You Can Blame It On the Moon…She Started It

 

 

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The pull of the full moon was strong this week.  I keep up with the phases of the moon on a regular basis, but this week, I could tell the full moon was powerful without the use of phases or almanacs or signs.  The moon revealed herself this week through nature…not nature as related to trees and the outdoor element, but through the nature of people.

Funny, the derivation of the word ‘Lunacy’ comes from the response of people’s spirit, nature, moods and energies to the moon phases.  “Moonstruck” is what this word meant in Latin.  I got a good strong taste of it this week.

Let me preface this by saying that I have had to implement some major lifestyle changes this week.  After a trip to the ER last weekend, I was told that if I didn’t put ‘healthier lifestyle choices’ into place, that my partner might be waking up next to a dead body sooner than later.  That was both a jolt and a slap in the back of the head at the same time.  Of course, my thought process on this was, “Ok, let’s do this.”  I didn’t give myself a choice….I didn’t look at other options…it just has to be done.

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Dieting can be stressful enough as it is, but when you have to allow for everyone else’s feelings and how they are responding to major changes, it can become even more stress inducing.  Tuesday night, my partner and I had a huge fight….about stupid things.  It boiled down to one thing, he was scared.  He wasn’t just scared about the fact that if I didn’t make changes, I wouldn’t be here long, he was scared of what was to come.  He has grown comfortable with me being heavy.  He has become used to my lethargy and lack of motivation.   Change can definitely be hard on the person that it directly affects, but it can also be a challenge for those indirectly affected too.

I normally try not to go to bed angry, but I did.  I stewed all day Wednesday.  When I got home from work Wednesday, I was still irked….perturbed.  As stood outside, I called on the wind.  Might have been just an eensy bit of a mistake….the elements do tend to feed off of our energies. The wind picked up and whipped and lashed and became cold quickly.  I didn’t have one bit of issue with that….it fit my mood.  Rather than go into the condo right away, I decided to walk into the woods.  I leaned against a tree…I sat down on the ground as my back rolled down the bark of the tree.  I knew I needed to release that anger.  It accomplished nothing…the argument was stupid.  It was an argument rooted in fear.  I utilized the power of the wind to blow that anger off of me.

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Did we make up?  Yes.  Was there understanding? Yes.  More than anything, though, it was about release….letting that energy flow out and away from us.

As I took Friz into the woods this morning, my mind raced.  This week was a week full of anniversaries of deaths, birthdays of those who have gone on, high energies and emotions.  As we settled down on the ground, I could feel the coolness of the earth beneath me.  The heartbeat is faint. The earthmother is in her death-sleep…waiting for spring.  Friz climbs into the circle inside my legs.  He curls in tight and looks up at me with sleepy eyes.  I rub under his cheek and leans into it and sighs deeply.  I start to rub his body with long sweeping strokes…breathing in and out deeply as I do.  His body completely relaxes…his trust for me is evident by the way his body feels against me.  It is much the same way I feel when I lean against a tree or lie against the ground.Spoolknitting silver thread and spool diy necklace

My friend Cindy said it best,

We together are a tapestry…but one silver thread connects the Goddess and you.  If it’s cut…all will unravel.  Enforce it tonight…make it strong.

In that moment in the woods, I realized that it was all about release.  As I released my own energy into the body and spirit of my little blue chihuahua, I felt his own energy meet mine.  Together…combined with that of the Goddess, the Earthmother…we felt the scales of emotion move into balance.  This morning was about my friend, my comrade and companion…who never seems to ask for anything.  His happiest moments come from just being close to me.  As we made our way back to the condo, I made a commitment…today would be about release.  I would pour my energy into those who needed it most.2014-04-13 19.23.21 HDR

 

We had planned last night to go today to the Atlanta Pet Expo.  It was a fun way to get to see other people’s animals and to see pet foods and products.  As we pulled into the parking lot, I could already feel the animals pulling on my energy.  As we walked, I would stop and talk to those dogs that seemed to call out to me.  We wandered through booth after booth…the newest cat litters, pet clothes, grain free dog foods… as we visited the booths and I stopped for the different pets, we could see the rescue areas in the distance.  I could feel the pull.

Years ago when I worked with holistic vet, I was trained and attuned in Reiki…I started the training focusing on humans, but my final trainings and attunements concentrated on animals.  I can and will do Reiki for humans, but would rather and feel more at ease working with animals.  As I rounded the corner of the first lot of rescue cages…I felt that little nudge…I could hear my inner voice telling me that now it was time for release….and so it started.  As I moved from cage to cage, from dog bed to cat bed, I performed Reiki on each one of the rescues I encountered.

The stresses and fears that sometimes our pets and familiars feel are sometimes enough to drive us crazy…not knowing how to fix those things.  The stresses and fears of those in limbo…shifted from foster home to foster home…waiting for that one person or family that will love and watch over you for the rest of your life…so many animals wound tighter than an overused wristwatch.

I slowly started to release my energy into them…one by one.  Sometimes the emotions that overtook me were overwhelming.  I left more than one animal with tears streaming down my face.  No.  I can’t save them all, but I can impart a bit of my own magick into them.  Many come into this world because of the carelessness and selfishness of us and then become throwaways.2014-11-08 22.47.16

I turned around to see a little chihuahua shivering in his kennel.  So much fear was present.  I had to start slow.  I rubbed his back through the bars.  He relaxed.  I rubbed more….he leaned back, sitting on his rear and eyes closed.  Then I took him out.  As I massaged and cuddled and poured into this little guy, he started making a low moaning sigh.  I finished and put him back into the kennel with a prayer that soon he would know the comfort of a lap and the warmth of sleeping next to someone who would love him completely.  With tears streaming, I silently wished I owned a farm where the leftovers could come and live…always surrounded in comfort, always surrounded in love.

When I look at the four leggeds and the winged ones…I always see them as the ones who held magick first.  I see them as the ones who don’t out grow it or stop believing.  The Goddess can communicate with them purely and without anything getting in the way.  2a71fcaecea94fe25e270662a93e0134

 

I make a commitment.  This commitment is the result of having loved several cats over my lifetime, an australian shepherd named Patches, and a little blue chihuahua.  As long as I am able to pour energy and love into any animal I come in contact with…each animal that meets my eye or sniffs my hand will know love, completely and fully, if only for the moment that we have together.

