Dig A Little Deeper

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This time of year has always seemed to be a time of introspection for me.  The temperatures are cooling. The veil is thinning.  It is in this season that we can hear the whispers of those who have gone before.  It is in this season that emotions run raw for most people.  The cats and dogs are more sensitive than normal and so am I.

I told my roommate early last week, that I have been dreaming more about my partner who died lately.  He looks at me sternly and says, “Somebody has unfinished business…him or you.  The next time he comes to you, engage him.  Ask him what he needs.”  I told him that I would think about it.  He called me a chicken.  In certain areas of my life, I have lived on the premise of ‘leave well enough alone.’  He is gone.  I put him behind me years ago.  I don’t really have anything left of ‘us.’  I packed it up a few years before me and my current partner met.  The only things there are memories…or so I thought.

This week, I have dreamed about him every night.  In each dream, he stands…just looking at me with that same love in his eyes that I remember.  In each dream he looks a little sad.  Each dream ends the same way…he strokes the side of my head and kisses my forehead and leaves the same way he came.  By Friday night, I couldn’t bear any more.  I felt like I have been barely sleeping.  I have felt more like I have spent my sleeping hours walking between the worlds. My body feels haggard and worn out.

I have one friend who can feel my very soul.  There is no hiding from her.  She knows me as well as I know myself.  I know that when she texts me and asks how I am….I can almost see her roll her eyes when my answer is a short and sweet, “I’m ok.”  And yet she sends energy.  She knows me well enough to know that I need it…even when I think I am fine.

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Last night, I went to bed.  I could feel the restlessness already.  I drifted off and dreamed of a forest trail.  I walked slowly.  I looked around for something familiar.  Friz wasn’t there.  I looked toward the end of the path and there he stood….looking exactly as he did at his healthiest.  He smiled and reached out his hand for me to take it.  I could feel the warmth of his strong hand around mine.  I looked into his eyes…the eyes that I fell in love with more years ago than I could count.  I choked on words as I tried to talk.  He walked beside me in silence.  I looked into his eyes and asked him, “What do you need from me?”  He spoke one word, “Forgiveness.”  I remember the pain that shot through my heart in the dream.  I didn’t think I was holding onto anything anymore.  He whispered again, “Dig deeper.”

In the dream, I began to cry…deep heaving sobs.  Things flooded to my mind.  Memories of feeling deserted to finish raising my nieces by myself…memories of the financial struggles and having to deal with his family.  Memories of dealing with the hurt by myself with no one else to lean on.  I leaned into him as years of hurt poured out of me.

I awoke at 3:03 am with tears streaming down my face.  I managed a whisper, “I do forgive you.”  My partner stirred beside me and asked, “Are you ok, honey?”  I kissed him on his forehead and whispered to him, “I am now.”  I got out of bed and went into the living room.  I opened a blog that a friend of mine wrote earlier in the week.  It’s funny how things come full circle.  What was the blog about?  Forgiveness.  I have included the link below so that you can read it for yourself.

http://organizedhearthwitch.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/new-definitions-realizations/

So this morning early, I woke up a snoozing little blue chihuahua so that we could go to the woods.  He was so sleepy.  I am convinced that when I am restless, that he is just as restless.  I had to carry him the whole way.  He would look at me with one eye closed and yawn wide.  When we got to our clearing, I made myself comfortable among the fallen leaves.  Friz leaned in closely and finally crawled in between my legs and dozed off.  As I lit candles and placed the skulls, he barely moved.  I welcomed the directions, the elements, the Lord and Lady, and my spirit guides.  I had read a dear friend’s post on Facebook yesterday.  It was a stern warning for the seasons ahead:

