‘Tis You Who Hath Made Me Wicked……

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This week has been a challenging week, if nothing else. My partner had his ear surgery last week and instructions were given for him to take it easy. In our household, that comes to mean one thing….I take on every little chore and undertaking. Now, I am not complaining….it had to be done for his healing. The cat boxes needed to be scooped, the dogs had to be walked, the house had to be cleaned, laundry had to be done, the courtyard had to be maintained, meals had to be cooked….and of course I had to watch him like a hawk. This also happened to be a very hectic and busy week at work. So this week….let’s just say…..I am pooped.

Now I normally try to be as upbeat as possible around home and work. I feel like sometimes we are so bombarded with bad stuff that we need that someone who can make us laugh at the dumbest things. At work, I am always posting dumb little pictures just to build morale and instigate a giggle or two. When I am overtired, however, I can be the biggest grump you have ever seen. It doesn’t help that I am living life on decaf….which is essentially flavored water. At home, I try to be equally as jovial. I try to make light of situations just to keep my partner’s mind from circling small issues over and over again and turning them into mountains.

So, I am at work this week and trying to deal with some major issues, when one of the women I work with asked me something that she should know backward and forward. I snapped at her. This woman also happens to know that I am a witch….and as she is walking away from me, I hear her mutter under her breath, “Hmmmpfh, looks like Glinda is gone and the Wicked one has taken over!” It kind of took me by surprise. I know I sat there with shock on my face, but also, it made me angry.

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It seems like most of my life, I have been held to a different standard. My time in the ministry made me walk tightropes as far as behavior went. After all, the pastor is supposed to be loving, even-tempered, and long-suffering. Now, I have explained before that I am a complete fire sign….so to hold my temper all the time just ain’t gonna happen. In the church, I was always told that ‘righteous anger’ was ok. Well that is fine and good….but what about the ‘stupid people who could use smoting up-side the head’ anger?

I find the same standards in witchcraft. After all shouldn’t we hold ourselves to a higher standard? I also think that we shouldn’t be forced to stifle all that is natural in us. As a man who loves to embrace the wild part of myself, I would much rather snap as a warning to someone (the way the wolf or dog does) than let them put their hand right at my mouth and force a bite. With most of life, I have learned that sometimes growling a bit lets someone know that it is time to back away from me.snarling-wolf

Frisbee is very much mostly mild-mannered. When he feels threatened, his fur bristles, he growls, he bears his teeth. We have one neighbor that either out of ignorance or shall we call it ‘her own state of simple bliss’ doesn’t realize that these are warning signs a dog gives when you are invading his space. I have told her over and over and over to please not approach Friz by reaching at or over him….don’t make direct eye contact with him…..be as non-threatening as you can possibly be around him. She doesn’t listen. This week, I was walking Friz on my lunch…as I do everyday and this woman comes up to him. She proceeds to reach at him. I asked her to please step back and don’t touch him because he is feeling uneasy. He proceeds to growl…..as did I. She looks at me vacantly and says, “Oh all dogs like me….that’s just his way of being friendly.” So I tell her, “I work in a vet clinic and those are all the postures of a dog who is uneasy and feels threatened.” She continued to ignore me and reached toward Friz like Elmira from Tiny Toons…with Friz backing farther and farther away.tumblr_m9wqojaget1qisyigo1_500

Finally, I put myself between her and my dog and growled, “Back away from my dog or you won’t have to worry about him biting you….it will be me.” She said, “You don’t have to be mean!” I said, “I guess I do because you didn’t listen to me when I was trying to be nice.” It is sad that you can’t be firm, or give just a growl without someone looking at you as if your skin has turned green, your nose has grown crooked and sparks are flying from your fingers.

Now I wonder just how much we may have misjudged all those witches that we have come to think of as wicked over the years.

  1. The Wicked Witch of the West: So many accounts are out there now about how she became Wicked. There are suggestions of her being scorned by the Wizard. Maybe she was just having a bad day, but we labeled her “Wicked.”
  2. The Evil Queen from Snow White: Most of us have watched the episodes of “Once Upon A Time.” We have seen the hurts that Regina has been subjected to…only because she was never allowed to live the life she wanted.19b24eb7f81ed3e9ab5d24f6e63a89d1

I try very hard to be a gentleman, but when somebody pisses me off…..there can be hell to pay. I try to be kind with my words, but my tongue can cut you to shreds if you threaten me or any of my family….extended included. I would never use a spell to harm anyone, but I will pull out all the stops if you come at me. I have been told for so long that I should always keep the ‘negative’ emotions under wraps. I don’t really see any emotion as negative. If I let any emotion go to the ‘nth’ degree it can go haywire.

