The Lost Boys

 

2013-06-13 11.04.28This week I have wanted time outside more than any other.  I know that most folk, when the weather starts to chill and the wind picks up, want to cuddle up inside with a blanket and hot cocoa.  It is with that briskness and bite in the air that I want to wander….I hunger for exploration and romping.  It is like that primal animal part of me kicks in and has to get outside.

I have done so much people watching in the past few days.  I have noticed that many people are afraid of themselves.  We have learned to hide behind facades in our lives.  I have watched many, this week, smile sweetly and feign pleasantries when it was so very evident that they wanted to scream and cry and run.  It has become second nature anymore for humankind to pretend that life isn’t there and that we don’t have to deal with anything…..after all, no one wants to hear it, right?

It seems, this week, that so many people have crossed my path….men particularly, who have become adept at blending into the background or becoming invisible.  I have met fellows who have taken a part of themselves….the part that doesn’t seem to fit with what society expects of them and bury them.  I mean, bury them deep….so deep that you might need a jackhammer and dynamite to unearth those pieces of themselves.

These men, I have found, have powerful magick.  Most of the time, as they grow in their abilities, they encounter some part of themselves that society has deemed inappropriate.   I know that in my own life, it was that very essence of my spirit that I have come to know as “Wolf.”  In many Native American traditions, wolf appears to you only when you have requested the tribe’s greatest teacher.  Wolf teaches you who you are and teaches you to develop strength and confidence so that you don’t have to constantly prove yourself.  Wolf brings forth the teacher in us and guards us fiercely. 2013-11-09 22.26.48

In my own life, fear of punishment for those things which “weren’t right or permissible” was what brought wolf energy into my life.  I was always told that it was wrong to be the way I am….you can use any scenario you want there….for being gay, for having certain ‘special’ abilities(talking to animals), or for just being ‘artsy,’ as my uncle called it.  When Wolf stepped in, he stepped in strongly and confidently and has been teaching me ever since how to live by my own inner guidance and not get stuck in the safety of a well-worn path.  Wolf teaches you to listen and communicate with the other animals through body language or that long soulful howl.

In my encounters with men from many different walks of life this week, Wolf has again stepped in strongly and confidently.  In my mind and with the help of a friend and ally,  I have formulated a name for these men….”The Lost Boys.”  With each of these men, spirit has been calling and calling hard.  They have been listening….and with each instance, they are being called to a truer existence.  Some have been called to abandon pre-existing ways of thinking about themselves and spirit.  Some have been called to leave hurt and distrustfulness behind.  Others have been called to abandon the cage of what society thinks and run toward the primal part of themselves that pulls its head back, opens its mouth and releases that roar that has been building inside their own spirit for years.

I have learned, over the years, that when it comes to releasing our inhibitions and opening our spirits to be guided….we can be our own worst enemies.  We go…..but we go kicking and screaming.  We walk the familiar paths with weapon in hand, ready to attack anything that doesn’t look familiar.  We forget that it is in leaving the familiar path that brings adventure.  I remember a quote by Rita Mae Brown. “Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”   That is what makes us the lost boys.  Men….even gay men, are notorious for not asking for directions.

In magick, we are given guides…whether it be ancestors, animals, angels or gods and goddesses.  Too much, we like to go it alone.  For some reason, we have come to think that makes us tougher, stronger, more powerful.  It is one thing to be solitary….it is completely different to become isolated.  Wolf travels in packs, but may not always stay with the pack.  Wolf likes loyalty, but also thrives on freedom.  Wolf does not follow a prescribed trail.  He weaves in and out of trees, moving on and off paths and trails and across long stretches of land.

It is in this season….the season when darkness begins, that if I listen closely, I can hear that strong heartbeat of the Earth Mother.  Some may hear it as drumming….music.  That heartbeat is calling to that part of my spirit that hears it strongly and clearly.  There is that primal part of me that connects with every part of the Earth Mother and the fur people and the feathered people and the finned people.  It is like the energy of the buck seeking out that female….that musky strong rutting energy that courses through each of us….that part of us that seeks out nourishment to store up until spring.  My spirit hungers for so much more than the mundane that I encounter each morning……I release myself….I let my spirit run.  I open myself to the teachings of the guides I was given.

You see, I never really was lost.  I was forging a new trail.  My nose was to the wind the whole time…I just never saw what was happening inside of me.  Now I know…..it was all about the magick.  I opened myself up to what my spirit hungered for….what I starved for, and there it stood…right in front of me.  I only had to reach out and take it.2013-11-10 00.14.01

 

Blessed Be!

Running Alongside Your Destiny

When cold winds are calling,
And the sky is clear and bright,
Misty mountains sing and beckon,
Lead me out into the light.

I will ride, I will fly,
Chase the wind and touch the sky,
I will fly,
Chase the wind and touch the sky.