You can blame it on the moon.  She started it.

Blessed Be!

Living Life Fearlessly

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Many of you don’t know that for the past twelve weeks, I have been a part of an internship program at work….no, not the animal clinic.  I quit there back in January.  The internship program I have been in has encompassed things I never thought I could or would be able to do.  Since the end of January, I have studied software systems, taken tests, jumped through hoops, and been way more outgoing than I normally am.  I have had to apply a discipline to my work and home life that I have not accessed since college.  I have had to balance a strenuous work schedule laced with courses and classes and tests.  The team started with many people who thought they might be able to ‘fake’ themselves through the program…many young men and women who thought they could get through on youth alone.  There are now two of us…only two interviewing now for permanent positions.

I sat down with my work mentor this week in preparation for the interviews and asked her to tell me what my strongest quality is.  She looked me in the eyes and point blank said, “You are fearless.  Not a careless, flippant fearless, but the type of fearless that researches and studies and then dives in…,most importantly, you dive in.”

Honestly, I have always been sort of a risk-taker.  The day after high school graduation found me on a bus bound for New York City to pursue an acting and singing career on the Broadway stage.  I was on a plane to Ecuador the day after 9/11.  I moved to Tennessee alone to pursue the ministry.  I bungee jumped off of a tower at Myrtle Beach.  There isn’t much I am not willing to try.  I even want to go skydiving on my 50th birthday.bungee

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t live my life stupidly.  When I do something, it is planned out, researched and studied.  I knew before I bungee jumped that, when I told the guys my weight, I needed to be as brutally honest as I could be.  The weight determines the strength of the bungees.

In my opinion, fearless doesn’t mean the absence of fear…it means you are willing to rise to the challenge.  It may mean that you need to lean a little more on the strength of others to help carry you through the difficult parts of the journey.  Fearless doesn’t mean that common sense and planning go out the window.  It just means you fear less.

Through this time, I have had to pull on resources I had forgotten I had.  I had to reach down inside of myself and rely on strengths that I had long since buried.  I had to dig down and remember that I am truly a smart person.  I had to remember that I am tenacious.  I had to remember that I do not give up.  I had to pull on the strength of teacher wolf to take in all the information that was being fed to me by the buckets…and you know what?  I did it.

This morning was a half damp kind of morning here in the condo complex.  I dragged myself out of bed at 7am.  I put the dog’s food in their bowls.  I fed the cats.  I got Friz harnessed up and ready to go.  I put my backpack on like I have hundreds of other mornings and I stumbled out the door…still half asleep.

I stumbled toward the woods with a little blue chihuahua staring at me like I was drunk and might fall on him.  We got to the edge and there stands my dear friend, the Green Wizard.  He is sitting in the grass, Calliope lying next to him and in his arms, he has an orange and white stray cat that I have seen wondering the property.  Everyone has tried to pet him, but no one has been successful until this morning.

The Green Wizard looks up at me and smiles a full and welcoming smile.  He softly said, “You are going to get tired of me.”  I told him that I didn’t think that was going to happen.  In his next breath, he reminded me that everything happens only for a season and we never know how long that season may last.  I know that he is preparing me for his next departure which, I have a feeling, will last for longer than I am comfortable thinking about.

As I emptied my backpack of the skulls and candles and herbs and crystals, he held certain ones and admired them.  He seemed to have a particular connection with the green tiger’s eye sphere that I have, so I told him to take it.  He seemed deeply touched.  As I lit the candles, he looked me in the eyes and told me, “Weathered Wiseman, you are coming into your season of prosperity.  Your magick, your spirit, your health, your work….everything that you touch will prosper.  As it comes to you, you must be willing to take it by the hand.  No fear….you must be willing to embrace all the blessings that will pursue you.  Your magick is going to explode around you…..it will touch areas of your life you never thought it could.”

My magick will explode, huh?tumblr_lvnpjlOxh81r3royqo1_500

I am so ready.  We think about magick touching every area of our lives….but there are so many areas that we hold onto.  Areas that we want to keep ‘protected.’

This week, I have been busy making wands and athames…washing and bleaching bones, combing through fur.  I want to find a way of making the magick that I hold inside of myself available to others.  The magick that I pour into the tools that I make….the time spent consecrating the tools under the appropriate moonlight…the blood and sweat that are poured into (and onto) those tools are parts of the process that I don’t take lightly and I don’t compromise on.  The tools range from rustic to crude, but they are put together with purpose and intent.  I started this process with an athame I made for myself…made from a humanely harvested wolf femur and fur and a recycled dagger blade.  It holds more magick than I can describe to you in this post.2014-05-06 17.05.50

 

I have those close to me who constantly pour their energy and magick into me.  I pour my energy and magick into them.  I expend a part of myself…daily, weekly, monthly.  When I give, I don’t do half-assed magick…just as they don’t do anything halfway.

There is a season coming.  I have been sitting on that egg…warming it…nurturing it for some time now.  This time, I have no qualms about saying, “It’s my turn!”

Blessed Be!

Incantations and Curiosities…

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Sticks and stones, fur and bones…

Serpents skin and feathers

Skull of crow and blackthorn’s stick,

Break the chains that tether.

 

Winds I engage to blow away,

Water drown it all…

In Earth it’s buried, deep and still.

Flames around it sprawl.

 

Mandrake, hellebore aconite…

Poison to the core

Raven’s wing and ground wasp’s sting

Drive away forevermore.

 

Lightning, Thunder, Wind and Rain…

Encircle me with power.

Wipe away those things that interfere

At my intention, cower.

 

With all my strength, I do push through

Evil’s held at bay.

Success and magick, all that’s good

Are now my life’s due pay.

 

Funny, just as I put that last line into the blog…the wind whips outside, thunder booms, and lightning flashes.  We were just hit with a gully-washer of a storm.  It always intrigues me, the things that take place when one is fed up.

