Wielding the Sword….

Wizard Sword

 

It seems as though some weeks are more challenging than others.  We all have to realize that life in itself is a challenge.  As we move through this plane of existence, we see that day after day, week after week…there are ups and downs.  Over this past week….it seems as though I have fought one uphill battle after another.  Between dealing with clients who seemed to want to fist-fight at work to petty little arguments with my partner to stupid neighbors acting like jackasses….just seemed like one battle after the next.

I had to make sure to take time away from everything this week, but with the rain and chill in the air, it seemed that I was going to have to learn to swim to the pond and float into the woods.  I made myself go, though, and pressed harder into the world of magick than I think I have ever pressed.  I found myself needing to separate from those things that were causing me the most stress.  My blood pressure was going up like a hot air balloon.  Each time it peaked, I could feel the blood vessels dancing in my face;  I could feel the change of pressure in my eyes.

On Tuesday night, I decided to visit the courtyard….while it was pleasant and cool-ish, it just wasn’t far enough away from the issues and pressures at hand.  I needed to go deeper.  I walked out to the edge of the pond….I stared at the water with my eyes glazed over with the memories of issues of the past couple of days…..not big enough to be a crisis, but big enough to distract me.  I breathed slowly in and out….releasing the stresses….receiving in cool, cleansing air.  I walked quietly back to the condo, changed into my pajama pants and had a very restless nights sleep.

I woke up Wednesday morning dragging and grumpy.  When I got to work, it was crisis after crisis after crisis….that nobody would deal with except me.  I finished out the day completely exhausted.  Of course, there was the glorious Atlanta rush hour traffic to contend with on the way home….and to be honest, quite a few folks get a case of the stupids when they drive in the rain.  I walked in the front door and started taking off my scrubs….it is kind of like a snake shedding the old skin.  I love the freedom I feel as I let the dirt of the day fall away from me.  I felt as though I had been battling all day.  I compared it to what a medieval warrior must have felt like after using his sword all day….my arms hurt, my back hurt, my legs hurt….I was one big ache.  Battles are not for wusses.

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Once I put on civilized clothing, including my cloak, I waded down to the woods.  It was just cool enough to stir feelings of Fall’s approach inside of me.  I took a garbage bag and a blanket with me….at least my behind wouldn’t end up completely soggy.  In my backpack were my normal outdoor altar tools…candles, matches, a skull or two, and a wonderful new amulet I just got from Sarah Anne Lawless.

I sat down on the blanket which was covering the trash bag and set everything out….by now it was just barely spitting rain so I was able to light my candles.  I breathed in and out slowly and purposefully.  I called on the directions…I called on the elements (water was there in full representation)…I called on the Lord and Lady.  I addressed the Morrigan….”One must get tired of wielding the sword so much.  No wonder they speak of being battle weary.”  I could feel something almost chuckling around me…..the leaves of the trees moving in the wind.  I felt it deep in my spirit.  “Meditate on what you are leaving behind when you fight.”  I delved deep into my own spirit.  I thought back on all the native american history I knew.  I thought back on medieval times.  A shield……why would you go out into battle without taking something to block what is coming against you?

It crept into my mind.  Sometimes you may not even need to strike with the sword if you block strongly with the shield…of all things to forget.  It should have been second nature for me to think of blocking an attack.  I closed my eyes and visualized a strong blue bubble of healing around me…then I encased that bubble with red for passion…I was determined that nothing was going to get through.  I lay down on the blanket and realized that by now everything was getting a bit soggy….including me.  I packed up and walked back to the house.  I changed into my pajama pants and made myself a cup of hot herbal tea (spiked with just a little bit of honey vodka)….pure heaven.  I slept heavy that night.

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When I got up on Thursday, I put the amulet around my neck.  I figured that not only had it been charged by Sarah, but it also had absorbed the magick from the night before in the woods.  I had no idea about what was waiting for me at work….a yellow-headed dragon…well, close enough.  One of our clients met me at the door regarding an issue that I had no control over whatsoever.  I did everything I could to accommodate her and when she left I thought it had been resolved.  She called back later that afternoon and told my manager that I was combative and degrading….thankfully, I had a shield….a co-worker had been standing there listening to everything.  It started to really dig into me…someone who didn’t even really know me would do something so vengeful and hateful.  I brewed on it for a few hours…..then I remembered, “She really doesn’t know me.  Why am I bothered by someone’s opinion who has no clue who I am.  She doesn’t live with me, she doesn’t spend time with me, she doesn’t talk to me on a daily basis.”  I could feel those shielding bubbles of protection kicking in.  At first, I wanted to take the sword and cut her just as she had done me….but then I realized that this was a battle that had no significance at all.  The sword wasn’t needed…..this time, only the shield.

Since that episode, I have been throwing myself into magickal workings.  It has rained non-stop, so I have been utilizing the water and air elements.  Healing has been strong on my list.  I have friends who have need of healing in body and spirit.  I want to see that healing manifested.  Tonight I will work with fire.  Fire represents passion and comfort to me….I have a few friends who have requested both.  I look forward to seeing what can be accomplished through the combination of energy.  I can already feel it swirling around me.

This morning, I saw something strange on the telephone pole above the parking lot.  I kept hearing Mama Crow cawing frantically and angrily.  I looked around trying to find her.  I then heard the “squee squee” of a hawk nearby.  I looked up to see Mama Crow absolutely tormenting that hawk.  I honestly would have never thought that a crow would take on a bird that much bigger.  She flew at, bit at and flailed at that hawk with something I have never, ever witnessed….and the hawk left.  I was dumbfounded.  I just stood there staring at Mama Crow up on that pole.  I could almost swear her breast was puffed out in pride.  It was then that I realized….in battle, it’s not size, strength, or even weapons….most of the time it is just pure tenacity.

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Blessed Be!

When the Past Comes Calling…

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This week was a very tiring week. There has become so much to do at work. I feel as though I am trying to cram two weeks into one. It has become the practice of the management to continue to add more and more duties to the ones that already exist for me. Of course, when I become overtired, that is an opportunity for things to surface in my life….most of the time, things that require working through.

On Tuesday, on the way to work, thoughts came racing to my mind from a good twenty five years ago….a time when I wasn’t so confident in the person I was….a time when the very essence of who I was needed, in my opinion to be kept secret. I was serving a church in the foothills of North Carolina. I was full time there as a project coordinator and part time in the local funeral home. I was struggling with what the church said God required of me and what my insides were telling me. I was living with one foot in the church and one foot in the gay community. I tried to live the way the congregation expected me to, but I felt like there was a constant war being fought in my heart and in my spirit. I remembered my last day at that church. I remember the accusations being hurled at me….the words spat at me in anger. The requirements made of me by someone completely ignorant of who I was or what my heart held.