We seem to have slammed….yes…head on slammed into the waning time…emotions are running amuk….be it retrograde…the dark season…a combo of things…but it’s not good for many. I’m going to be stern, and blunt…get a grip…a hard solid grip on yourself…and your emotions. NOW. Life is to be lived…it’s not always good..or fun..or fair….but it is a gift. And should be cherished. I’ve been called fluffy, a sunshine light worker, Pollyanna…a number of things…but I work so hard to balance the negative of everyday life….I know the aftermath of death….I see it. You can fall into the abyss of darkness so easily. When the walls between the worlds are thin….when darkness creeps in…when the earth prepares to sleep…many of us slither into depression, despair…get lost in the mists and choose to stay there. The Morrigan I follow fights for life….rises up to the challenges of everyday stress….she battles hopelessness and darkness with a sword so bright it will blind you….and you can follow her into the light…you rise up and face that great void…you cross…and you raise your sword and shield in victory! DO NOT give up…no matter how much darkness is around you…the sun rises, there is light everyday….see your way out and greet it! BB

 

This morning needed to be a celebration….a celebration of my life and who I have become.  It needed to be a morning of joy. I began to sing from deep in my spirit.  I could see Mama Crow and Wolf moving rhythmically to the sounds coming from me.  Almost as if on cue, that little blue chihuahua flopped onto his back in my lap with his belly in the air.  He squirmed at me which is his signal for me to rub him.  I laughed out loud.  I find that laughter can be powerful magick.

In this season of the waning time, as we walk some days with darkness only two steps behind.  As those who have gone on pass through once again, it is important for us to dig deep into our spirits and remember and hold to that joy that may be buried to sustain us.  This is the time for laughter to overtake us…the time to dance.  It is in this season that the earth’s heartbeat may grow a bit faint…but mine is strong and mine powerful….and when I think about the witches and fur people who have been placed around me….my heart leaps.  My voice carries through the night sky as I lean my head back and dance.  I am a witch…I am a witch.  There is magick yet to be done.

Blessed Be!

Let Freedom Ring

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This week has been a challenging one.  It seems that I have put on my counselor’s hat most every day.  Everyone I have talked to seems to be bound up…bound up by things that they can’t control.  It is like I have watched as people wrap themselves tighter and tighter in issues that they have either created or have let into the cracks of their lives and irritation resulted.

I talked to one woman who was consumed by jealousy.  When I asked her what her husband had done to build such jealousy and distrust in her, she answered that he had done nothing….that it was just the way she was.  She searched through his phone when he wasn’t looking, she followed him constantly (only to see him go exactly where he told her he was going), she questioned him and needled him every waking moment.  He had simply told her that he was tired.  She was so tightly wrapped up in her own mind, that she didn’t realize that she was exhausting the relationship.

A male friend I talked to this week, could do nothing but mourn the loss of a relationship that he had seven years ago.  He blamed all of his inadequacies on this person deserting him seven years ago and how this other person was ‘his heart.’  He kept going on about how I could never understand that kind of loss in my life. (Honestly, at this point, my eyes had rolled back into the back of my head in an ‘oh please’ type of reaction.)  No, I doubt that I could understand losing someone…never mind that I had dealt with the loss of a partner to AIDS.  As I sat there listening to him tell me how painful every day still was, I wondered why it was easier for him to wind himself up in the turmoil that he had created and not live his life a little more carefree.

As I listened more than talked this week…I think I realized something about people, in general.  People are afraid.  People are afraid that, without drama in their lives, they will be overlooked.  They are afraid that they will just blend in with everyone else.  As I talked to the jealous wife, I realized that her value didn’t come from her family or her relationship. It didn’t even come from who she was.  It came from being able to weave the tales of his betrayal…to be able to earn sympathy for something that her husband had given her no reason to believe.  When she told me that he hadn’t done anything and that jealousy was just a part of her nature…it told me all I needed.  Her nature was the damaged part of the relationship.

My male friend, even as he spoke about living with his heartbreak….in that same breath asked me why I don’t have any photos of Jim.  I told him that it wouldn’t be fair to my current partner and that was a part of life that was finished. There was no way that it could ever be what it was.  When I buried Jim,  I also had to bury that relationship.  I still carry the love and memories, but the love and memories don’t possess me.