This week has been a struggle.  Not just a struggle, but one of those weeks where it feels like you have someone standing next to you with the sharp end of a tack pointed toward you, poking you at any moment you find yourself peacefully resting.  I have been poke to the point of feeling raw and irritated and bruised.

I have been in an internship program at work now for three months.  I have pushed myself beyond my comfort levels….I have out-performed those who were years younger than me….I have watched the initial group go from eight to now two people.  Last week and tomorrow, we have been and will be going through assessments to see if we fit the positions available.  My gut feeling Friday told me that I did not do so well on the written part of that particular assessment…but then, I have never tested well.  Sit me down in front of the product and I can show you, with determined accuracy, the things that need to be done.  I have watched as one by one, those who did not perform well, were ushered out the door.

Those of you who are familiar with the Weathered Wiseman know that I am my own worst enemy, my own worst critic, and my harshest competitor.  I have beat myself over the head continually over the past week….I have given myself many more lashes than anyone else could ever deliver.2014-04-27 17.52.37

Last night, I went a friend’s house for a night of playing cards and drinking.  Funny how those who have known you the longest tend to pour sympathy over you…..”Well, you have been in worse spots.” “It isn’t like you haven’t worked hard.  You don’t have anything to worry about.”  It is also amazing how much of a difference a whole bottle and then some of wine will make.

There is always the tender, warm fuzzies that you get from witches when you are feeling sorry for yourself.  Encouraging? Yes.  Supportive?  Yes.  Warm fuzzies?  Yeah, not so much.  LOL!!  One friend, whom I treasure dearly and is always there for me…spoke harsh truth, “Go outside NOW!!  I am sending strength to you on the wind!!  GO OUTSIDE, NOW!!!  The Morrigan HAS SPOKEN!!!”  She knows better than anyone that I gather my strength from the elements….and of course as I stand outside, a strong coolish breeze wraps around me like a hug and a spanking all at once.  I realize that I am a stubborn witch…I also realize that most of the time, I need my ass kicked rather than kissed.

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Yesterday, during the day,  I was in such a funk that I sat inside all day long with the shades closed, cup of coffee in my hands, “Bewitched’ dvd’s in replay mode on the television.  The only thing missing was the big fuzzy robe and thumb sucking.  Friz didn’t know what to do with me. We didn’t go through our usual romp through the woods or pond.  We didn’t lie down in the leaves under the canopy of trees.  There was no backpack with candles, no skulls.  Just re-runs, coffee and chocolate….not even good chocolate.  We are talking Easter leftover chocolate bought on sale in the Kroger candy aisle.  At one point Friz climbed up my chest and looked at me eyeball to eyeball.  If he could have talked, it would have been, “Heifer, get off your butt and walk with me to our private place.  Take your magick stuff and you will feel better.”  Instead, I stayed in my lump until we went to play cards.2014-04-13 19.23.21 HDR

I woke up this morning a little more determined.  Friz did too.  This morning, he headed to the woods.  It was evident that he was going with or without me.  Luckily, I packed my backpack.  I didn’t realize that I had put everything that I could think of in it.  I took out the skulls and bones and stones and feathers and fur and as I addressed the directions and invited the elements in, I sat and quietly started to address my own self pity….my own feelings of inadequacy…my own feelings of depression.  I pulled out a small journal that my friend Jackie gave me and I wrote the spell that started this blog.

I know my own heart.  I know my strengths and abilities.  I know what I am capable of.  I know that I have poured all of my talent and knowledge and drive into this internship.  My only prayer to Lord and Lady is that those around me and those with the decision making power see that.  I have never given anything less than 100%, no matter what it involved.  I don’t do half-assed.  I am not without fault and not perfect, but I am who I am and I pour myself wholly into people and life.  One incident does not define me.

Peculiar…it takes a chihuahua, a handful of boisterous witches….and a bottle and a bit more of wine  to make me realize that the only time the magick won’t work is when I stop seeking it and expecting to see it all around me….and also realizing that it is working and all around me whether I see it and believe it or not.grey_wizard_2014_01_01_14_by_skydancer_stock-d70elsn

Blessed Be!

The Heart Beats Stronger in Springtime…

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I am sitting in the courtyard this afternoon with a glass of Chardonnay in my hand.  I have soft jazz music playing in the background as the soft cool breeze caresses the prickles of hair on my head.  It is afternoons like this one that make me miss my family most.

I remember many an afternoon like this one…seventy degrees, breezy, the smell of flowers attempting to bloom for the first time.  My whole family would gather in the backyard by the pasture and mama would make sweet tea.  We must have emptied gallons of that syrupy strong brew as we rocked back and forth on the porch swing solving all of life’s problems.  In many ways, life in that small town in North Carolina was very much like the Mayberry  that Andy Griffith made famous.  singalongs-porch-andygriffithshow-secretsofabelle

We would sit there, guitar in hand…each member of the family adding their own harmony to one of the old songs as the bass-string strum provided the background music.  The dogs would run through the pasture playing chase with the younger ones or with each other.  It was in that place that the world couldn’t touch us.  It was there that we didn’t care how much money we didn’t have or what we couldn’t afford.  It was in that place that my granny used to say that she could hear the grass, trees and sky singing at the top of their lungs.  Most of the ones who shared those front porch moments with me are gone now, but I can’t help but think that they are a part of the symphony I hear as I am captivated by the concert that only nature can give.

I have spent much of today out cleaning the winter debris from the courtyard…uncapping the pots from their toppings of leaves and old mulch.  It is much like unwrapping a present.  I get so excited to see the small shoots coming from my hostas, and the spindly little purple leaves from the spiderwort are already showing themselves.  Even as near that half a century mark, I am still amazed at all the work that the Earth Mother still does in her sleep state.

This morning as Friz and I ventured toward the woods, the sun was already wide awake to greet us.  I love watching that little blue chihuahua as the sun rays bathe his back.  He stretches into it….just like he would if he were being rubbed from head to toe.  This morning, he stretched his little face to the sun with his eyes closed and his teeth showing, almost like he was smiling.  You could almost hear him telling the sun that he missed him and was glad to see him back.  He walked over to one of the bunches of daffodils blooming by our neighbors door….just as I thought he was leaning in for a sniff, he raised his little leg and peed in them.2014-03-02 14.48.08

We took our time getting to the woods this morning.  We spent the extra moments admiring the blooming tulip trees and weeping cherry trees.  It has always been mesmerizing to me that, in Georgia, spring seems to come overnight.  One week it is brutally cold, then the next week we are in the seventies with flowers and trees blooming all around.

