks to those mentioned and the hands of the Lord and Lady, to enjoy and be present with them. The gifts they have given me for Yule is teaching me to be….just be. It can be that simple.

Blessed Yule!379859_10150582335272656_1778153051_n

Finding Your Way Through the Dark

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I told you all in my last post about the dream I had where I ventured into the woods with Wolf and Crow (actually several birds in one). In that dream, I found myself inside a cottage or hovel deep into the woods. There was a fire in the fireplace and anything I could imagine for potion making.

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I have found myself using this place as my “happy place,” so to speak, this week. I don’t know if it is because this place came to me in a dream, but it has been extremely easy to just close my eyes and visualize myself next to the fire. I also found myself, when stress came into play, closing my eyes briefly….only to find myself standing at the table putting the ingredients together for the most powerful concoctions. This week taught me a lot about visualization and intent.

I found that I could put myself in a place that relaxed me and comforted me…just by closing my eyes for a moment and thinking about the place I longed for….I know that for many people this sounds like a form of escapism. I say bull crap. Sometimes the most magickal thing we can do is mentally remove ourselves from a situation to keep from choking the living shit out of someone. I found, at work, that it actually helped to diffuse the situation. I did not react to a negative behavior and therefore the person pitching the hissy-fit calmed down.

I love the place that I live. I have worked very hard to make it comfortable and inviting. To build an open but enveloping cottage-style experience from the moment you walk through the door to the moment you leave covered in cat hair. It is very evident that a witch lives here. My smaller cauldron is in the middle of my buffet and it is flanked on the left by my huge cauldron. The buffet is loaded down with crystal points and stones and different magickal items that friends have sent me. My gryphon statue stands regally to the right side next to my carved candlesticks. My big gold framed mirror (which I got for a steal at Goodwill) hangs proudly over the buffet. I love that mirror. It depicts pastoral scenes with stags and doe all through. I love the tribute that it pays to The Horned One. The antique lamp reflected from below pays tribute to my ancestors. I enjoy the fact that my living room alone is a call to the “witchy-ness” that lives within me.

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It is, however, wonderful to have a place that calls to me most every night when I lie down. As I drift off to sleep, I do my meditation and breathing work. I visualize where I want my dreams to take me…as I fade into the world of dreams, I find myself walking down that quiet forest path. Again, I have two friends at my side….Wolf and Crow (who sometimes decides she wants to be an owl or hawk….I think based on my needs at the time). We walk slowly down a makeshift path….we look into the trees above and all around…then we see it….the little vine and grass covered dwelling next to a pond. I can hear the whispers of the ancients as I reach for the door handle. A familiar voice whispers coursely into my ear, “It’s time.” I recognize it immediately. It is the voice of Hekate. I walk toward the hearth…the fire is already burning. This time there is a mirror hanging in the corner next to a bouquet of drying lavender. I look into the mirror and am completely shocked…..I am older…substantially older. My long white beard lays softly against my robe. The laugh lines are deeper than they have ever been….and I know that they are laugh lines….these are lines brought on by joy and happy times. I have started the potion making. Wolf lies down by the fire and Crow perches on the chair. Looking at them relaxes me. Wolf has eyes like that little blue chihuhua back home…they are so inquisitive. I always end up relaxing by the fire with Wolf asleep with his head on my knee and Crow asleep next to or on my shoulder. I always wake up at home in my own bed.

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Just as it was turning dark this evening, I took that little blue chihuahua for a walk in the woods. The dreams I have been having are so vivid that I find myself searching for that little cottage. In the distance, I know I hear Mama Crow. I turned to my right to see if wolf was beside me. It made me think…..”You know, I love being a witch!” Because of the spiritual path I chose, I have access to all the elements. They talk to me and I talk to them. I get to commune with some of the most fantastical animal spirits and familiars that one could ever imagine. I get to go places through visualization and astral travel that many people never get to experience. Hell, I even get to shape-shift on occasion.

As it got darker, a humid deep fog drifted in through those woods. It was magickal watching the light and dark play through the mists at the same time. Friz stuck his nose straight up in the air to take a deep whiff of what was happening. You could almost hear the fae singing softly. It’s funny, I have been going into those woods for a few weeks now and my biggest fear was getting lost. Who would have ever known that I would find myself waiting right there.

Blessed Be!

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

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The past couple of weeks has been a whirlwind for me.  I have been in the process of preparing for a charity show that I was performing in.  Everything else in my life took a backseat.  I mean everything.  I sang my way through life oblivious to everything else around me.  I was immersed in only this….obsessed with making sure all was done to the best of my ability.  I haven’t felt that type of energy since my days in the theater.  I look back, and honestly the past couple of weeks are a blur in my memory.  The only things that come to the front of my mind are the dreams I have had in that two week period.