I remember the pastor’s wife coming into the office that I was being sequestered in. She looked at me scowling. She roared at me, “You are a homosexual!!! You have AIDS!” I will never forget that punch in my gut…the sick, I’m-gonna-puke feeling. I was forced and driven to the local health department and made to take an HIV test. As I look back on this now, there are so many things I should have said and done, but I was a scared 22 year old kid. I did well to even remember my name in all that ruckus. This one incident effected the rest of my life.

I was required to take a mandatory leave of absence from another organization I worked with until I “worked through my transgressions.” I had to report to elders each week like someone in prison reports to a parole officer. I had to walk past faces filled with disdain and hatred as I walked past congregation after congregation….”working” my way back into the good graces of the church. To this day, that is why I hate to hear the phrase, “We need to talk about something.” and why I hate someone looking down their nose at me. It still haunts me…and this past week was one of those times.

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Throughout this past week, I have also been struggling with the need for “me” time. It seems that lately there has been no respite from anything. I escape to the woods and the pond as much as I can…but the mosquitoes are now getting fat. At home, my partner takes over our bedroom, the roomie has his bedroom, the living room is common area….sometimes I just take my phone, notebook and a pen and I sit in the bathroom floor for an hour, just for a bit of peace.

Yesterday morning, though, I knew that I was going to have some time to myself. I got up extra early and suited up my partner in crime. Friz wasn’t quite wide awake yet and wasn’t too keen on coming out of the kennel. After much coaxing, he finally stretched his way out, I harnessed him up and we disappeared to the woods. There was no ritual this time…no purposeful seeking out. I wound up my cloak and put it under my head…Friz curled up in the middle of my stomach and we slept. This was by far the weirdest sleep I had ever had. I dreamed constantly of the church scenario that I described above. Each time I would close my eyes and dream, it felt as if a tiny piece of my spirit and my heart was being ripped and shredded.

I lay there for what seemed like hours and tried to make my mind obey me…to stop re-living something that was no longer a part of me. At that point I heard Mama Crow caw loudly. It snagged me away from that horrible memory and jolted me back to present. It was a loud, harsh caw….I look back on it now and realize that it was a call to magick. She was reminding me to take control of a situation and not let something so far away control my todays. It was time to take the person I have become and let that person battle the person I used to be. I created a scenario in my head of what I thought I should have done to respond to that situation and as I drifted back to sleep, I let that person take over the dream….who would have ever thought that one could reclaim a memory so easily and work it out for my benefit.

After I had reclaimed that memory, I scooped Friz up and we made our way to the pond. He yawned as I cradled him and we moved toward the water. We both sat closer to the water than we normally did. I got a stick from nearby and wrote in the water with the stick. I wrote all the negative things about myself that had been brought to mind this week…..all those horrible memories. When I finished writing, I took a nearby rock and threw it into the middle of where I had been writing. I watched as the ripples dissolved all those memories I had written in the water. Then I took the stick and wrote words in the dirt that described who I am now…who I have become over the course of the practice of the Craft. I smiled as the letters took form…..Strong…Outspoken…Wise…Dependable…Gay…Role Model. It took a long time for me to love the me I have become, but I am proud of the person I look at every morning. There is no need for me to let small minded criticisms from far too long ago take root.

I have decided that from now on, when the past comes calling, and it isn’t something that I want to visit with…a locked door can be my best ally. Why let the past take pieces of my spirit…..when it really isn’t worth the memory wasted on it.

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Blessed Be!

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble…

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The weather this week has been damp. Everything in Atlanta is lush and green….you would almost think you were transported to the countryside of dear old Eire…if it weren’t for the concrete and traffic and buildings and smog. Add to the damp air the beauty of the summer cold….sniffling, snorting and hacking…I refused to be knocked out by this. I had too much to accomplish. So where did I head to in the midst of all of this…yep, that’s right….the woods.

Mosquitoes have been horrible during all this rain and I have been eaten alive. So first and foremost, I let the old hedgewitch come out in me. It was time to make my concoction of a bug repellent. I combined lavender essential oil with rosemary and citronella with a base of jojoba and combined it with a melted beeswax base. Into a tin it went and I had my own version of a bug repellent/ointment. I was the best smelling creature in those woods….best of all, not one mosquito bite! I wore my cloak….the damp just did not appeal to me…and of course the folks around here think I am different anyway. Some of the neighbors embrace my witchiness and others are repelled by it….kinda like coming out all over again. As I was walking Friz one night, a big storm started brewing….a neighbor called out to me over the thunder, “Did you call this in? I laughed and told her that I didn’t do it this time.

Wednesday night, I lay in the bed hating the coughing and snorting….my head pounded and I finally drifted off to sleep. The whole night, I dreamed about being in the woods with the wolves and crows. In the dreams, the wolves were teaching me to hunt and howl….the crows were teaching me to fly. If I close my eyes now, I can still see the faces of each wolf and crow. I remembered recognizing the two leading the shenanigans as the wolf who accompanies me to the woods and Mama Crow. “Get reacquainted with my wild side?” I remember in the dream dancing with my wild friends skirting in and out of the moonlight as the night overtook us….golden eyes shining back at me from behind trees….the rustling of wings in the air.

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When I woke up Thursday morning, I already felt a hundred times better. Maybe all I needed was a little wild time and some animal medicine. Who better than wolf and crow to walk me through the healing of playing in the woods. I got Friz harnessed up and ready for a little trek out into the woods. Even though the clouds above were quite ominous and you could smell rain in the air, it was evident that we both craved this time. With a misting of rain escorting us into the wooded area beyond the condos, we both had a renewed energy about us.

I have been working on a new project lately. It is a wand made of blackthorn wood. It was something that deep in my spirit I felt compelled to do. I have worked with many woods before, but never with blackthorn. I did my research before receiving the wood from a friend in Ireland. I understood that it was a hard wood….and I mean hard. The wood itself has received many drops of my own blood. I researched the history of the ‘blackthorn wand.’ Blackthorn is a very magical sacred wood to Druids and the ancient Celts. Its magical qualities include protection, purification and the ability to repel all negative energy from both your home and your life. This wood has long been associated with the dark aspect of the Goddess, and also represents the waning and dark moon. It also has a strong significance with spirit work.