Where dark woods hide secrets,
And mountains are fierce and bold,
Deep waters hold reflections,
Of times lost long ago.

I will hear their every story,
Take hold of my own dream,
Be as strong as the seas are stormy,
And proud as an eagle’s scream.

I will ride, I will fly,
Chase the wind and touch the sky,
I will fly,
Chase the wind and touch the sky.

And touch the sky.

Chase the wind, chase the wind.

Touch the sky

Today was the first day I have felt 100% since before Christmas.  I have been wheezing, sniffling, and snorting….forcing myself to do the things that I normally take pleasure in.  I have had to make myself go to the pond and to the woods.  I knew that going there would draw strength and healing into my body.  I have been forcing myself to work through the entire sickness, rarely taking time to rest.  Just when I would think I was back to normal….I was knocked on my ass again. 

Ever since I woke up this morning, I have been feeling the call of the outdoors.  It has felt as though the fae themselves have been calling me, beckoning for me to come out and play.  It was all I could do to sit still in my cubicle until 4pm.  My desk is right by a window, so I sat most of the day dreaming of being out in the sunshine and feeling the breeze against my face….even though it has been colder than I-don’t-know-what here.

When the clock hit 4, my body lurched from my desk.  I practically leapt at the door.  I jumped in my car and got home as quickly and safely as Atlanta traffic would allow.  I rushed into the condo, stripped out of my scrubs and put on my jeans, a sweatshirt and raced out the door.  I felt something welling up in me.  I haven’t run in years….haven’t been motivated to and haven’t felt the need.  As soon as I hit the sidewalk, I started to run.  This wasn’t a jog or a leisurely run….this was a hard, fast sprint.  I could feel all of the elements swirling around me.  I told a friend later that, if I had hair, it would have been blowing  in the wind.  I ran around the complex three times.  I could feel leaves and twigs crunching under my feet.  As I got to the gate of the courtyard after the third lap, I was breathing heavily, but I was completely exhiliarated and every circuit I had was popping.

I walked into the condo….gathered up my cloak, wand, and little blue chihuahua  and made my way to the pond.  Friz and I slowly circled the water.  Black and white cat has gotten to the point that he just joins us wherever we are.  He is rubbing against my legs and against Friz.  I inhale the moist air around the pond and we head toward the woods.  Like I said, it was like the fae were calling me to frolic with them.

As we entered the clearing, I felt the familiarity of my spirit friends…wolf and crow.  Energy was high today….it was as if there was an anticipation of something wonderful and powerful looming.  I have been saying that this year holds something big…..I can feel it deep in my bones.  I feel something life changing coming….something that will change me down to my very core.  I can smell it in the wind.

I have loved the Pixar movie “Brave” and have watched it many times since it came out on DVD.  I watch as a young Merida fights to be able to follow her own destiny.  She tests and tries everything around her to be able to live her own life.  Our destiny is just within reach.  So many of us, however, are afraid to open our eyes and see it.  I know, this year, my destiny is right in front of me…..I am ready to grasp it.  No more fear on this end.  I refuse to live my life sheltered away from the adventure that life brings.  I stand poised….ready to jump on the horse of destiny and ride wherever it takes me. 

I think about the past couple of years.  I have allowed people to trample me, cripple me emotionally, manipulate me….I am no one’s clay to sculpt but my own.  I am a masterpiece yet to be unveiled.  Most people would say that at 46 years old it is time to settle down and hibernate.  I say that it is a wonderful time for new beginnings.  Time to initiate wonderful changes.  My destiny has yet to be fulfilled.  I am looking forward to a fantastical ride!  I have wonderful travelling companions….Gods, Goddesses, fae, spirit animals, animal helpers, witches and all sorts of wonderful friends.

As Merida said at the end of Brave:

 There are those who say fate is something beyond our command.  That destiny is not our own, but I know better.  Our fate lives within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it.531902_538910342793421_951664636_n

Where Did ‘Once Upon A Time’ and ‘Happily Ever After’ Go?

Once upon a time, long ago in a land far away…….It is amazing where my brain takes me sometimes when it has the opportunity to slow down and just think. It goes to far away places with dragons and sword fights and castles.

Most people dont know one of my favorite indulgences. It isn’t candies or sweets or bucket loads of ice cream. I love to read fairy tales. I have a book of Grimm’s fairytales that I love to take with me whenever I have time to read. It accompanies me to the pond quite a lot. I am one who can, quite literally, lose myself in a book. When I am reading a story, whether it be one of the Grimm’s tales or “Harry Potter,” I am lost in that world.