I have always had vivid dreams….I dream in color and, most of the time, what I am dealing with in life manifests itself in my dreams.  My dreams of late have been unique, to say the least.  The most prominent dreams of the past couple of weeks involve me lost in the woods.  I am accompanied always by wolf and some bird, whether it be owl, or crow, or hawk.  In the dream, I end up at an earth covered, green cottage by water.  It has one door and one window.  Inside is everything that I could ever think of needing for potions and spells and all manner of sorcery.  Wolf watches me mindfully by the fire and the bird of the night perches on a chair or the table that I work on.  As I work on the magick in front of me, there is no question about what ingredient or word comes next.  I am going about everything I do with a fervor and a purpose.

In this dream, I see all manner of energy floating around me.  It seems to be there for the taking.  All I have to do is reach out.  Different colors represent different energies and I know which color is what.  Blue is for healing, green for growth, red for passion, yellow for happiness, orange for courage, and purple for knowledge…..I walk through the room trying to grasp some of each color of energy only for it to swirl out of reach.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Wolf.  The energy is coming to him. Each color encircles his head and he closes his eyes and inhales…..each one wisps into his nostrils and I watch as his eyes light up with the power of each color.  I look to the chair or table and notice that the same thing is happening with the bird.  I am working so hard and can’t even catch a smidgeon of the energy…..they do nothing, it seems, and it comes to them.  I sit down in a rocking chair beside the fireplace.  I am completely exhausted.  Wolf sits beside me and puts his head on my knee.  The bird sits on the chair top beside my head.  We all go to sleep.  I can feel the energy swirling in circles around me.  As I breathe deeply, I can feel each color of energy being inhaled.  I can feel them taking root inside.  I decide that I want to stay in this dwelling.  Everything I need as far as Magick is right there.  I get up and begin potion-making again….Wolf settles again in front of the fire and the bird flies toward the table…I wake up.

I realized looking back at this dream today, that it was mirroring everything that I have been dealing with over the past couple of weeks.  The bustle of life was evident….as was the premise of me “chasing my tail.”  It seems that over and over again this week that the thought of “animals having great empathic abilities” has bombarded me.  I have noticed that as my activity has gotten more fervent, that the animals in the house have become more anxious.  There have been no trips to the pond or the woods this week for me and Friz…only short trips outside to pee so that I could rush back into whatever was consuming me.  He stood at my feet begging me to sit down for just a moment….long enough for him to lie down on my lap and doze off.  It didn’t happen.

I have all this energy now that I don’t know what to do with.  The weight loss and change in habits have caused me to become fidgety with energy….not completely sure how to handle it.  I am feeling a call to meditation.  I need to slow down.  I need simplicity.  I need to find that dwelling place where I feel completely at ease.  I know where everything is, the right words, and I know what ingredients it takes….but I have forgotten the most important thing….the intent.  My intent is to be one with Lord and Lady….to take time and spend time in nature.  Last year at this time I gave a friend of mine some advice that I need to heed.  I told her to “put her hands in the dirt,”  to feel the earth energy, the grounding.  I have forgotten that I need grounding every day.  Animal energy is that of grounding….earth energy.  Wolf is a pathfinder and a teacher in many native traditions.  Wolf also teaches balance.  The crow is the “keeper of secrets or mysteries.” He brings transformation of the inner self. Hawk brings illumination of the past, present, and future. Owl brings vision of the situations at hand.

Even when I was too “busy” to see any of this while wide awake.  Goddess knew I needed to hear this message.  She sent messengers that she knew I would listen to and put me in surroundings where I would be open to hearing what she said.

Tonight before I wrote this, Friz and I went to the pond….we sat for a bit.  We also went to the woods.  We sat again.  I am learning slowly and surely that I am not a human doing….I am a human being.  Sometimes all that is required is to be.  The phrase is not “Blessed Do.”  It is in fact, “Blessed Be.”

If we could only take a lesson from our animal friends and familiars.  They live in the moment….not what is happening tomorrow….not what happened yesterday.  They envelop the energy around them as it happens….they don’t try to “catch it.”

My promise to myself this holiday season is simple:  Simplicity,  Live in the moment, and just Be.

Blessed Be!380798_10151538882172656_1102113718_n

Where Do I Fit?