In preparation for the jaunt to the woods, I had packed the blackthorn wand and my knife into my backpack. Where better to work on this mystical wood than in the same type of element it was born into? As I shaped the wood with my knife and felt the knobs and places where sharp thorns had once been, I pondered over aspects of my own character. Yes, there are still quite a few thorns protruding from me, as well as the dents from storms that have come and gone….but I have become just as strong….just as powerful as the wood my fingers caressed. As I carve and smooth and mold this piece of wood into a magickal tool, I imbue it with all the protection, purification and power against negativity that I can push into it. I quietly laid this tool at the feet of wolf and crow watching them impart their magick into it….wisdom, cunning, and the mysticism that followed the shamanic ancients. I bundled up this treasure, put it in my backpack and picked up Friz and covered him in my cloak as we made our way back to the condo in the rain…..a soft steady rain. Every few steps a small black nose would peek from beneath the cloak just to get a whiff of the dampness.2013-07-05 11.21.27 HDR

When we got inside, I quickly changed into my pajama pants and a tshirt and Friz and I curled up on the sofa. He falls back onto me so that his stomach can be properly rubbed. He is so funny….not so much like a chihuahua, but in many aspects just like a wolf…a very small…likes-to-have-his-belly-rubbed wolf. He never questions the magick, but always relaxes into it….a lesson he is teaching me more and more with each trip to the woods or pond.

These four days I have had off have been very strong magickally for me. I have been making tinctures and tonics and wands and staves. I have felt the power and strength of bonds from miles and miles away. Today, I could have sworn I felt the arms of a dear friend or two wrap around me as I carved and sanded. I have very much felt the power of the ancients with me today. As I walked the complex this evening, I could hear the voices of the old ones in the trees. The frogs welcomed me as I moved toward the pond. I could feel the heartbeat of the earth beneath my feet.

In these hours as the sun goes to sleep, I will light a small fire in my cauldron, apply my flying ointment and journey. Where? Only my heart and spirit knows. Right now….I sit writing, watching a little blue dog asleep in the chair…my chair…the one I bought for reading but rarely get to use. He is tuckered completely out. This week has been full of magick for both of us….now is the time to rest in it. I am one contented witch.

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Blessed Be!

Sometimes You Truly Cannot Go Home Again

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I have tried to make my life as cozy and comfortable as possible.  I don’t like clutter, I like to have things I love close at hand.  I like nothing better than settling into the sofa with a book, a glass of wine or coffee and losing myself in some place fantastical.  I love to lose myself in my magickal life sometimes….but many days, real life takes over and tosses me like a ship in choppy seas.

My mom called this past week.  She wanted to know if we would be coming home for the 4th of July.  My partner and I wrestled with the decision.  You see, as comfortable and cozy as a trip back home should be…it is the complete opposite.  It seems whenever we do visit, that all we get to experience is rush and stress and a plethora of other issues surrounding it.  We have to consider the dogs….do we board them, take them with us, ask our roommate to take care of them while we are gone.  Then there is the fact that it just isn’t cheap to drive 6 hours to visit for two days.  There is also the requesting of time off from work…..that is like pulling donkey teeth.  When a business is short-handed, it doesn’t matter how many PTO hours you have…..it becomes impossible to escape, if only for a day or so.

So after the stress of breaking the news to my mother that her first-born would not be coming back to small-town life for a few days….I escaped out to the pond with Friz.  It was a bit overcast this afternoon, so it wasn’t too bad sitting out by the water watching the cranes and the chipmunks and of course Mama Crow.  I must smell to high heaven now.  I come to start carrying different treats in my pockets for the different animal friends I have made.  I pulled out a piece of raw meat that I had stashed for her just before going out.  I threw it in her direction.  I feel that she is coming to trust me more and more.  She visits just outside the courtyard now and always comes along when Friz and I visit the pond.

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As I sat there listening to the noises around me, it dawns on me how much I have changed over the years.  I think it is peculiar that the place that once meant comfort and soothing to me (my own homeplace) has come to represent stress and hurriedness.  The times I sat out at by the pond behind the barn or wandered into the woods back behind the property seem only a distant memory sometimes.   I have made my nest where I am now….and I realize that even that, someday, will change.

My magick has even changed over the years.  I remember when everything had to be just so.  I have found that I love a more relaxed approach to magick….I have found that it makes things progress more naturally.  I also find myself drawn toward more natural and ancient elements…bone, fur, feather.  I find that working with that which nature provides holds a stronger magick.  Now, I do not go out and kill anything just for the purpose of using it in magickal workings.  I patiently wait until it is offered to me by nature and the animal itself.

On many of my walks, I find remains from all kinds of animals that I incorporate into magickal workings.  After I cleanse the skull or feathers or whatever I may find (just on the off-chance that whatever I did find met with a violent end, I want to offer the spirit of that animal a chance to move on)…I love the feeling of being so in touch with nature and the elements and those who sacrificed for those magickal workings.  Over the past couple of weeks, I was gifted with the remains of a crow and a chipmunk. One skull will be gifted to a friend and the other will find a home on my altar.

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As I sat by the tree at the pond today and watched Friz and Mama Crow.  I couldn’t help but think about how honestly animals live their lives.  I have tried to do the same thing…..I have tried to be no one except for who I have become over the years.  I have tried to live a life of purpose and one of integrity.  When I go home, it feels as though I am being asked to put on a mask for the time I am there.  Let me clarify…I have never ever been one to hide who I am….gay, witch…however you want to see it.  The way it is put at home is, “Isn’t it bad enough that people know you’re gay?  Do they have to know you are a witch too??”  I explained that as long as they were talking about me, then all the rest of town was getting a rest.  They didn’t seem amused.

It isn’t that I don’t want to go home.  I have learned to create home wherever I am at the moment.  At this moment in my life….home is centered around my pets and having them be as stress-free as possible.  It is about  me being able to practice my Craft whenever I feel the want or need.

Last weekend, I took a little visit to the old house that we lived in just before this last move.  This was the house where I had my herb gardens and I used to camp out in the grove of holly trees and work magick.  As I pulled into the drive, I found a sign stating that the property was to be bull-dozed for a subdivision.  The yard was overgrown….all the beautiful herbs I had planted had become mounds of tangles.  The grove of holly trees had knee-high grass all around it.  I took out my pocket knife and made a massive herb harvest….feverfew, lavender, rosemary, monarda, yarrow.  I laid them all out in the trunk of the car on newspaper and then I walked gingerly (to keep from stepping on snakes) to the holly grove.  I sat in the crook of that old familiar tree and rested my head against it.  I thanked it for all the wonderful magick it had worked with me.  As I walked back to the car, I gathered some branches from around it…maybe a wand or two will come out of them.2013-06-23 15.40.47

Yes….things are constantly moving and changing around us….the wheel of the year is never at a standstill.  It is up to us to determine how we will use those changes in the magick that has been gifted to us.  Is our home a finite place?  No.  Home is wherever we are…surrounded by whatever it is that encompasses our spirit.