Many may read this and feel that I am cold and heartless.  It isn’t that.  I just can’t imagine being bound by anything extra.  Life throws enough at you.  Why hold onto things that can make your life even crazier.  I have always been the type of person who believes that you live and you let live.  As long as you don’t hurt others or aren’t spewing vile…then I will peaceably live my life alongside of you.  Just like with my friend that is seven years out of a relationship….I asked him, “How often do you think he sits and thinks of you?”  Just like I asked the woman bound by jealousy, “Have you ever thought that if you let go of the jealousy that you could actually be with the love of your life, living your ‘Happily Ever After?”broken-chains

So many times, we concentrate on such tiny things….the things that rub like sandpaper.  If we were to just give a tug on those chains, we may just find that they are made out of paper.

My step-grandpa used to have cattle.  I watched as he trained an old bull not to tear down the fence.  My grandpa used an electric fence.  He would walk that bull up to that fence and right into it.  The bull would get shocked.  He did this many, many times until finally that old bull wouldn’t get anywhere near that fence.  While I don’t condone his methods, they were effective.  After that bull had it ingrained in his mind that the fence would shock him, my grandpa turned the electricity off to the fence.  In that bull’s mind though, that fence was still capable of shocking him if he went near it.

We have pretty much done the same thing.  We have confined ourselves based on past experiences.  The electricity has been off for years, but we don’t dare test it.  I guess I was always the stubborn child.  I would constantly go up to the fence, touching it to test it every time….not for fear of getting shocked, but in the hope that the next time I touched it, it would be powerless.

I have watched some witches become like Christian church.  I have always believed that whatever your path, faith is the primary part.  Faith puts feet to belief.  I can believe that the fence won’t shock me all I want, but until that moment I reach out and touch it, it is something only my brain has concocted.  The cunning men and women in the community were the ones that the townsfolk would come to for guidance, for magick, for something that everyday life couldn’t supply.  Isn’t it really time we lived up to that?

A friend of mine posted a photo today…I took it to heart.  Most might get offended, but it struck me as an epiphany.

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Blessed Be!

Slipping Through the Open Gate….or Taking Off the Harness and Living the Untamed Life

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Now y’all haven’t heard me talk about our little Bella much.  She is the “wild girl” in our little pack here.  I often let y’all in on Friz’s life and how much he tends to be like me in nature and all the warm fuzzy stuff that he does.  Well….truth be told, Bella is more like that part of me that not everyone gets to see.  She lives life for Bella and Bella alone.  If she wants it, she takes it.  If she wants out, she goes.  If you are in the place she wants to be….you move.  If Bella is a reincarnation of anyone from history, it would have been one of the Egyptian queens or one of those strong women that made history by being just a little naughty.

I love Bella to death…but she can be challenging at times.  She has to be watched like a hawk.  She is the dog that will eat something just because she wanted to know what it tastes like…whether it was edible or not.  Bella takes life by storm and lives every moment like a bat out of hell. 

All of this being said….we have to section the house off with baby gates.  It keeps Bella safe from Bella.  She is on a restricted diet, but one of her guilty pleasures is waiting for my partner to absent-mindedly leave the gate that has access to the cat food open.  So many times I have caught Bella slowly sneaking toward the opening and closer to the cat food…her mouth open in the anticipation of getting a tasty little forbidden morsel.  When she hears “Bella, NO!!” escape your lips, she looks up at you defiantly and in a huff she tromps away.  Bella is determined that it is not she who has been domesticated in this household….and that we are but her minions.  How dare we put restrictions on her life and tell her what she can and cannot do.Photo Oct 13, 6 23 03 PM (1)

So, with all that being said,  I decided to take Bella on an excursion this morning.  We went to the pond.  I put on her little pink fleece jacket….it was bitter cold out and the little lady does like her comfort.  Before I could even get her harness on, she bolted out the door at full force and then on out the gate.  Thankfully it was early, so there was no danger of cars pulling in and out.  As I went outside of the gate calling her name, I looked down to the side and there she sat, wagging her stubby little butt, staring up at me as if to ask, “What took you so long.”  Hmmmmm, this one is too smart for her own good.