Last night was spent with the New Moon.  Even though much has happened over the past month, there are even more new beginnings looming in the horizon.  For the first time in a long long time, I feel as if things are coming together for me.  I am seeing more than the light at the end of the tunnel….I am seeing the smoke clear and the magick is now more vivid.  Not only am I seeing spells taking shape quicker…I am also seeing prayers and whispers that I have only shared with the wind coming to fruition.

This mornings workings were orchestrated with the sun as an ally.  The newness of the morning, the evidence of life abounding around me….we have now come out of the darkness and are given the promise that the sun and spring have spoken of all winter long.  I started this mornings magick with a brightly colored thin blanket underneath me and Friz.  I brought gifts of bread and cheese and fruit for the fae and the woodland elementals (Friz didn’t seem to mind a nibble here and there either).  We could hear the birds singing all around us, the leaves rustling in the breeze…but there was one voice singing loudly that will never be ignored–Mama Crow.  It seemed as if she was playing in the tops of the trees, dancing in the sunshine.The_sun1

As I lay there sprawled out under the canopy of trees with the sunlight dappled all over me, Friz found that one spot that the sunlight never seemed to leave and settled into it.  As he lay there warming himself, I could hear soft snores coming from that little blue heap.  Underneath me, I could feel the vibration of the earth.  Even with the chill left  from the night-time air, I could feel the stirrings underneath me.  It was almost like sitting through the warm up of the instruments from an orchestra…first, the strings, then the woodwinds, then the brass was added and finally percussion.  With the percussion came the feeling of a heart being jump started once again.  il_340x270.431970633_cz5w

I have found over the years that I never have to beg the Earth Mother for the ability to hear her heartbeat.  I do, however, have to be willing to be still and quiet enough to listen.  In the world outside our doors, we are expected to be businessmen and business women.  We are expected to be husbands, wives, mothers and fathers.  We listen to the world tell us over and over again that we don’t and never will measure up.  It is in those moments that I make myself stop and listen to the heartbeat of the Earth Mother.  I am not what the world thinks of as glamorous, fascinating or even beautiful….but when I am alone with the heartbeat of the Earth Mother in my ear, none of that really seems to be important at all.

As I finish writing this, I have turned off the music and am just sitting here snuggled into the cushions of the outdoor sofa listening to the sounds of the Earth Mother.  I finished that glass of wine ages ago and decided to go for a nice cold glass of sweet tea.  It’s funny, as I sit here humming along with nature, I can hear my granny and my two aunts harmonizing softly in the background.  Funny, nothing ever truly leaves you…those things that mean the most to us come back to visit just at the right times.  Come and sit down and pull up a cushion…here’s a glass of nice, cold sweet tea.  Harmonize with me a bit as we listen to the sounds of the world stopping for a moment…if only to allow us a second or two to just breathe.

Blessed Be!

Another Time and Another Place

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We’ve all had that feeling before – the feeling of being out of place in the surroundings we are in.  This feeling of “otherness” has been the inspiration for great poems, books, and songs.  Imagining how we would be if we were somehow dropped into another life can be potent fuel which stokes the fires of creativity.   I know that in the back of my mind, I would personally love to be the reincarnation of Merlin from King Arthur’s Court…I am quite satisfied that, in all probability, I lived the quiet life of the cunning man deep in the forest of the British Isles.

I have learned in my magickal studies that the soul or spirit is ongoing.  While I sit here writing in my 47 year old body….my centuries old spirit has seen many things that this mind can only dream of.  I know that for some, reincarnation is something you may or may not believe in, but how do we explain that certain knowing that we get when we put our feet down on a certain plot of land….or that feeling that comes with walking into a place we have never been, and yet, we feel perfectly at home.

This feeling of “otherness” that I referred to earlier, is particularly strong for me when I am deep in the woods.  Even when I have been hiking in the mountains, forests thick around me….completely unsure of where I am, all I have to do is put my hand on a tree or sit down in the dirt and I am at home.  I listen to what these friends tell me….these friends from hundreds of years ago….and I can find my way.

I have also encountered people who seem to be a constant in my ‘lives.’  There have been some friends who have come into my spiritual space….not needing a formal invitation or a fanfare.  They just belong there.  These are people whom I know I have shared my energy with in past times.  I believe that we have been allowed to walk forward into other planes of time as a comfort….an instigator…a cheerleader….and a strength to each other.

This is the person who you may have never met face to face….never touched or walked alongside….but you know them.  That comfort level….that trust…a continuation of spirit and energy from a time and place gone by.  It is the same spirit that is there when the wind blows against your face.  It is that same spirit that I feel when I hear the ‘Graaaaakk’ of Mama Crow.  I have known her spirit for eons.  It is that same spirit that comes to me in the form of a blue dog.  Friz now….before Friz, Sally….before Sally, Patches.

I am often given glimpses of those past associations in my dreams.  It is always one of those instances that you know it is much more than a dream…more than fantasy….but more memory.  I know, when I dream, that as I stand in the middle of those woods, hands outstretched and other sets of hands join mine, that they belong to  those that I have traveled lives and spiritual planes with before.

The magick associated with all of this cannot be expected to be anything less than powerful.  Life nowadays sometimes scares me.  When I am overtaken with those anxieties, I think on the things I must have survived (or not) before.  When I think on these things, it stirs resolve inside of me that I never before thought I had.  I tend to fret over the little things….the day-to-day crap that isn’t worth a piddly-fart.  I find, though, when it comes to the big stuff….the major crises that tend break the strongest people…that is when I dig my feet in, plant myself and push my magickal shield out with all the force I have.  It is also in those moments that I call on those I trust, to walk alongside of me.  When I feel those familiar hands joined with mine….that is when you see magickal sparks fly.harry-potter-and-the-deathly-hallows-part-2-preparing-for-battle-hogwarts-protective-spell-shield

It took a while for me to realize that the power inside me has been building for hundreds of years.  Lord and Lady have poured themselves into me since time began.  I have walked the forests and fields many times over with Cernunnos himself.  The moon and I are such good friends because we have been nurturing that friendship for centuries.  Wolf has been walking with me since his spirit came into existence…and Mama Crow has been there for many many lifetimes.