Am I wicked? Yeah, sometimes…..but I am also just as kind and gentle. It is not dependent on me…..but on you.

Blessed Be!

The Last To See….

Last night I watched an episode of “Once Upon A Time.”  This episode featured Ruby (Red Riding Hood) and the way she dealt with the fact that she turned into a wolf on the full moon.  She was more afraid of herself and the change that took place in her than anything else.  She was searching for anything that would help her to understand herself and what was going on.  The peculiar thing was that her friends could see her true self even in the midst of the transformation.  Some of the lines that stuck out in my mind are in  a conversation between Snow White and Red:

“My Mother wanted me to choose between being a wolf and being human. Granny did too. You are the only person who ever thought it was okay for me to be both.” – Ruby
“Cause that’s who you are.” – Snow White

Even Ruby could not accept who and what she was.  Somewhere in the midst of the change, she got lost in all the fur.  How many times do we do the same.  We anticipate this huge transformation in our lives and are disappointed when it is not the way we planned or foresaw it.

As you know, for the past couple of months, I have been in the midst of a “lifestyle” change.  I have been incredibly good.  I have planned out my splurges and done everything that the doctor has told me to do….but the problem is, when I look in the mirror, all I see are the bulges and dimples and creases and blobs of fat that are there.  Of course, everyone around me tells me that I look so good…it is so evident to them that I have lost weight.  One girl at work even told me that I looked ‘deflated.’  I, however, keep seeing the same me in the mirror.  I see the big, fat blob of a person staring back at me……until this morning. 

I looked into the mirror and staring back at me was a thinning face.  It was markedly thinner than I am sure it was the day before.  I could see my eyes shining out at myself….not the pushed together slits staring out from the doughy fat cheeks that they once did.  I could finally see what I had been working so hard for coming to fruition.   Even though the scales registered the transformation weekly….I had been oblivious to it…until I was ready to see it.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

I am reminded of a dear sweet young witch.  When I first got to know her, I remember her inquisitiveness, her uncertainty.  She was looking for guidance and second guessing herself a lot.  Though many of us around her could see all the possibilities and potential in her…I don’t believe she saw it.  I could see her in my mind’s eye standing out in the yard doing weather witching almost shaking from trying to get the energy to work. Frustrated, she would tell us of how she had tried and failed…..we, on the other hand, watched her trying and trying and then becoming.  This young witch became one of the most powerful hedge-, garden-, hearth-, solitary- witches I know.  While she saw failed attempts or questioned her motives and abilities, we saw the transformation into what she had in her all along.  She was stepping back and the Magick was allowed to step forward and take over.  She was becoming more and more like the Goddess because that was who she was spending time with.

I paid a visit to the pond today in the afternoon rain.  I have been begging for the cold weather to set in.  It was coolish, but still not as cold as I would like.  The blue chihuahua curled up on me as though he was freezing….as did the herd of cats led by black and white cat.  As I stared toward the water, I imagined all the things that had happened around it to make the pond what it is today.  I imagined the impatience of the Lady of the Lake as she waited for her home to take shape…the searching that mama crow did before settling on the telephone pole across the way to nest.  Everything needed to make it what it was to be was right there the whole time…..it was just waiting for it to take shape and then to recognize it.

I look at my own impatience….especially in matters of magick.  Everything needed to make the magick is right there.  It is just waiting on me to put the pieces together.  Once everything is in place….the magick flows and flows superbly!  It may not happen the way I think it should or manifest itself the way I think it should look, but it is there.  In no way was the voyage anything that I had expected…but the outcome was magickal.

What are you looking for?  As the new year begins, what is in you that needs to be recognized and nurtured?  Do you see a gift that is uniquely you… as a curse?  Another line comes to mind from “Once Upon A Time.”  It was when Belle was talking to Ruby:

“There’s good in there. If we can all see it, why can’t you?” – Belle

Blessed Be!

Where Did ‘Once Upon A Time’ and ‘Happily Ever After’ Go?

Once upon a time, long ago in a land far away…….It is amazing where my brain takes me sometimes when it has the opportunity to slow down and just think. It goes to far away places with dragons and sword fights and castles.