I suited her up in her harness and we walked toward the pond.  Her ears were swaying back and forth as she did her little bounce walk.  You could see it in the way she walked…she was going on an adventure….with or without me.  When we got to the pond, I sat down under my friend Oak and started to relax into my routine.  Well, with Bella, there is no routine.  She goes at full tilt.  She wanted to be up and moving.  I decided to try a little experiment (I would not suggest doing this if you don’t know your dog beyond knowing.  I know, for a fact, that Bella will never go too far from me.  She may run, she may dart…but she will stop at a certain point.  This has been proven at the dog park.  She won’t let me get beyond a certain earshot or line of vision.)  I took the leash off of Bella’s harness.  She danced, she leapt, she ran in circles….and she explored.  She sniffed everything.  Every few minutes, she would check back in with me or bring me some odd thing that she had unearthed or pulled out of a patch of weeds.  I had to laugh as I watched this wild child at play.  Hurricane Bella was a force to be reckoned with. 

It made me think….how many times do I sit around and wait for somebody to leave the gate open, or for that matter, take off the harness of day-to-day issues before I run around free of cares and all that burdens me.  I didn’t realize it until this morning, but food was a harness that was holding me back.  It wasn’t until I began my healthier lifestyle choices and watched the fat come off that I started feeling more energetic…that I was able to dance under the moon and not get winded.  I watched that little weiner dog do everything she could on impulse this morning.  I had to admit to myself that my life is too planned.  I can give you a schedule for everything I do….including rituals and playtime. 

I can see the gate opened….right there at the edge of my pasture.  I feel that it is time for me to make a run for it.  I know that right outside of it lies spontaneity and freedom.  It has seemed lately that my brain has felt way too cloudy.  Work hasn’t been hard or stressful for me…it has just been way too busy.  Homelife hasn’t been tense or out of control…it has just been too busy.  I have got to spend more time outside of that gate…unharnessed and ready to laugh and play and just be joyful.  I have all the elements around me that allow for that.  I have a wonderful partner….really great friends….incredible animals who encourage me every day to tap into that part of me that is just as wild as they can be. 

We tend to forget that life today can keep us scheduled to death.  Always doing something that is required of us.  Sometimes we just have to do something because we want to….just because it was birthed into us at the beginning of the age.

That gate is open.  You better run…..NOW!!

Blessed Be!

Do You Believe In Magick?

Today was a different kind of day for me.  I actually slept in.  Normally sleeping in for me is getting up at 7am with the dogs.  This morning, I got up, took the dogs out, went back to bed….and slept until 10am.  I know it was because I have been sick.  My body would be wide awake when the pups wake me and would not be able to go back to sleep.

When I finally woke up, I woke up with a strong, strange feeling.  I had an unspeakable joy rising up in me.  I felt as if my being a witch was the only thing that mattered in the world and the air around me positively shimmered.  I could feel the same type of energy coming from the cats and dogs.  I felt, honestly, that magickally, I could do anything.  There were no limits to the power inside me.  It isn’t that the symptoms of the sickness that I have been dealing with weren’t there….but it felt like it didn’t matter.  That I could overcome it…whether it be with spell or potion or whatever means of magick I could think of. 

My cat, Merlin, was in rare form.  He was particularly loveable this morning.  He curled up on my chest for a bit, purring louder than I have ever heard.  I watched him as he pounced down and leapt into the air…playfully batting at nothing (of course, we all know that he was playing with the fae).  I looked on this sight and laughed out loud.  ” I do love magick!”  I felt it fly out of my mouth with the strength and grace of a dragon.  Nothing else allows for the intent that I muster to be turned into something tangible and useable.  Magick is about everything that I can muster from deep inside myself…..it is everything around me…..it is energies and elements and everything in between.harry potter I love magic

Of course, as these feelings overtook me….I felt the call of the woods.  I wanted, however, to go to the local ‘witchy store.’  I got a gift card for Christmas and it was burning a hole in my pocket. LOL!  When I got to the ‘witchy store,’ though, there was a group of young men who were putting out a lot of weird, odd energy.  I heard them discussing that, in their opinions, witchcraft was satanic.  I quietly corrected them and told them that I was a witch and that I didn’t believe in satan.  They laughed strangely and moved to the other side of the store.  I picked up the tarot deck that I had gone for and left.  Once inside my car, I felt the need to cleanse and ground.  I felt like I had been slimed.  My dear friend, Maluna, told me to ‘shake it off….that I was more powerful than that.’ 