I don’t take those human counterparts for granted either.  The energy we share now is only a culmination of energies that have been coming together since the time of the ancients.   As we join that energy….we can’t even begin to fathom what is coming into being.  I look at the world around me.  It is my time to change it.  The power inside of me joined with the power of those heart brothers and sisters will set the world on its ear.  I don’t take the commission of the Gods and Goddesses lightly.  Change has been affected in me so that I may bring change to those people and places surrounding me.

Especially lately, magick has been coming out of my pores.  Always the magnificent result I want?  No. Always the magickal result I need?  Yes.

Hang onto your hats fellas!  It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

Blessed Be!

When Fear Becomes Faith

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This week has been a different kind of week.  I went in to work to find out that my roomie, who happens to work with me, was let go.  It seemed as if everyone around  was screaming and running around in circles.  “What will you do? How will you make it?  Where will the money come from?”  All questions, that indeed, one might expect to be running around my head….but instead, the big question….”How is he?”  I was determined that the bosses would not see reaction from me….isn’t that what was expected?  I hunkered down and did my job.  When I got home that day, I walked through the doors and was greeted with the question, “What will we do?”  I answered, matter of factly, “Whatever needs to be done.”  It was the first time in a very long time that I felt that much resolution well up inside me.

I have told you all before that, in my croning years, I have become somewhat of a worrier.  This was not the case years ago.  I used to welcome any challenges….the harder the better.  I used to thrive on change and uncertainty.  Is that what youth entails?  Do the young thrive on the unpredictable and the questionable?  No…..this is not a right awarded to the young.  This is a mantle placed on the strong of heart.

I left the condo especially early this morning.  As I placed my backpack on my shoulder and wrapped myself in the warmth of my cloak, the little dog at my feet waited for me to put him inside his hoodie.  He danced around me knowing that we were going to meet the morning sunrise on his terms.  I carried friends with me to the woods this morning….their spirits engraved in my spirit.

When we got to the woods, I set everything up.  I put the wolf skull and the crow skull into place….placed the candles on their respective sides and then brought out my abalone shell and my sage bundle.  As I lit the sage and started fanning it all around me, I closed my eyes and saw many of the dreams that have come to me through the week.  I know that so many have psychic abilities….I believe that one of my giftings comes when I sleep.  In the dream realm, I am able to see the spiritual….the magickal….and the powerful.

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The dreams I have been having this week involve me and two other male witches.  In most of  the dreams we are circled together in a catacomb setting….there are candles lit all around.  On a tree stump in the middle of us is a large leather bound book and our wands.  As we begin the ritual, light begins to glow around each of us….red around me, blue around the friend to my left and green around the friend to my right.  Each night the dream has gotten stronger with a more powerful energy encircling us.  The final dream had us in a wooded area…stump table in the middle….book and wands.  We took each others hands and began to chant.  As we chanted, the book and wands began to rise.  To the left, the friend is radiating blue light….to the right, the friend is radiating green light…..in the center, red light pours forth from me.  The light and energies swirl around us to combine into one large golden energy field.  We rise above the ground….flying in a circle in the midst of the trees.  We laugh as we move….by no effort of our own.  We know that there is a power there that none of us have ever experienced.  The final dream was last night.  As we rose into the air and spun with the forces of energy, a doe came into view.  She was snow white with a brilliant silver tuft of hair just in the center of her head.  Behind her was a buck….that same brilliant white with gold antlers and shimmering gold eyes.  Our eyes met and I recognized both and they recognized me.  It was obvious that they were both spirit beings.pg53

white-doe-2My dream life has been very active this week.  As I lay there in the leaves strewn across the floor of the woods, I could feel Friz rousing.  He either saw or heard something in the trees beyond us.  I looked up and saw a doe many feet from us.  I urged Friz to be quiet so that she would stay as long as possible…..I realized that we were there in the midst of magick.  At that moment, I called to the Lord of the Forest and waited for his energy to surround me.  As I heard the wind blowing through the trees and felt it moving around me, I knew that he was there.  The doe stood stock still staring at me and that little blue chihuahua for the longest time.  I called on the energy of the Horned One to fill me….to stir that pure wild energy that I longed for.  At that moment, the doe spooked and jumped and bounded off into the distance…..but at that moment, I could also feel the energy of the Horned One along with Wolf and Mama Crow.  I could feel something rising in my chest.  In that moment, I felt that little blue chihuahua bristle up and a strong and mighty “Buffff!” rose from deep inside of him.  I laughed  and rolled back onto the leaves and he jumped into the middle of my stomach.  Even he had felt the power.

I know that the next few weeks may bring challenges for me….but I also know that they will tap into a strength that only my connection with a power greater than I can bring.  I must never doubt the power that resides within me.  It is that power that the Lord and Lady join with to make the magick rise.  It is in that connection with others that makes me rise against whatever may come against me.

What do I feel now?  I feel peace.  I feel strength.  I feel power.  None of these shall ever desert me.  It is my choice whether to embrace them or leave them in the cauldron by the door.

Take my hands brothers and sisters.  Let us fly far beyond anything that will try to keep us from that magickal part of us that hungers to rise higher and higher until we are flying next to the moon.

Blessed Be!

Dream It Anyway

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This week, I was disillusioned a bit.  I guess I put the type of expectations on everyone else that I have for myself.  Sure, it disappoints me when others don’t seem to live up to those expectations, but you learn to live with it for the most part.

It has been a while since I have been through the scouting and interviewing process of job-hunting.  I had done everything that I was required to do.  I submitted my resume, got the reply that a phone interview was required, replied with my schedule and availability, and I waited.  I waited while my roommate got a reply to his reply….I waited and watched my roommate sit and wait by the phone at the scheduled time for the interview…I waited while my roommate went on to the gym because an hour and a half past the interview time, no one had called.