No….I cannot truly go home again.  I am already there.

Blessed Be!

When the Morrigan Calls

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Ever have one of those weeks that seems to beat you like that old rug hanging over the clothesline?  Not that everything happening to you is bad….it’s just that most of everything that throws itself your way is overwhelming.  That is what this week seemed to be…..and I feel just dead tired this weekend.

The first part of the week started innocently enough…with phonecalls from home.  First, the call from Ma….telling me all the things she has dealt with this week from my nieces and my brother’s wife.  Then I get phonecalls from my brother’s wife and nieces explaining to me that my mother is being unreasonable…..there is a reason I live six hours away.

The middle part of the week came with head-butting confrontation with my partner and my roommate.  My partner was in one of those moods that would argue with everything I said.  If I said the sky was blue, he would counter it with the argument that it was more purple-ish.  If I said the grass looked greener, he would say that it looked a little more brown.  The roommate was in one of his OCD modes with regards to all the television electronics…..he insisted we could get better results if I were to call our cable service and blah blah blah.  I told them both that I would put a Ziplock bag over their heads while they slept if they didn’t shut up.

The latter part of the week was haunted by all the idiocy that the people at work could conjure.  We are short-handed….but we are supposed to cut hours?!?  We are doing better financially but we are supposed to keep payroll down?!?  We all stand there dumbfounded as more work is heaped upon us.  My blood pressure ran rampant this week.

I could feel myself drawing into myself on Wednesday.  It is in those times of turmoil that I often retreat into that one squishy confused tower that I have….myself.  It is also in those times of turmoil that I start to see more crows.  I should have guessed what the week might be like when I pulled into the parking lot at work after lunch on Monday to find a murder of crows….funny that name.  One would automatically think ‘flock,’ but instead it’s a ‘murder.’  How appropriate.

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The crows around here can sense when I need magick…when I need my battery jumped.  I saw them everywhere throughout the week.  Mama crow sat at the top of her telephone pole all week long surveying what was going on.  I got home yesterday and all you could hear throughout the condo complex was one crow call after another.  At one point, it seemed so loud that it seemed to drown out all other noises. 

I am many things, but foolish is not one of them.  I know when someone is beckoning to me.  I recognized all of the signs that Morrigan was calling my name….the only thing that could have emphasized it more would have been a crow flying into the middle of my forehead.  It was also this week that I found the remains of a dead crow not far from my condo.  I was able to harvest the skull and seven of the wing feathers…I looked toward the skies and thanked Morrigan for the gift.

When I pulled into the parking lot on Friday to the symphony of crow calls, I was pretty well whooped, but here it was the Summer Solstice.  I needed to prepare myself and have my ritual time.  Unfortunately, one thing after another kept rising up.  Before I knew it, everyone in the house was in bed….but me.  I used this opportunity to load my backpack full of candles and matches and feathers and skulls and crystals and anything else I may need for this time that awaited me.

I snuck out the door as quietly as I could.  I hurried down the sidewalks to the point where one ended at the edge of the woods.  It was if I had stepped into a different universe.  I could feel waves of energy coursing through me.  I settled down onto the floor of the woods, set my candles and crystals around me, invited the directions, the elements…..then I closed my eyes and called to the Morrigan.2012-09-17 20.43.37

Now, I know that we all have ways of seeing deity.  I am fine with that and I won’t blast you for your perceptions if you will offer me that same courtesy.  As I called to her….the smell of the incense I had burning grew stronger….it is a blend I made to bring to mind the forest and the feel of wildness.   I could sense the Morrigan approaching….my heart started to race…not out of fear, but in anticipation.  As I began to spew out all that I had dealt with for the week, I could sense something different in the air.  It felt a bit like when my mother was getting a bit perturbed at me and would stand with her arms folded, tapping her foot.  It was in this moment that I looked toward the heavens and called out, “What would you have me do?” 

I sat and listened intently.  I could hear the answers rumbling forth. “Where is all that fire power?  Where is the fight that is inside of you?  Where is that lion’s heart that was born into you on Lughnasadh?  Where is that heart of a wolf?  Instead you sit here whimpering like a pup.”  At this point, I swear I heard my grandma’s voice, “Get some fight about you, boy!  Don’t just roll over and play possum!”   I could feel a smack upside my head and I could feel it hard.  I realized that all week, I had essentially just been ‘bending over and taking it’ and it wasn’t fun at all.  It was time to let the warrior show…..to let the wolf and lion growl for a bit.  I took out my pen and paper and wrote down the things I knew I needed to do in the coming weeks.  It was time to let that heart of a warrior shine through.  Why was I allowing stupid stuff to get to me?  I had allowed circumstances and situations to take away my power.  IT WILL NOT HAPPEN!!  It was time to show a little backbone, as my grandma would say.

I finished up my ritual time and settled against a tree with my canteen of wine.  I dug my toes into the earth around me….that’s the best way in the world, in my opinion, to ground yourself.  After a time of relaxation under the moon, I packed everything up and walked quietly back to the condo.  I crept in the door, changed clothes, and crawled into bed without anyone waking up.

This morning started as most others….Friz and I taking our Saturday walk.  We walked to the pond….spent some time down there.  The whole time I could hear the voice of one crow in the background.  I knew it was Mama Crow.  I chuckled to myself, thinking of all the crow activity in my life this week.  Friz and I got closer to the condo and right in front of it, on the outside of the serpentine wall, I see Mama Crow on the ground.  She is eating what is left of something dead…I didn’t really feel like investigating.  She looked up at me….did not blink once.  Friz was amazed…he has never stood that still.  In that moment, I could feel her energy…that of a survivor…that of a fighter.  I thanked her.  She went right back to eating and Friz and I went inside.  My mind was racing.  Nothing like being hand-fed the power of the crow so early in the morning.2013-06-22 21.32.18

Blessed Be!

Back in the Saddle Again….

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To say that this past weekend was busy is an understatement.  So many things were going on, plus it was a holiday weekend. 