I got home and put on my cloak and headed to the woods.  I needed that grounding…that wonderful feeling I had earlier.  As I got closer to the woods, I could feel the presence of the Lord and Lady walking with me.  I could feel the wildness of the woods beckoning.  My spirit animals were almost dancing in anticipation of my arrival.  I watched that little blue chihuahua get rambunctious and I just knew that he was playing with the spirit of wolf and crow.  He was doing the little bounce thing that he does when he is playing with his sister.  I settled into the dirt and I felt the shiver of cold run up my back.  It was bitterly cold out there, but warmly welcoming.  I had to feel the dirt under my feet….if I had thought about it, I would have worn my moccasins.  I took my shoes off and dug my toes down into the dirt…..oh, what a feeling!!  I could feel the elements of earth and air joining with water and fire as I absorbed their energy.  The coolness of the dirt on my toes reminded me how refreshing my chosen path can be. 

Magick is something that was born into me…it grows stronger every day.  It is a part of me and I am a part of it.  With magick comes joy….but a huge amount of power and responsibility.  It took a long time for me to get to where I am and to become who I am.  I look back and some of it was hard….but I wouldn’t change a thing.  I am at a point now where the joy and the thrill of magick are very much a part of me….and a bit of bad energy will not throw me again.  I just need to remind myself time and time again:  I am more powerful than that. 

Blessed Be!

Remembering How to Fly…

I got a hard wake up call last night. The roomie and I were walking through Target when this sweet looking little old lady stopped us. She said, “You are both two pretty big fellas. I don’t know that I would want to mess with either of you.” Then she pointed at me and said, “Especially you!” As we started away from her laughing, she turned to us and sweetly said, “Father and son?” She gestured toward me for the father comment. I am only three years older than the roomie. I really had to squelch the thought of wanting to bitch-slap an old lady in those few moments. Again, in those few moments, the roomie spoke some truth that was hard to hear. “You know, you do act older than you used to. You used to laugh alot more….you used to be alot more fun.” I walked away feeling like the one who was bitch-slapped.

Now, it is true that the different trials and tribulations that we tend to face as we age can, as the little saying that is out there goes, dull your sparkle. I just didn’t think my sparkle was so dull. This all made me think of a certain scene from the movie “Hook.” The kids were all sitting around the table trying to get an adult Peter Pan to remember how to use his imagination. One of the kids said out loud, “Awww, he’s forgotten how to play!” The kids then encourage Peter to use his imagination to conjure up a fanciful feast. After some word to word combat with one of the kids, what ensues is a huge imaginary food fight.

I can remember, as a child, swiping mama’s broom out of the utility room and running around the yard with it between my legs, laughing as loud as I could and screaming that I was flying. As adults, we forget to throw ourselves into things with complete reckless abandon. We forget how to be completely inappropriate. Children say whatever comes to mind. Children don’t care what they look like when they do things. Embarrassment is not something that is a part of our make-up. It is something that is learned. Fear is not a part of our make-up. It is also something that is reenforced as we mature. Think about this one long and hard…..If you have a fear of spiders, imagine what your life would be like if you never knew what a spider looked like or what it could do. Would you be afraid of it?

I watched the dogs playing tonight. They were completely lost in the ecstasy of chewing on each other and chasing each other and barking at the top of their voices. They didn’t care that they were making the cats nervous or that the neighbors might hear them. They were enjoying the reckless abandon of play. Adult humans forget how to play. We worry about our next paycheck or the next bill or whether our supervisor sees us as something expired past our “use by” date.

We are often so caught up in all the things around us that we can’t even muster a good belly laugh. When was the last time you laughed so hard you actually might have peed a little? Or when did you last abandon your dignity enough to climb on a see-saw in the middle of the playground?