As I sat by the pond this morning, I contemplated all the ‘Once Upon a Times’ and ‘Happily Ever Afters’ that I have read in my lifetime. I started to wonder about Snow White and her Prince Charming. In the time between ‘Once Upon a Time’ and ‘Happily Ever After’ did they have to clean up hairballs that the forest animals had left around the castle? Were the seven dwarves constantly under foot with non-stop whistling? And talk about mother-in-law issues……how many of us would be able to stand a mother-in-law who you just couldn’t trust when it came to fresh-baked apple pie? I told you….the places my mind can go can be quite scary sometimes.

Over the past few months, I have become quite addicted to the show, “Once Upon A Time” on ABC. I love the fact that the cast of characters have all been magickally transported to a small town in Maine named Storybrooke. For a while, magick did not exist there and no one remembered their past identities….and then magick was brought back to them. So here they were stuck in this world…knowing who they were and forced back into an unremarkable life.

Again, my brain was just reeling over all the possibilities and how this could apply to my life. I asked myself, “When did my ‘Once Upon A Time’ start?” Truth be told, it started the day I was born. My life is by no means a fairy tale. I haven’t been poisoned by apples, slept for 100 years, or even worn a glass slipper. I didn’t have a fairy godmother to get me ready for my proms in high school….and alas there were no castles.

My ‘Once Upon A Time’ starts in a small town in North Carolina and then the roads curve into the different adventures that my life has taken me through. My life is not one of heart-wrenching tragedy, but it is also not one of stupendous conquests and beanstalks.

One thing that I have learned in my years as a witch is that everything is about intent. If I desire adventure, then it is up to me to make that happen. If I sit on my broad part all day long and never try anything new then there is an issue. I have made a decision in the past two weeks to take an archery class. I have always wanted to do it…..and now my intent has matched my desire. Atlanta…..watch out for flying arrows!

If you think about it, the content between Snow White and Prince Charming’s ‘Once Upon A Time’ and ‘Happily Ever After’ was survival and to eventually have the life that they knew was out there somewhere. Ours is the same. Every day of our lives, we fight traffic ( that alone is Atlanta’s own Dragon), we work diligently at our jobs ( Hi Ho, Hi Ho), and we clean. If you are like me, you constantly have a broom in your hand.

Like Snow White, we have to find our safe place. Hers was the forest with the seven dwarves. Mine started out as my courtyard….then it became the pond. I was seeking a place of refuge where I could get away from the day to day world….from the responsibilities that seem to constantly bombard me. A place where magick once again exists in a strong way and nothing can make me forget who I am. Think about it. How many times during a day have you been so beat down and walked over that you forget the power that actually lies within you? How magickal do you feel in the midst of that 13 hour shift? How magickal do you feel wiping puke and hairballs out of the floor at 3am? How magickal do you feel before that first cup of coffee in the morning? It is important to remind yourself of who you are and what you are capable of.

I am not talking here about living forever in a fantasy. Goddess has given you power…..don’t forget to access that at all times. I realize that Prince Charming is not always 6’3 with shiny brown hair and perfect teeth. Sometimes he is 5’5 with glasses….but he is everything you ever dreamed of. Your trusty steed is a 2007 Toyota and the sharpest sword you will ever draw is a ballpoint pen, but you are still strong and powerful. You have within you more power than any evil queen dared to dream of. Stop looking in the mirror and seeing all the faults and blemishes. It is time to see yourself for who you are….you are a god. You are a goddess. You have a universe of power right there at your fingertips.

It is time to realize that ‘Happily Ever After’ is just around the corner. You have the ability to make it happen. Contentment is such a hard thing to realize. We are always so conscious anymore about ‘keeping up with the Joneses.’

I am not a rich man, but I am perfectly happy with what I have and who I am. I may not be able to afford too many luxuries, but I am able to make many of the things I need or buy cheap knockoffs. I think the key, for me, is that I have learned that I don’t need to compare myself to anyone. I am me. I am the most magickal me that I can possibly be. I have my courtyard, my pond, my herd of cats, a little blue chihuahua, a little black doxy, and my own Prince Charming. That, in itself, is a whole lot of magick.

As I thought of all these things, I felt a smile play across my face. That feeling is magick in its purest form….without ritual….without ceremony.

Think about the things that make you happiest……

Magickal Things Sometimes Happen Through the Most Mundane

Something has struck me quite odd this year.  Normally as fall starts to set in, I find myself preparing for nesting or hibernation mode.  This year has been quite different.  As the leaves begin to fall and the wind picks up noticeably and there is a crispness in the air that hasn’t been there for quite a while…..I find myself energized.  I find myself motivated.  I find myself……at peace.

A dear friend of mine said earlier this week, “Be careful what you ask for.  You just might get it.”  He had been talking to the Goddess about prospering his business….we all had done magick on his behalf.  He saw it come to fruition.  You all know that over the past month or two that there have been a few challenges trying to circle their way around me.  I was seeking out Goddess for motivation, health, calming.  Again, as my friend said….”Be careful what you ask for.” 