The planning for this weekend started in late November of last year.  My goal for buying Christmas gifts for my partner was going to take a different turn.  I was investing in “activity gifts” for both of us…..Cooking classes, massages, and a ‘Romantic Couples Horseback Riding Lesson.’ 

I had to make the reservation a couple of weeks ahead to secure our time and space….only two couples do the lesson at one time.  I was a bit nervous because my partner’s ear surgery was wedged right in the middle of all of this planning.  He was given the ‘all’s clear’ by his doctor with the understanding that he would take it easy and was told there needed to be absolutely no galloping.

I got up early Saturday morning.  I had to go early to do fluids for our friend’s dog.  I got on the road, only to be texted ten minutes into the drive to be told not to come.  I was just a tiny bit perturbed.  I had left Friz asleep in the kennel after his quick meal and potty break.  He looked at me as if I had scolded him as I headed out the door.  After the phone call, I rushed back to try to walk Friz out by the pond.  I harnessed him up and we walked toward the pond.  Everything seemed a bit out of kilter.  The crows were going crazy.  I had never seen them so antsy. 

Friz and I sat down under our old tree friend and I leaned back.  I could not relax…..Friz couldn’t settle down either.  He shuffled and he moved and he shifted and he licked non-stop.  I finally got so unsettled that I scurried back to my feet and quickly ushered him back to the condo.  As we walked away, I saw Black and White Cat coming up in the distance.  I waved quickly and we kept moving. 

I got Friz comfortable with my partner and I hurried to meet our roommate in the living room.  We had planned on going to brunch.  We got in the car and rushed to our destination.  We arrived at the restaurant with not a minute to spare.  We were seated quickly…..right in the middle of a section that had some of the most ill-behaved children I have ever encountered.  As we tried to talk and eat, these children shrieked and screamed and ran around the tables without so much as a ‘No’ from their parents.  We practically swallowed our meal whole just to get away from the chaos.

We thought that as a breather that we would head over to Starbucks.  We figured that we might be able to sit outside, enjoy the weather and relax a bit.  This time we happened to grab the last table…..and of course, it was beside a table where the occupant talked loudly to himself the whole time.  We also got to experience a dog that was there with his owner.  Obviously the dog had not been very well socialized as it barked and yowled at every passerby.  I looked at my roommate and said, “I am ready to leave now.  I need to start getting ready.”  6781100867_0d43e04b3b_z

We left and got home in record time.  I had time to jump in the shower, put on my jeans and boots, hop in the car and head to Adairsville.  Thankfully, our roommate had agreed to feed the dogs and keep them out while we were gone.  We fought the Atlanta holiday traffic on highway 285, highway 85, and highway 75.  We had finally gotten far enough out of the city that things were beginning to settle down.  We went exactly where Google Maps told us to go and ended up lost on a road that did not hold our destination.  It said that we needed to park and walk over hills to get to it. 

I told my partner to stay in the car and I walked down the road to neighboring farms to see if I could get accurate directions.  After stopping at five different farms, I finally came up on a little white haired woman. “You ain’t far from it…..don’t know why you’s way over hyar.  It’s right around that curve up yunder.  You’ll see the sign.”  I texted my partner and told him to drive down and pick me up and we drove around the curve.  Sure enough it was right around that curve ‘up yunder.’  We got out and our instructor was waiting for us on horseback on the other side of the pasture gate.  There was another couple with us.   He told us to come around the gate and follow him to the barn.  Thankfully I had worn my boots and jeans and thought to tell my partner to do the same.

We arrived at the barn and the instructor talked to us about respect for the horse.  He discussed energy with us and told us we needed to release any tension or frustration that we had because he would not allow that type of energy around his horses.  We all separated ourselves and did breathing exercises.  Once we were in the right mind frames, the instructor introduced each of to the horse we would be partnered with.  My partner was paired up with a quarter horse gelding.  He was directed to stand in from of the horse and breathe…In through the nose and out through the mouth.  The instructor called this ‘Equus.’  He was directed to rub the horse all over his body in circular motions with just a small amount of pressure.  This was to increase the human/animal bond.  Then he was shown how to direct the horse without forcing him.   This all clicked very easily for my partner and before long his horse was following him like a puppy.

In turn, the other riders were introduced to their steeds.  I was the last one to meet my mount.  I had turned my back for a second, and as I turned toward the stall, I saw the instructor lead out one the biggest animals I had ever seen.  He told me the horse was a Percheron and his name was Billy.  He was ginormous!!  Then again, this horse had to be able to carry mine and his own weight through the trails.  I had tried to release all of the tension of the day.  I went through all the directives that I was given.  I started to lead Billy.  He wouldn’t budge.  I had already been told that he was extremely gentle…but also stubborn.  He had been aquired through a rescue group and was a remarkable animal.

I walked slowly around him breathing and rubbing in circles.  I took the rope in my hand and proceeded to walk. Nothing.  I wasn’t about to pull.  After all, how effective would that be with a 2100 pound horse?  The instructor came over to me and told me to let the horse help me with my own energy.  With this instruction, I began to rub Billy’s face…breathing deeply as I did.  I whispered out, “Lady Epona…I call on you.  Make mine and this animal’s spirit one.  Renew and refresh our energy.  Calm us and build in us your heart.  Bring us together with you.”  I heard the instructor say calmly, “Will you look at that!  He is asleep.”  Billy slowly opened his eyes and I swear it looked as though he winked at me.

The instructor helped me up on Billy and gave some basic instructions.  Now, I have been on horses before, but it had been so long that I decided to let the instructor treat me as a beginner.  Every gentle request I made of Billy seemed to be second nature to him.  It was as if he could read my mind.  I was third in the line of riders with Billy with my partner and his horse behind.  Billy moved precisely the way he needed to with very little pressure on the reigns.  The only difficulty we had was the part of the trail through the woods.  Billy was so tall that I kept getting smacked in the face with tree branches.  One branch smacked me squarely under the eye and I heard my partner gasp.  I laughed and told him that is what I get for being so heavy….a horse so tall that I am in the higher branches.

As we would go up hills, Billy would pick up speed to get us up the incline.  He never seemed to lose control…..he always knew just how much speed to add without going into a gallop.  As we cleared the trees, we came into an open pasture with a pond nearby.  Each one of us was helped off the horse and they were close beside us.  We were given a mini bottle of wine and allowed to spend time as a couple with both of our horses.  Billy would playfully rub against me and I would do more circles.  My partner’s horse seemed absolutely enamoured with him.  He looked at him the way my partner’s own dog looks lovingly at him.  We laughed and talked about how fascinating these creatures were.  I put my hand on Billy’s forehead and listened as he breathed out.  I could feel the presence of Lady Epona right there in the midst of us.  She was offering her blessings to me, my partner, his horse and Billy.