A friend of mine was talking about all the things she was able to experience at a street festival today…..It brought back memories of another friend. This friend had a tumor on her pituitary gland when she was younger so it affected the way her brain “aged” so to speak. She was always asking me to go to fairs and festivals and all kinds of things that most adults are through with. I remember one night in particular at our county fair. There was a ride called the bullet. Now that night, not only had she stuffed me with every kind of carny food known to man, but she stuffed my rather substantial ass into “The Bullet.” I was wedged in so tight that I could barely breathe. The ride spun and slung and twisted and I could feel every ounce of that food churning. When the ride stopped, I realized I was stuck like a sausage inside of this metal tube. The guy manning the controls pulled and pushed and did all he could to get me loose, but it wasn’t happening. I was laughing and crying and screaming all in one breath. I finally resigned myself to the fact that they were going to have to call for the jaws of life to release me from my metal prison. I visualized the headlines of the local paper the next day and I screamed louder. All of a sudden something loosened and I poured out like melted butter in the dirt. I laid there laughing so hard that I forgot how embarrassed I was.

So this morning, I woke up in a real pissy mood. It stayed that way for most of the day. Finally at about 5 o’clock I had gotten damn tired of it. I went into the closet and dug out my fanciest besom. I took it into the courtyard, climbed on top of the yard sofa, and jumped and ran around the courtyard. I really didn’t give a double damn about who might have heard or seen me. I needed it. I needed to do something with complete reckless abandon. And I needed to laugh at myself doing it…..and I did.
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The Wild Man In the Woods

When I was back home last, I was able to sneak away and re-live some moments that were distinctly mine.  I disappeared for a few hours into my woods.  These woods were the woods of my childhood.  These were the woods where I first experienced the Fae.  Where I first heard the call of the wind and the earth.  These were the woods where I first communed with the water spirits and where I would sit at night and watch the fire, which I had built for warmth, dance around me unabashedly. This was where I learned to, at first, mimick that dance and later was the same place that dance took root in my spirit.  All of this reminds me of the scene in The Sound of Music when Maria was reprimanded for climbing the mountain outside the convent.  Mother Superior asked her what would happen if she had gotten lost.  “Oh, mother, I could never get lost up there, that’s my mountain, I was brought up on it,…It was the mountain that led me to you.”  I feel the same way about my woods.  They are the woods that brought me to Goddess.

When I visit home, it is very hard for me to get a minute to myself.  I have often hungered for time to visit my woods.  This time the visit would be filled with more Magick than I had ever experienced there.  As a child, we often fantasize about things Magickal.  We eventually dismiss them in our adulthood as something that could have never happened.  I visualized many things out there as a child…..I saw myself as Merlin of Camelot and the old pond out in the middle of the woods was, of course, the home of the Lady of the Lake.  The many critters that would scurry past became the dwarves and fairies and gnomes that I just knew were supposed to be a part of day to day life.  Oh if I had only known then……through the eyes of a child.  Children believe without seeing.  It is only in adulthood that we are told that we should see to believe.

As I said earlier, I was able to sneak out to these woods on a hot, muggy Saturday evening.  I laughed to think that most of the adults in the area were afraid of those old woods.  They were horrified that a wildcat might come after them….or what about an old coyote.  As I entered the edge of the woods, I could feel the years melt away from me. I could feel the Magick of my enchanted forest whirling and twirling around me.  Once again, I could hear the fae shuffling through the leaves around my feet.  I walked a little more gingerly…..couldn’t step on them.  I got into the center of the grove of oaks that I used to play around.  It was like seeing old friends.  I could hear the very breath of the trees as they welcomed me back.  Just like it is with our oldest friends, we picked up right where we left off.  I settled in against the largest tree and could feel the energy coursing through me. I began to call the beings around me….and should I have even been surprised….one of the biggest old crows settled into the tree across from me.  We both chatted and cackled and laughed…..back in the distance I could hear the brush of what I was sure was deer slowly but gracefully checking out this wierd human sitting in their midst.  At that moment, Cernunnos came to my mind.  I called on him and thanked him for the ability to be in his midst.  I remembered to bring out offerings for the fae and for the God and Goddess of the forest.  Such a peaceful time.