This past weekend I had alot of time to think about things by the pond. The coolness in the weather seemed to call me outside more than normal. The wind was begging to play and the water was laughing as it was tickled by the breeze. It seems that I am called to the pond so much more lately. My courtyard used to be more my refuge, but it always seemed so ‘put together.’ I knew that my spirit was being summoned to something wilder…something that had not been tamed by the city.

I decided to wander out there today after work. It was a really stressful day and my blood pressure decided to bounce up and down like a yo-yo. I found myself getting angry at every stupid little comment and trying to separate myself from everything and everyone. Now was my chance. I went by myself today. I could feel my Lady of the Lake singing to me. I could feel Oak calling for me to nestle myself against his trunk (when I am lying against him, it is almost as if he is absorbing the negativity within me and pushing it deep underground with his roots).

My mind was going in a thousand different directions. I thought about the past. I thought about all the things I had been allowed to do in life. I was a singer, an actor, a clown, a minister, a counsellor, an artist, a boyfriend, a farmer…..it seemed to me like it had been too short a life for all those personalities to be wound up inside me.

I have always been a mutt of sorts. I have always used the old phrase “Jack of All Trades, Master of None.” It is one thing to be able to do alot of stuff, but if you don’t completely excel at those things, it can be dreadfully unfulfilling. There were only two things that ever felt completely natural to me…..being gay and being a witch. I felt like I excelled at both. In the church, I had always been taught ‘Father God’ but I always felt drawn to the Horned one and Mother Goddess.

I laughed out loud today as I remembered my days in the church. I was very much like Maria Von Trapp in The Sound of Music. It seemed that the other pastors I worked with were always singing, “How Do You Solve A Problem Like David.” I always had an unconventional approach to things. I loved to take the classes I taught out into nature to experience what I truly knew was Divine. I spent my lunches wandering through woods and creek beds. I never quite fit into the mold they had created for me.

And this is why I went to the pond today. I am feeling like I am not so much fitting anymore. I am caught inside the hamster wheel. Before the ooohs and aahhs start, my relationship is fine, my walk along the Path is fine, I am basically fine. There is just a puzzle piece loose somewhere.

I think the clearest when I am in nature. I can breathe again. I needed my time with the Horned One and Mother Goddess. I needed it to be me. Just me. I took my shoes off straight away and dug my toes into the dirt. I pushed my hands down into the grass just to feel that connection with the earth around me. I could hear the crows in the distance. My have I heard the crows lately…..and seen the crows…they have been everywhere. I have also been having more dreams about travel this week. I travel in my dreams by broom or by foot or just by puff of smoke.

This has also been a week when animals have been drawn to me more than ever. Dogs that I don’t know at the clinic are running up to me in a crowd of people. The clinic cats have been leaving gifts (goddess help me) on my desk. Today I was standing in the hall at work and I see this flash of white running toward me……it was a ferret who had escaped and ran at me and climbed me. Now you have to know that I am afraid of ferrets, rats, anything along that line. I am hyperventilating and he is having the best time. Everyone around me is laughing because they know of my fear.

Of course as I come to this revelation, it should not surprise me that at that moment there is a black and white cat winding itself around me. I don’t think I have ever heard him purring as loudly. I feel my brain starting to relax. Too many thoughts have been circling it. I smell the turn of the wheel as I sit there. I am delighted by having friends circled around me. I take my cue from them. I make myself laugh with the water. I make myself dance in the wind. I make myself calm and steady along with the Oak, and I breathed contentment like black and white cat.

I am far from depressed. Something has just been off. I find the best way to deal with that ‘off’ feeling is to put myself in the place that I fit best…..right in the midst of the Lord and Lady. While I am watching the world start to go dormant as the wheel turns, I am reminded that there are those times in us when we feel like a blank page. It is in those times that I must allow the Lord and Lady to write on those pages. I must also allow my elemental friends to do the same….it is important to pull on the personalities of Earth, Air, Water, and Fire.

I gather myself and bid black and white cat ‘Good Evening’ and give my offerings to the elements and head back to the condo. I go about my regular nightly duties. I empty the garbage and head to the dumpster with the bag. I open the door into the courtyard and look up….there is a hawk sitting on the brick of the courtyard fence. I fumbled for my camera and end up with a blurred picture of bricks. Immediately I think about the significance of the hawk. Hawk brings awareness and perspective ( Am I going through life blindly right now…going through the motions). He also brings insight and vision (Am I bottling my creativity? Is my self confidence waning a bit). He brings initiative and decisiveness (Am I procrastinating about something).

I can definitely see that the weeks ahead will bring many new thoughts and ponderings…..many days by the pond….culminating in a trip to the mountains of Asheville the first weekend of November. I see an adventure in the making.