We climbed back on our horses and made our way back to the barn.  Everyone was helped off their animal and then it was my turn to dismount.  I sat on Billy and the instructor took the rope to lead him.  Billy decided to turn around and head back out of the barn.  I had to direct him back inside.  The instructor said with a chuckle, “Doesn’t look like he’s done with you yet.”  We went to the middle of the barn and I swung my right leg backward and of course couldn’t feel ground.  Even getting off, I was still a good three feet off the ground.  The instructor grabbed me under my arms and helped me down those extra few feet….if I had tried myself, I would have landed with a thud.  As I turned, Billy turned to nuzzle me and I thanked him and Epona for such a wonderful afternoon…..and afternoon wrapped in the arms of the Divine. 

As we walked back to our car, we walked in silence.  We knew that we had experienced something unique.  We knew that we wanted to do this again….soon.  We are already planning dates.

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The Magick of Listening

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I have found myself in a myriad of emotions this week. Anger, elation, melancholy, and apathy. I started the week the way it normally starts….work. It seems that somedays, everything there….every person can push every button I have and summon up such a rage inside me, that each time it rises, is the worst I have felt. Then there is the melancholy that comes sometimes with just dealing with everyday issues….bills coming due, little past remembrances that can creep in. Apathy….now I will admit, I do not feel this very often. I am normally a raging heap of emotions….a large rubberband ball of raw emotion….but this week, I was to the point that I disconnected so quickly (and it was quite evident, by the way) that people asked if I was still in this large gelatinous form I call a body. Of course, there is my favorite of all these emotions…..elation. The uncontained euphoria of hearing that my partner had come through his ear surgery beautifully and that the surgeon was optimistic that he would regain most of his hearing.

Now, this week was submersed in the details of the ear surgery. There was the anticipation of the positive results, but there was also the dread that the hearing would not improve and that total deafness in that ear would be the end result. We talked….a lot. We talked about possibilities and fears and we made promises and laughed about how silly we were being too.

All of this emotion surrounding one of the five senses made my brain go into overdrive. What would I be without one of those senses? Where would I have to make adjustments? How good of a listener am I, really?

Today was the first full day after the surgery. I spent the rest of yesterday worrying about whether he would bend over wrong….strain….move the wrong way….do something that would destroy the positive results forever. He was drugged up and feeling pretty good, so he really didn’t give a rip. I constantly asked him, “What does it sound like? How does it feel?” Questions and Loritabs don’t really mix well. I was told to stop and let him sleep.

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This morning, I woke up tired. I tossed and turned all night long listening for any signs of pain or discomfort. Of course, at an especially early hour, I hear whines coming from the kennel at the foot of the bed. The dogs want to be fed and walked. Bella was content with eating, pooping and then going right back to sleep. Friz on the other hand expected more. It was a comfortable temperature out, the sun was shining. He was pulling me with all the force a chihuahua could muster toward the pond.

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Friz and I settled in beside the old oak tree. I closed my eyes and for the first time in a long time…..I just listened. I could hear my breath coming in shorter bursts at first because of the exertion of the walk. Then I listened as it lengthened….became softer, easier, calmer. I listened to Friz’ panting. Heavy at first….then gently relaxing. I could hear him twisting his body to fit my lap….could hear his breathing become heavier and then dissolve into soft snores.

I heard a familiar sound approaching us from the wooded area behind us. It was a soft padding catching the leaves that were left from fall and winter and the taller grasses as it came closer. I could hear a loud purr roar forth from an old fae cat that hadn’t seen us in what seemed like ages. I listened as he cuddled into Friz and the sound of a small motorboat was roaring forth from his insides. I heard so many sounds around me that I would typically ignore just because it didn’t directly effect me. There were sounds that made my imagination dance. I just knew I could hear the fae playing hide and seek around me…..the flit of wings and tiny little giggles.

My brain raced into technicolor visions of creatures that I have longed to see and look eyeball to eyeball with. Every splash I heard in the pond water was not just that boring old bullfrog that I have seen time and again….but a beautiful mermaid or merman splashing about. That breeze that I could hear swooshing around my ears was the aftermath of a low-flying dragon. Oh the joy that was stirred up in me…..just from listening harder than I have ever listened before.

As I sat there with visions and sounds rushing around me, I quieted my spirit enough to whisper, “Lord and Lady, take this time, in my silence to teach me.” I listened harder. If my ears could have bled from the strain of listening, this would be that time. What was I waiting to hear? A thunder clap? The roar of a hurricane? A tidal wave? It must be something that is going to be huge….ginormous….something fantastical! The longer I sat there, though, the quieter it seemed to get. The wind had become still. The splashing had stopped. My spirit, however, did quicken. I felt an excitement…a wonderful stirring. And then, it was like I heard a whisper. It was a whisper that seemed to echo with the divine masculine and the divine feminine. “In your stillness, in your silence, you are learning. You are learning of the kisses and caresses of the wind. You are learning of the laughter of the water. You are learning of the joy and warmth of fire through the sun….but most importantly, you are learning to hear the heartbeat of mother earth. It is in your connection with each of these elements that you learn from and connect deeper to the Lord and Lady. Our spirit becomes a part of your spirit. You know us as well as you know yourself.”

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I breathed in deeply. It was almost as if I was taking in my first breath. Not only did my hearing seem sharper…..but every sense seemed more alive and hyper-sensitive. I inhaled deep and caught a faint scent of jasmine penetrate my nostils. I shifted my weight and it was as if every grassblade underneath me became evident….nature’s carpet. It was almost as if I could taste the wind on my tongue. Finally as I opened my eyes, I could see everything glowing in the light of the sunshine.

The one thing I have learned about myself over the years is that I can be a little thick…not the brightest crayon in the box. Nature has found a way to show me the things I miss from time to time. I have often told my friends that Friz is one of those dogs that ‘doesn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain.’ Now I am beginning to think that I was the one all along with no sense. When I watch that little dog in a rainstorm, he turns his little nose into the air and sniffs just as hard and fast as he can sniff. He doesn’t stop to worry about the fact that he is getting wet. He is living for that moment….that second…and with that moment comes all the smells that rain brings out.