My roommate came to me Friday night.  “What’s wrong.” “Nothing.”  “Yes there is.  Are you feeling depressed?”  “No…..well…a little.  How can someone tell you that they are going to do something and then not do it?  So much magick was poured into this.”  “Are you doubting the power of magick?”  “No not at all.  I have no doubt that magick is real….I don’t know what I am questioning.”

My brain was racing…soaring….all over the place.  I went to bed Friday night and dreamed about my childhood.  Dreams and memories overtook every moment of sleep.  I remembered the moment when I found out that the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real.  That didn’t seem so much of a loss, but next came the demise of the Easter Bunny.  This revelation shook me a little more, considering that Easter is one of my favorite times of the year.  But when I was forced to take a good hard look at Santa…..lying comatose in the remnants of fantasy and glitter….it shook me to the core.  It shook me so much that I forced myself to ‘believe’ for two years longer for the ‘sake of my younger brother.’

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Those next two years were horrible for me.  The very foundation of my belief system was shaken.  Doubt replaced certainty.  If none of the magickal beings I had come to trust were real….then was magick, in itself, real?  I spent hours talking to my grandma about all of this.  I asked her how she was still able to hold fast to the legends and stories she was told as a young girl on the reservation.  I asked her how she was able to hold onto the belief in the power of all those spirits that were supposedly around us…especially when she couldn’t see them.  I still hold fast to the words that she spoke to me.  “Just because you can’t see the wind when it’s blowing through those trees…doesn’t make it any less real.  Just because you smell the rain before it gets there…doesn’t mean it isn’t coming.  Just because you can’t hear that tree talking….doesn’t mean it’s not talking.  Sometimes you have to dig deeper inside of you than you ever needed to dig before….just so you can see with your eyes closed.  All your life, people are going to tell you that you can’t do the things you know that you can.  It is your choice as far as what you believe.”2013-10-05 15.40.32

When I woke up this morning, I could feel my dreams still swirling inside my head.  I could hear my grandma’s voice echoing in my ears.  It was almost like having a dream hangover.  As I walked outside with Friz with the New Moon barely showing herself.  I wondered why I believed now as strong as I believe.  I realized that through this job-hunting episode, it wasn’t my belief in magick that was shaken….I think I have just grown even more weary of trying to excuse the bad personality flaws of others.  In any case, my feelings should have never gotten hurt over the fact that I was ‘overlooked.’

Friz and I set out with a mission this morning.  The woods were calling and we had a wand to pour energy into.  I also have a Facebook friend who is dealing with seizures and other medical issues who needs my energy more than that job.

We got into the woods and settled in under a tree.  We saw our little calico friend just a few feet from us.  I called on the spirit of Wolf and Crow.  I have never doubted that they would be there when I called.  My grandma always told me that whenever I needed my helpers, that they would be there.  I laid the wand between the two skulls and blew sage smoke over it.  I called to the Lord and Lady in behalf of the person the wand would be going to and in behalf of the friend battling illness.  It was at that moment that the wind came.  This wind was a familiar one.  My grandma was in this wind.  I smelled gardenia.  Her perfume always carried that heady essence of gardenia.  It pulsed around me, Friz and Beatrice.  Friz recognized this wind too.  He sat as if being told to do so….he licked at the air.  You see, my grandma was the first person he met after meeting me……we went straight to her house after picking him up.  She held him in the crook of her arm the whole time he was there.  She entertained  the kitten with scurrying leaves….my grandma never completely understood a cat.

It shouldn’t have shocked me that she would come to me in the wind.  She loved nothing more than the balmy breezes of summer and the crisp winds of Fall.  I asked her to bless the wand and to pour energy into it.  I talked to her about my friend.  It was as if I could hear her voice in each rustle of the leaves and could feel her quiet but mischievous strength.  I could hear her telling me….”Now remember, belief is all fine and good….you finally got that up under your belt.  Now it’s time to give those beliefs and dreams hands and feet.”  I could feel the kiss of the wind against my forehead as our time came to an end.  No sadness….just the feeling of hope that she always seemed able to leave me with.

Things are going to happen….I, as well as others, am going to screw things up.  Things aren’t always going to go the way I want them.  Dreams change and beliefs shift….but I intend to do the one thing she always told me to do…..”Dream it….Believe it anyway.  Who is gonna stop you?”

By Raven’s Wing and Deep Woods Song

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All week long, I have been dealing with the effects of aging.  I have noticed that as I read and as I work, that I am squinting more….things are blurrier than I am used to.  My eyes have grown so weary so quickly.  I love nothing better than sitting down with a nice cup of tea and a book…losing myself between the pages….throwing myself full-force into the lives of the characters.   This past week, I would read until the letters started blurring together and then put the book down….go on Facebook long enough to make a comment or three and then wait for alerts to buzz.  After I put my old friend back onto the bookshelf (and yes, to me, they become old friends) I make my way to the woods.

Thursday night was the night of the New Moon.  I had anticipated my time in the woods all day long.  I was excited because this was the night that I would be consecrating a wand that I made for a friend and my staff.  I have been working diligently on both for a few months now.  I had packed my altar materials in my old canvas backpack along with the wand.  I walked leaning on my staff…the first of many trips it would be taking with me.

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This trip to the woods would be made without my trusty little blue chihuahua.  I needed to be able to concentrate fully on what I was doing.  As I entered the edge of the woods, I heard that all too familiar caw.  To most, it would seem harsh and crass.  I have come to see it as a rough and raw melody.  I looked up and watched as Mama Crow flew above…I don’t think I had ever noticed how gracefully she winged her way from tree to tree and post to post.

I disappeared into the wooded grove and settled in amongst the trees and leaves and rocks that have become more than acquaintances lately…more like friends that I have known since the beginning of time.  It is true that the earth has its own spirit…its own heartbeat.  You can feel it in every part of it you touch.  I squatted down (not too gracefully) underneath a large maple.  I unpacked my candles and skulls and the wand.  I leaned my staff against this magnificent tree.  I knew that the energy from that tree would encircle and move within and around my staff.  I sat down cross-legged in front of it all and I started to breathe.  Just breathe.