Suddenly, though, I felt the Wild Man stirring up inside of me.  Thankfully those woods are isolated….but then again, I really didn’t care whether or not I scared the neighbors.  I jumped up and stripped off every stitch of clothing I had on and made a running jump for that pond out in the middle of those trees.  It is probably a good thing I don’t scare easily because when I jumped in, I scared something out of the water…..still can’t tell you what it was…it moved really fast.  So here is a 46 year old man splashing in this pond like some kind of crazy person.  I was laughing and giggling like I was 7 again.  It really was such a wonderful time.  I stayed in that water until I started to prune up real good…..felt so good on that muggy evening.  I am sure the Lady of the Lake was ready for me to go by then.  I trodded up the bank and back to my oak tree.  I found some rocks and built a little circular pit….got me some sticks and leaves and thankfully had taken a box of mama’s kitchen matches.  I built me a small fire to dry myself out.  I watched those flames dance and move and enjoy themselves that it just got the best of me.   I got up and started dancing with them!  Then the thought popped into my head what I must look like…..an old, fat, hairy nekkid man dancing in the twilight by a fire.  I got tickled and started to laugh out loud…..then it hit me…..I am doing the exact same thing the ancients used to do.  I was doing nothing more or nothing less than enjoying the world around me which had been created by the loving hands of a Wild Horned God and Powerful Goddess.  In that moment, my heart connected with all the witches and sorcerers and wise men who had ever existed and I could feel that power rising.  I could feel that energy breathing all around me.  At that moment, I felt as if I was flying into the branches of my friend the oak tree.  It was a moment that I never wanted to forget…..just me, those woods, the fae, the wildlife, and the God and Goddess.

At the end of my time in those wonderful woods, I got dressed and thanked the elements and the Lord and Lady, and moved slowly back to the farm.  My heart, that night, constantly giggled and laughed in remembrance of all that had transpired.  In that moment, I think I realized….sometimes you just have to say what the hell, strip down and go running nekkid in the woods. 

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I Love To Laugh….

Uncle Albert: There is a way. And frankly, I don’t like to think of it, because you have to think of something sad.
Mary Poppins: Then do get on with it, please.
Uncle Albert: Let me see… I have the very thing: Yesterday, when the lady next door answered the door, there was a man there, and the man said to the lady, “I’m terribly sorry, I just ran over your cat.”
[Jane and Michael descend from being up in the air]
Jane: Oh, that is sad.
Michael: The poor cat.
Uncle Albert: And the man said, “I’d like to replace your cat.” And the lady said, “That’s all right with me, but how are you with catching mice?”

Today, I have not felt like laughing.  To be honest….I haven’t really even felt like smiling.  I have felt like I could possibly be the biggest uber-bitch created today.  I don’t know if it is related to planetary alignment or if I am just feeling a bit whacked out, but this is the time that I just have to try to make myself laugh. 

On days like today, it takes something completely stupid to make me laugh. That is why I posted the joke above.  It is completely absurd, but it made me giggle.  It is a day like today that I need The Three Stooges or The Golden Girls……or yes….Designing Women! 

I am adept at making other people laugh.  It was a gift bestowed on me at birth.  I often visualize my birth being similar to Aurora’s birth in Sleeping Beauty.  Upon my arrival, the three good fairies showed up.  The first said, “I shall bestow upon him the gift of homosexuality.  Therefore he shall always live his life with impeccable style and flavor.”  The second cleared her throat and said, “I shall bestow upon him devilish good looks and fabulous pheromones.  Men will never be able to resist him.”   The evil Maleficent flew in with a blaze of fire and her voice dripped with hatred.  “Now it’s time for my gift.  I bestow upon him the body of Paula Deen.  Wherever he goes, his backside will shake like a pound of butter and his stomach will be larger than a KFC family bucket.”  Then the third waved her magic wand above me and said, “I shall bestow upon him a really wicked sense of humor.  He shall need it to conquer all of lifes trials.” 

I have found that anything is bearable with a snicker or two and just a pound or two of butter.  Always remember, the pain can always be eased up when you grease up with a pat of butter….hmmm that might not be exactly what I meant, but you probably just snorted.  Didn’t  you?

Well, tonight’s post was primarily for me….I needed a chuckle or two.  Hope you enjoyed it as well.  And as always.. here’s sending you good witches from my kitchen to yours!