Today we had a rainstorm. Of course, Friz had to go out at that exact moment. The only difference was that this time, I was standing right there beside him…nose raised in the air, sniffing as hard and fast as I could. It smelled fresh….it smelled new…..just like another new beginning.

Blessed be!!

There and Back Again….

131164-bilbo-smoking“I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it’s very difficult to find anyone.’

I should think so–in these parts!  We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures.  Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things!  Make you late for dinner!”

My best friend and I were talking last night as we walked out of the grocery store.  Me:  Do you think I have lost my joie de vivre?  Him:  Yeah, maybe a little bit.  You aren’t the same as even when I met you.  Me:  What do you think happened.  Him:  I think you let fear take away what was once inside you.

I have to say that I agree 100%.  When I look back at the person I used to be, there was a sense of daring….a sense of delight that overtook me when someone told me that I wasn’t capable of doing something.  Immediately, something was stirred inside of me that was determined to prove them wrong. RhosgobelWe are told, that as we age, we are to settle down….it is a time to become comfortable.  After all, retirement is looming around the corner and we know that somewhere in our future, rocking chairs and quilts abound.  We have been hypnotized by reality shows….we no longer have to leave our homes for adventure…..just turn on the tellie, and you can live someone elses life.  You can dream of what it would be like to be one of the housewives of Atlanta, or go Hillbilly Handfishing, or you can be Honey Boo-Boo Child……the aspirations are endless!

You don’t even have to leave your home to have date-night anymore.  Turn on “On Demand” and order a movie…order a meal to be delivered and you never have to get dressed or even shower for that matter.  Is it any wonder that anymore we are becoming a batch of stinky, overweight, non-doers?  And trust me, I am  right at the top of that list.  I speak from experience.  It is so much easier to stay at home and never move from the sofa or the patio than to have to fight Atlanta traffic or make the effort to find new and whimsical things to tickle and enthrall the senses.  After all…..I have grown up responsibilities now.  I have two dogs and two cats that hang on my every movement and word….Yeah, right!

I do venture out to the woods or the pond on the weekends…sometimes even during the week.  I dress like powerful mage that I am (well, at least in my mind. LOL)  I look to the elements and the plants and trees and animals for the magick that I am so sure is inside of me.  But there is something missing.  There is adventure brewing in me that has yet to be tapped into.  There is that part of me who hungers to climb the hills outside of my courtyard, climb the mountains beyond and soar into the distance. My sword is at the ready….dragons are around the corner. 2012-10-10 15.00.59

I have entertained the Morrigan many times this week.  My encounters with her have been through the one aspect that I cringe at, but also crave.  She has spent the week calling me to change.  It is time to lay some old habits and thought patterns to the side and embrace a part of myself that I buried a few years ago.  It is one thing to grow older but one must also grow wiser.  The Morrigan showed me many mirrors this week.  In one reflection, I was a ferocious as a wolf.  That wolf, now, because of fear that has been allowed to creep into my life….will roll over onto his back and pee in the air like a submissive puppy.  In another reflection, I kept my wings spread wide like the crow…again, because of fears, my wings have been clipped.  Finally, I was shown the reflection of the buck.  My head high, my gait smooth, my speed swift.  I have allowed fear once again to cripple me and cause me to limp….afraid to move too fast.

I had forgotten that the person staring back at me was the one who had the nerve to leave home at 17 and pursue an acting and singing career in New York.  I had forgotten that this same person took on raising two girls without so much as flinching.  Most recently, he moved to Atlanta without the prospect of a job to be with the man he loved.  I saw courage in his eyes.  I saw fire.

I looked back in….the reflection didn’t seem to match who was staring back.  I have become far too settled.  I have traded adventures for stability.  This is not a bad thing, but I have let the stability become ritual with no expectations.  I have stayed where I am because it is comfortable and not necessarily the best thing for me.

Now I am not talking about getting up and forsaking everything that my life holds.  I have been called by the Morrigan to change those things that have made me monotanous….that have hampered and suffocated the magick.  I have started an adventure sheet.  I will be doing magick that will help to activate the adventure that I know is still there.  I may need to bare the teeth a little more, spread the wings a little wider, and race a little swifter into the wind….but I am willing to do these things.  That fellow I once saw in the mirror never went away….he was just napping.  Sometimes we have to wake that part of us up…..no matter how hard we protest.2012-09-06 12.09.40

It is time to free the parts of me that have locked away.  I need to remember to dance a little harder, laugh a little louder, run a little faster…..after all, life is one adventure after another.  I just had to decide to get up from the table, turn off the TV and run out of the gate just as fast as I could run.

I AM GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!!!!!the-hobbit_2422493b

Walking Backwards

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Yesterday morning was overcast.  There was a bit of a drizzle of rain as Friz and I made our way to the pond.  I needed the pond yesterday.  This week has been a rough one all the way around.  Wrenches were thrown into everyday life, clients were more irate than usual…..I was yelled at more all week than I have been all year.

My mind, my body and my spirit were tired.  I felt more drained than I have in a long time.  It is a feeling that you have been beaten so much that you just don’t know if you can get back up.  My neck and shoulders hurt from carrying the stress of the week in them.

Friz could sense every bit of this on the walk.  He was more subdued than he has ever been.  He padded along softly beside me, knowing where we were headed.  When we got to the pond, we found a stump where one of the trees had been.  I know for a fact that the tree wasn’t dead, but the maintenance folks around here have been cutting down trees with a vengeance this week.  This just added to my tension.  I felt something welling up inside me and a muffled sob came to surface. 

I could feel so many thoughts rifling through my mind.  The first was that humans just don’t know how to leave things alone.  Everything has to fit into our way of thinking.  We have to squeeze and mash and tear and beat something until it fits into the box of a world that we have created.  We do it with everything….the environment, animals, and other people.

I have to watch myself….especially around my own animals.  Because I live in the city now, it is easy for me to forget that animals are animals.  I find myself sometimes expecting the dogs and cats to force themselves into a mold that I have created.  The dogs hear a noise, it’s natural for them to bark in response.  In my mind, they should know that we live in a condo (or glorified apartment) and that they should be quiet.  No barking for you….restrain your voice.  The cat knocks over a picture frame trying to look out the window, we scold him for knocking something down that we have placed a value on…not him.  We are the ones who have confined him (technically a wild animal) to the indoors with only a glimpse of the outside through a window. 