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I closed my eyes.  It felt good to rest them.  I invited the elements and  the directions.  I called to Morrigan and to Cernunnos.  I held the wand up under the moon.  I whispered to her for her energy and her power to move from one end of the wand to the other.  I whispered another invitation for the energies to combine for my staff.  I felt the New Moon’s energy pouring over me.  I quieted my own spirit and just listened.  With my eyes closed, I could see stories that the moon had hungered to tell me.  I watched as colors swirled around inside of my closed eyelids.  It reminded me of sitting at the feet of my granny when I was a young’un.

As I sat there lost in the story-telling of the moon, I felt something brush against me.  Now, when you are by yourself in the woods and and it has just started getting dark, your mind goes to everything from snake to rat to skunk.  Just as I was preparing to sprint back to the condo, I heard a small little purring sound and felt something making biscuits in my lap.  I opened my eyes to see that little squirt of a calico kitten getting comfortable on me.  I could almost hear my granny cackling out loud about how a kitten could scare the Be-Jesus out of a big old fella.

After I had calmed down again and my breathing had slowed, I looked up through the trees.  There was a breeze rustling through the tops…you could feel the rhythm building…the music that comes when the earth and the heavens meet.  I stared at the moon and the stars and quietly whispered my favorite quote, “I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.”  Once again I could feel my dear friend pouring her light and energy down into the small circle.  I watched as the opal aura on the wand caught its light and danced with its energy.  The more I heard the purrs coming from my lap, the more I relaxed back into the energy of the earth.

I could feel my spirit familiars there with me….Crow and Wolf.  I could sense their protection and their magick.  I closed my eyes again and listened.  Just listened.  I listened with my spirit….with my heart….to the stories of when all the elements began…when the moon began to pour herself over the earth.  I listened to the stories of when Wolf and Crow came to be.  I knew that something wonderful and brand new was happening here…..something that I am probably not describing as best as I could here….but something that would completely and magickally intertwine with my spirit.  For the first time in so so long….I felt completely lost in the magick of the worlds and energies and spirits around me…..so completely bathed in a power that I could never harness or control.  I felt a part of the universe that I honestly believe that I haven’t tapped into yet.  It was a time for me when all that I worshiped and all that I held dear melded into one energy.  This energy poured itself onto me and my staff and the wand and this sleeping kitten.

I felt like I had been in the woods for days, but had only been there a couple of hours.  It was the feeling that Ebenezer Scrooge must have felt after the visits of the three spirits….it was hard to fathom that all that took place did so in that small amount of time.  I scooped up the kitten and held her in one arm as I packed everything up.  She yawned and stretched as she just sort of laid there hanging across my arm.  As I started off, I put her on the ground and she slowly walked out of the woods.  I now know which condo she lives in and that her name is Beatrice.  Her mom met me at the gate of her unit and laughed and said, “She sure does like to explore!”  I responded with, “She sure does.” and looked down to see if the little booger had looked up to wink at me.  The things that little one has experienced just in the few short months she has been around.

I slept like a rock that night.  The dreams I had were vivid.  I dreamed about the outdoors and fae and many many friends.  All I remember thinking as I crawled out of bed that morning was, “I need more nights like I had last night!”

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Blessed Be!

Shine On, Shine On Harvest Moon…..

Last night was a beautiful night. I started the evening doing all of those required partner things that one finds oneself doing in a relationship. I was ecstatic about the view of the moon I had. It was cloudy and hazy, but she was so bright, I could see her wherever I walked. I was so antsy. I wanted to hurry and get through the requirements (now don’t tell me I am the only one who has ever felt this way) just to get to spend some time under the moon.

When the evening was through and my partner was poured out in front of the bedroom television watching those recorded reality shows that he loves so much and the dogs and the roomie were all in bed…..I put on my clogs (not fashionable, but they get the job done) and I slipped out the door to the pond. I felt like I could breathe again. Sometimes it is really hard being a transplanted country boy in the city. I am used to acres of space, and sometimes living in the city makes me feel a little caged up. It seems, sometimes, that everywhere I look there are people within arms length. Now I am a very huggy, “not much personal space needed” type of guy, but sometimes I really just have to get out into the open and feel the breeze, the dirt, the water, the sun, the moon, and anything else not associated with people.

It felt a little different not having my little “witching” buddy with me. I am so used to Friz curling up in my lap in the morning hours, but he is one of those pups that does not like staying up past his bedtime. He will stand outside of the kennel when it is time to go to bed at night. He does love to sleep. I looked around to the edge of the trees and thought for a moment that I was going to be under the moonlight completely alone when I suddenly saw something slowly coming toward me. It was black and white cat. In my best Ollivander voice I laughed and said, “I wondered when I’d be seeing you, Mr. Potter.” Well, I thought it funny, but the cat didn’t seem amused.

I settled in under my old friend oak and I must have dozed off. I felt a cat tail rubbing against my face. I looked at my watch and saw that I had been out there for about an hour, so I figured I had better go get some sleep. I knew that a certain little blue chihuahua and his doxy sister would be waking me up bright and early this morning.

I thought a little about this…..we always charge our stones, crystals, tools out in the moonlight. Sometimes it is just ourselves that we need to charge. Just napping out there under that tree was so invigorating. Yes, it was hazy, but dear sweet Lady Luna was still able to reach through and pour her power over me. With those thoughts tickling through my brain, I bid black and white cat goodnight and assured him that I would be back in the morning with Friz and I plodded off to bed.

Bright and early this morning I heard those familiar little sniffs and grunts coming from the kennel. It is probably a good thing I can function on just a few hours sleep. My partner and I got up, got the pups and kits fed, then he and the doxy went back to bed while Friz and I made our way to the pond. I looked the sky over for my dear friend, Lady Luna. It was still hazy, but every so often she would come out from behind a cloud. She was so bright and it seemed as though I could reach out and touch her. I brought my wand and my cloak with me this morning for a little informal ritual. I wore my cloak out to the pond a couple of weeks ago….I didn’t think anything about it…until I heard one neighbor talking to another the next day. He was sure he had seen the grim reaper out by the pond and he swore he would never go in that direction again.