Magickal things sometimes happen through the most mundane.  It was through my own doctor that motivation began.  It was either get healthy or….well, let’s just say that he gave me a long list of ‘what if’s.’  So, I set the goal of getting healthy.  It has been almost a month now and it seems almost effortless…but then again, I have done non-stop motivation magick, and I know that many friends have done the same.  I also did something that I never do….I ordered an outfit that I want in an XLarge to help me see where I want to be.  Maybe frivolous, but I feel it will be effective.

I use a lot of music in my magick.  How was I to know that was the key to calm.  Normally, when I am doing spellwork, I will sing over the cauldron or the fire.  I let my music float into the universe to accomplish the spells intent.  One afternoon at work, I felt my stress levels start to rise.  Softly, under my breath, I started humming…..nothing identifiable..just lilting music.  I found myself being soothed, calmed within minutes.  What do you know…..music really does soothe the savage beast.

Yesterday at work, I was allowed something that alludes most.  A client brought in a baby owl that had flown into her glass doors.  You could tell by looking at it that it was an immature bird, but this beautiful creature was by no means small.  Apparently, I am the only one in the clinic that is not afraid of birds, so I held it for the examination.  It was very obviously dazed.  The doctor determined there was no damage done, but we needed to feed it and call our wildlife rehabilitator.  I ran to the supermarket across the street and bought raw hamburger.  With strong leather gloves on, I was able to handfeed this magickal animal.  It ate heartily and I placed it in a toweled kennel for safekeeping until the rehabilitator came.  It was in this moment with this strong and beautiful creature that I was shown a glimpse into myself.

How many walls and windows have I hit over the past year?  How many times have I walked around dazed because something had overwhelmed me?  How many times have I walked away unscathed by something that could have completely destroyed me?  Too many times for recollection.  It is in those times that I must nourish my spirit…..seek out those energies that will invest in me and heal those deepest parts.  I know that it was magick that brought me into contact with this creature of the night.

The crispness in the air in the mornings has been calling me to the pond more and more.  I am beginning to see worn ground against Oak.  It faintly resembles the shape of a large behind.  Last night, I felt the need to unplug and just be.  I said goodnight to my friends on Facebook, left my cellphone behind charging and took a book into the courtyard to read.  As I sat on the outside sofa, I could hear my name being whispered in the breeze.  I knew it was my ‘Lady of the Lake’ calling to me.  I left my book behind and leisurely walked to her.  Friz was already in bed, so I walked down by myself.

It was pretty chilly last night so I had on my lightweight fleece jacket.  This couldn’t have been more appealing to my herd of cats.  Yes, Black and White cat has started bringing friends along.  There is now a tan, brown, and white cat that looks like the ragdoll breed and a seal point himalayan.  The other two are more tame than Black and White cat.  They came right up to me….and of course everyone wanted to snuggle in the fleece. 

I sat out under the waxing moon.  It is the perfect moon for success and health and friendships.  I whispered the names of those friends who came to mind and blessed the Lord and Lady for the gift of renewed health.  I called on the gift of Cat Magick that I was blessed with.  A trilogy of magick curled up on me, built new anticipation in me.

This morning was just like any other Saturday morning.  I was walking Friz and he immediately headed to the pond.  I think his spirit yearns for it as much as mine.  We settled in and here comes the herd.  Friz didn’t quite know what to do with all this cat energy, but he quickly settled in.  We listened in the distance to the crows.  It was if each caw was telling some  glorious ancient wisdom.  I dozed off as usual and was awakened abruptly by a man shaking my arm vigorously.  There were no cats around me. Friz was standing at attention.  At first, I was perturbed that my solitude was broken, but the man began to speak.

He told me that he had seen me out by the pond many times.  He said that he had seen me in my ‘cape’ and had thought that I was the Grim Reaper.  He told me that he had seen me in the dark and wondered if I was a messenger of death.  He had been scared to come near the pond.  But this morning, he saw me from a distance and said that he felt like he needed to come up to me.  He asked if I was an angel.  I tried really hard to stifle a snort and told him that I was really far from that.  He told me that there was something different about me and asked if I had mojo.  I found out a bit later that he was originally from New Orleans.  I told him that I was a worker of magick.  He laughed out loud and told me that he just knew it.  He sat out there with me and Friz for the rest of our time…..he told as we left and he pumped my hand up and down, “You can throw some of that Mojo at me anytime you want.” I told him I would.

Who would have ever guessed that in the midst of my solitude that Magick would have tapped me on the shoulder?  It just goes to show that we have to be prepared for the Magickal things no matter where we are and what we are doing.  Sometimes those things that seem to be the most bothersome…..an interruption, so to speak…..can be the most magickal things experienced.

Blessed Be!