Animals are such wonderful spirits.  They can pick up on our moods…they offer their own type of empathic consolation.  They have adapted to the fishbowl that we have placed them in.  Our environment has had to learn the same.  We go ripping through forests with saws and bulldozers….all for the sake of progress.  God  and Goddess knows, Atlanta does not have enough empty office buildings or condominiums.  The tree that was cut down over the course of a day (even though there was nothing wrong with it) unfortunately was probably blocking someones view.  .

We humans have also become so completely intolerant of each other.  If someone elses lifestyle or belief system doesn’t fit with mine….I am going to tear them to shreds…beat them down until they can’t stand anymore.  We watch to see where their spot of vulnerability is and that is where we strike.

I have watched this week as the arguments for and against Marriage Equality have taken place.  I am so blessed….so fortunate to have surrounded myself with friends and family who feel that there should be no difference….that love is love.  But on the flip side, I have experienced co-workers who argue and spit comments about how “that’s not how God intended it to be” and if I hear the phrase about “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”  one more time, I may vomit.  Humans don’t like to feel like their little closed-in box of a world is threatened.

I have also witnessed the intolerance of religion all over Facebook this week.  So many witches getting their knickers in a knot because other witches want to celebrate Easter and Ostara.  I have so much fun with both.  I celebrate Ostara…my altar is adorned with flowers and eggs and rabbits and crystals. When Easter approaches…my altar is adorned with flowers and eggs and rabbits and crystals….Hmmmm.  Again, I feel like someone feels like their own little boxed in world is threatened.  Personally, it takes a little bit more than an Easter egg and fluffy chicks for me to feel threatened.  If someone wants to believe that Jesus rose from the dead…more power to them.  That is hope for them.  We as pagans have way more than enough Gods and Goddesses who are resurrected.

Trust me….I get it.  I have my own comfort zones.  But I sit back and watch as the world goes back to a survivalist mentality.  If it threatens me….I get rid of it.  I think that it is amazing that we put dogs down on a daily basis for acting the same way that humans do.  We have become the growlingest, snarlingest, teeth-baringest bunch of folks around.  We have decided that it is our job to back-stab, bitch-slap and bad-mouth anyone who doesn’t see eye to eye with us….hell, lately it is just as bad if someone looks at us cross-eyed. 

I am not, by far, High Priest “Stick Up His Ass” by any means.  I don’t care to be.  My tradition is my own, paired with teachings that I have received from those I trust and the Ancients.  I don’t really care if you don’t like it or not.  I am not you….nor do I ever care to be.  I am gay….I am a witch…I live a pretty regular life…I love my partner, my family, my animals, and my friends.  It isn’t your job to decide what is right or wrong in my life.  I am a grown man…I make those decisions.

Isn’t it time that we all leave the venom to those animals it is given naturally to?  Isn’t it time to not always have to fight about something? 

I have been beaten and mocked and made fun of for being gay.  I have been mocked and made fun of for being a witch.  I look forward to the day that both of those things are not shocking to others.

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Spring Fever

Yesterday was so nice here.  It was like spring had come on full force.  I got up early and took a walk around the complex.  I was greeted by so many different plants raising their heads to the sun.  So many shoots are coming up.  Inside my own courtyard, there are hostas starting to show themselves.  Hydrangeas are beginning to green up.  On the outside of the courtyard, the daffodils and muscari are greeting spring full force.

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As I walked down by the pond, I could see a sea of daffodils springing up….dancing in the wind.  I looked over to a nearby tree and there sat Mama Crow.  The caw, this time, wasn’t a reprimand….wasn’t a warning….it sounded like the course laugh of an old aunt who had smoked way too much in her life. 

As I went back into the courtyard, all I could think of was sitting in the sun.  I had on a sweatshirt, which became way too hot, so I went inside to change into a lighter shirt and to get the fairy house I have been working on for weeks.  I still had some gluing to do and the fumes would have been way too noxious to stay indoors.  I loved feeling the textures in my hands.  I used natural items to decorate the house.  The stones, the sticks, the moss…..my roommate told me as I was working on it last week that he dreamed about the house one night.  In the dream, he said he kept hearing over and over again that I needed to bless it.  I told him that I didn’t think I needed to bless the fairy house because I wasn’t going to use it for magick.  He said, “But you are.  As you work on it, you are healing and centering yourself.  You are visualizing yourself there.  You are using it as a way of grounding yourself.  Now, I am not a witch, but that all sounds like magick to me.”  Who’d a thunk it?!??  I guess maybe a little witch has rubbed off on him!  LOL!!!

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This has been a hard and very rough winter for me.  I feel like I might have accomplished more by hibernating….but alas, humans aren’t allowed to do that.  We have our jobs, and families, and responsibilities.  This winter, it seems that I have been eaten up in so much sickness…whether it be a cold, a sinus infection, the flu, pneumonia, depression, and cancer scares.  I have a wonderful support system though.  When I am sick, I tend to isolate myself.  I just want to be left alone to hibernate.  I have friends who know me and refuse to let me brew and steep. 

I was told by friends, when I came down with the flu, that I needed to be up and moving….that I didn’t need to lie down constantly.  Instead of listening, I laid there….wallowing in the sickness.  It reminds me of watching yeast activate.  You add it to all the right conditions and ingredients and it bubbles and multiplies and that yeasty smell kind of overtakes everything.  I was bathing in that yeasty smell on a daily basis.  I did everything I shouldn’t have done and pneumonia bubbled up inside of me.  When the doctor discussed the lump on my chest with me, I decided that I wasn’t going to do the same with that.  I jumped at the chance to have it biopsied….started checking into natural anti-cancer agents.  Then when the report came back that no cancer cells were seen, I decided that I should still look for natural immune support….one of which is just getting out in the sunshine.

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After I finished working on the fairy house yesterday,  I took Friz for a walk.  He was a complete handful.  He loves the smell of flowers and digging in the dirt.  He danced, he pranced.  We can learn alot of lessons from our animals.  He did everything that I wanted to do, but tend to stifle because somebody might be looking.  I always did hate conforming.  As we walked,  I decided to do like Friz….so I danced and pranced and when he stopped to dig, I did too.  He thought it was grand fun.  He looked up at me as I was kneeling down in the dirt with him and I swear that pup was smiling as I put my hands in the dirt and started to dig.  It made him dig harder….which made me laugh.  When we got back to the courtyard, we were exhausted.  I sat on the patio sofa and he curled up on my lap.  We both dozed off.  I woke up to such a strong presence of the Goddess.  The breeze was caressing me…I could smell earth and fire and air and water.  I could sense the fae playing close by.

A friend said it best.  “You are healing….after a long…horrid winter….you are reborn!”

Blessed Be!