I am pretty sure that most of Atlanta thinks I am crazy by now. Last night, I had gone to dinner with my roommate and as we are standing out in the parking lot of the restaurant, we see dark clouds gathering above us. The wind picks up and I can feel the beginnings of spritzing coming from the clouds. I stand there…my face pressing against the wind, begging it to pick me up and carry me. I put my arms out beside me and feel the electricity of the combination of the clouds, the lightning, and the air speaking volumes to my own spirit. It is in those moments that the witch in me calls to my besom with hopes of being lifted above the moon.
My roommate calls out to me to ‘make a run for it.’ He can see sheets of rain coming in the distance….I think it was more because he didn’t want the folks nearby to think I had completely lost my mind. When I finally walked into the restaurant, he is standing there laughing softly. He says, “Only you would think that in all that weather, that it would do what you told it to do.” I had to correct him….there are many more like me out there.
If you think about it, how many times are we told in our lifetimes that something must be done a certain way, or that we aren’t doing something correctly, or that we are foolish for even believing that magick exists? Who are they to tell us that we aren’t capable of holding lightning in our own fingers? I have come to find out that it is too easy to accept what others think about us than what we believe about ourselves.
This week, I had a short discussion with an extended family member regarding homophobia. In short, my partner and I were told to be glad that we live here and not in one of the ‘sand’ countries. I told her that, yes, we are glad to live here and that things are changing by leaps and bounds, but there is so much more to do. There are still very vivid memories in my mind of walking into school and being called, “Faggot.” There are equally strong memories of being beaten in the field behind the school for being a faggot (in their words). I remember going going home with black eyes and broken noses and many other injuries only to tell my mom and dad that some of us guys were playing football. I also remember the response that came from someone overhearing me talking to a friend about being a witch. I can remember watching the woman grip the cross around her neck like she was about to perform an exorcism and moving her children out of reach.
My life, my magick is all about choices that I make. I have come to realize that I am deeply contented with who I am. I love the fact that I count the elementals among my friends. I enjoy the fact that I can make magick spring from my fingertips. I am overjoyed by the fact that I can, if I so desire, hold lightning in my hands. What I can do is limited only by myself.
In another conversation with my roommate last night, he said to me, “Sometimes I think you envision yourself as Albus Dumbledore.” I looked him square in the eyes and said, “Oh no…that would limit me in so many ways. I am the Weathered Wiseman and I am capable of so much more.”
One area that has always come easily to me is visualization. I had to learn to do it early in my childhood to mentally take myself out of horrible physical situations. I guess that it why it is so easy for me to have relationship with my spirit guides….so easy to walk and talk with the fae…so easy to let animals speak to me. I also think that is why so many times…my dreams hold so much power. Many times when an issue isn’t coming to an ending in the finite world around me, I will go to sleep and watch as solutions unfold in my dream-life. I have had loved ones who have passed over come to me in my dreams…just to reassure me, calm me, or to just let me know that they are there.
What is my passion? I actually sat out in the rain in the woods this morning pondering that very question. That little blue chihuahua who has been my companion through so much was right there beside me (well, huddled up inside my cloak). Rain tends to wash away all the grossness that everyday tries to let cling to us.
What Is My Passion? My passion is to live a Magickal life. My passion is to live a life guided by the Sun and the Moon and the Earth and the Wind and Water and Fire. My passion is to hold close the teachings of those who have come and gone before me. My passion is to be sun-kissed, wind-burned, drenched and dirty. My passion is to be covered in hugs and kisses by the humans I love and to have my face and hands licked until it tickles. My passion is to look down at my shirt and laugh in wonder as to whose hair I just found stuck to me (is it a cat whisker? or dog fur?). I refuse to worry myself sick over what is right and wrong about what I practice. I still have something that is more than valuable: Instinct. The ancients didn’t have star charts and IPhones that told them that the moon was full in Aries.
My passion is to know myself better than anyone else knows me and to embrace every moment of life around me. It is not always going to be wonderful and beautiful…but it will always be what I choose to make of it.
So, finally, Where is my place? Wherever I am. My place is home….no matter where I may be. Two weeks ago, it was slow dancing with a straight man on a crowded dance floor in Florida. This morning, it was dancing in the rain and mud with a little blue chihuahua. Tonight, it will be dancing in front of my cauldron under the light of a full moon.