Most people dont know one of my favorite indulgences. It isn’t candies or sweets or bucket loads of ice cream. I love to read fairy tales. I have a book of Grimm’s fairytales that I love to take with me whenever I have time to read. It accompanies me to the pond quite a lot. I am one who can, quite literally, lose myself in a book. When I am reading a story, whether it be one of the Grimm’s tales or “Harry Potter,” I am lost in that world.

As I sat by the pond this morning, I contemplated all the ‘Once Upon a Times’ and ‘Happily Ever Afters’ that I have read in my lifetime. I started to wonder about Snow White and her Prince Charming. In the time between ‘Once Upon a Time’ and ‘Happily Ever After’ did they have to clean up hairballs that the forest animals had left around the castle? Were the seven dwarves constantly under foot with non-stop whistling? And talk about mother-in-law issues……how many of us would be able to stand a mother-in-law who you just couldn’t trust when it came to fresh-baked apple pie? I told you….the places my mind can go can be quite scary sometimes.

Over the past few months, I have become quite addicted to the show, “Once Upon A Time” on ABC. I love the fact that the cast of characters have all been magickally transported to a small town in Maine named Storybrooke. For a while, magick did not exist there and no one remembered their past identities….and then magick was brought back to them. So here they were stuck in this world…knowing who they were and forced back into an unremarkable life.

Again, my brain was just reeling over all the possibilities and how this could apply to my life. I asked myself, “When did my ‘Once Upon A Time’ start?” Truth be told, it started the day I was born. My life is by no means a fairy tale. I haven’t been poisoned by apples, slept for 100 years, or even worn a glass slipper. I didn’t have a fairy godmother to get me ready for my proms in high school….and alas there were no castles.

My ‘Once Upon A Time’ starts in a small town in North Carolina and then the roads curve into the different adventures that my life has taken me through. My life is not one of heart-wrenching tragedy, but it is also not one of stupendous conquests and beanstalks.

One thing that I have learned in my years as a witch is that everything is about intent. If I desire adventure, then it is up to me to make that happen. If I sit on my broad part all day long and never try anything new then there is an issue. I have made a decision in the past two weeks to take an archery class. I have always wanted to do it…..and now my intent has matched my desire. Atlanta…..watch out for flying arrows!

If you think about it, the content between Snow White and Prince Charming’s ‘Once Upon A Time’ and ‘Happily Ever After’ was survival and to eventually have the life that they knew was out there somewhere. Ours is the same. Every day of our lives, we fight traffic ( that alone is Atlanta’s own Dragon), we work diligently at our jobs ( Hi Ho, Hi Ho), and we clean. If you are like me, you constantly have a broom in your hand.

Like Snow White, we have to find our safe place. Hers was the forest with the seven dwarves. Mine started out as my courtyard….then it became the pond. I was seeking a place of refuge where I could get away from the day to day world….from the responsibilities that seem to constantly bombard me. A place where magick once again exists in a strong way and nothing can make me forget who I am. Think about it. How many times during a day have you been so beat down and walked over that you forget the power that actually lies within you? How magickal do you feel in the midst of that 13 hour shift? How magickal do you feel wiping puke and hairballs out of the floor at 3am? How magickal do you feel before that first cup of coffee in the morning? It is important to remind yourself of who you are and what you are capable of.

I am not talking here about living forever in a fantasy. Goddess has given you power…..don’t forget to access that at all times. I realize that Prince Charming is not always 6’3 with shiny brown hair and perfect teeth. Sometimes he is 5’5 with glasses….but he is everything you ever dreamed of. Your trusty steed is a 2007 Toyota and the sharpest sword you will ever draw is a ballpoint pen, but you are still strong and powerful. You have within you more power than any evil queen dared to dream of. Stop looking in the mirror and seeing all the faults and blemishes. It is time to see yourself for who you are….you are a god. You are a goddess. You have a universe of power right there at your fingertips.

It is time to realize that ‘Happily Ever After’ is just around the corner. You have the ability to make it happen. Contentment is such a hard thing to realize. We are always so conscious anymore about ‘keeping up with the Joneses.’

I am not a rich man, but I am perfectly happy with what I have and who I am. I may not be able to afford too many luxuries, but I am able to make many of the things I need or buy cheap knockoffs. I think the key, for me, is that I have learned that I don’t need to compare myself to anyone. I am me. I am the most magickal me that I can possibly be. I have my courtyard, my pond, my herd of cats, a little blue chihuahua, a little black doxy, and my own Prince Charming. That, in itself, is a whole lot of magick.

As I thought of all these things, I felt a smile play across my face. That feeling is magick in its purest form….without ritual….without ceremony.

Think about the things that make you happiest……