I settled in next to the oak and out of nowhere, my friend black and white cat appeared. I never even saw him come up. Friz was settled in my lap, so black and white cat figured that he would take his place beside him. Friz leaned over and licked him on the head and they snuggled in for the duration. From that position, I had to cast my circle and call on the directions and elements. The only way I can describe what happened next is to say it was like rocking back and forth in the most wonderful hammock you could find. A peace, a comfort came over the whole area. I began to sing out the names of friends and family that I know are in need. I watched as those needs floated effortlessly up to the moon. I listened as she whispered back into my ear.

We talked about autumn and everything it entails. Samhain, pumpkins, that wonderful briskness in the air that catches your breath in mid-stream. We talked about firelight and spirits and animals. Always we talk about the animals. I call on protection for those that don’t have homes and are hungry. I ask her to provide for those who aren’t provided for. I call on her for the needs of the wild ones who seem to be pushed farther and farther out of their own environments. I call on her for protection and healing in my own fur kids and the fur and feather kids of others I know. I am surprised by how many she continually brings to my remembrance….almost as if they are calling out, “Don’t forget me!” There is a donkey, and an old hound dog, cats that like to sleep in sinks, and cats that like to be in the midst of everything…I smile when I see them in my mind’s eye because I know the people with whom they are associated. She reminds me that I will be in the mountains again for Samhain. I will hold my supper out under the stars and the moon and tell granny that it is time to move on. As I close the circle and finish up, I feel the two little critters in my lap stirring. Yawns all around and black and white is gone in a flash. Friz and I slowly walk around the side of the pond and back up to the condo. He climbs up beside me and puts his belly out to rub. It’s as if he was saying, “I liked that. We need to do it again.”

Harvest moon shine down your light. Pour over us as we gather tonight. Your rays fill us with strength and power as we call upon you in this magickal hour. Dreams and visions for us to see. As I will so mote it be.

Blessed be, yáll!

Pouring Out the Magick

This morning I woke up with a sinus headache.  All I wanted to do was lie in bed with an ice pack on my face and whine.  It felt like a hundred elephants had decided to tap dance across my face and head.  In the kennel next to the bed, though, I could hear a familiar noise….a muffled little whine.  Barely audible, but I knew exactly who it was and what it meant.  There was a little blue chihuahua who knew that most weekend mornings meant a trip to the pond at the edge of the complex. 

Even though I felt like hammered poop, I dragged myself out of bed, fed him, suited him up in his sage green harness and we walked to the pond.  He was ecstatic.  There was a  playfulness in his nature that instantly made me feel better.  We sat under the tree and I saw the black and white cat coming from a distance.  He was padding softly but I could tell there was an excitement in his step (I had stashed some sardines in a baggie in my pocket before leaving).  Oooh I smelled to high heaven, as we say down south, but that cat was sure enjoying himself.  The blue chihuahua didn’t want anything to do with those stinky old fish. LOL!! 

We got comfortable under our good friend Oak and that spoiled little dog was in my lap before I could blink.  He wanted a good dose of Reiki massage.  Of course he knows I always bring a few stones and crystals with me for such an occasion.  He settled into it and let out a contented grunt.  As I am finishing up the massage, I look beside me and black and white cat is actually sitting right next to me, practically leaning against me.  I didn’t make any sudden movements, I just breathed in and out calmly. He was purring.  I noticed that I was feeling quite a bit better.

Something that has been circling my brain this week is the principle of investing in the magick of others.  I feel that Goddess has always given me a heart of compassion and generosity, but there is so much more.  I love to surprise friends of mine with gifts of stones and crystals, or if they have a need, trying to find a way to help them meet that need.  That lovely, lovely lady showed me this week that it can encompass so much more than that.  She gave me a few wonderful visions this week.  She showed me a cauldron, filled to overflowing with sparkling magickal swirling liquid.  The cauldron was then tipped over and the contents poured all over the courtyard.  Wherever the liquid touched, beautiful flowers leapt forward….and as the flowers bloomed, butterflies and fae appeared.  This magick reached throughout and even beyond my courtyard.  She showed me that it should be the same with me.  Whenever I pour magick forth for others, growth happens…not only in me but in them.  It allows the elements and all magickal beings to thrive in their lives.  All of this because I was willing to empty myself.

Another vision I was given was a vision of two hands closed.  There was so very evidently magick inside of those hands, but it was trapped inside.  It could not go anywhere or do anything.  When those hands were opened, that magick went flying everywhere….covering everything it touched with power.  It dawned on me that there is a reason that casting is done with open hands.  To release and send the magick forth. 

I then thought about a wonderful circle of friends that I have.  Each of us has our own special gifts.  Some are gifted in potions.  Wonderful fragrant cleansing potions.  Some are particularly gifted with tarot and shamanic magick. Some are gifted in garden magick and motherly wisdom.  Some are gifted in moon magick and energy work.  Some are gifted in weather witching and some in animal magick.  All of these things are necessary.  None is more or less powerful than the other.  We all benefit from what the other is capable.  We share, we laugh, we love.  It is like that ripple effect I spoke of last time. All it takes is one finger to stir the water.  That ripple affects everything else it comes in contact with.

I have found that if we keep all the magick and power we have to ourselves that we just become fat, contented witches that never move beyond the confines of our own circle.  There is a world out there with a lot of hurt.  So many have forgotten how to believe in magick.  It is not always about things like world peace.  Sometimes it is just letting that magick show so that someone else experiences that sparkle that they had forgotten exists.

A few years ago, there was a woman who I knew from back home.  She had become bored and tired of life as she knew it.  She was lamenting to me one afternoon close to the Christmas season about how life didn’t hold the magick that it held as a child.  Santa Claus had become a thing of the past and there was no fairy dust or anything that she remembered.  I told her she was wrong and then the wheels started spinning.  Over the next few weeks, I collected all kinds of toys and things from the Dollar store.  I got dolls and trains and stuffed animals.  I got a potted cedar tree and kept everything stored in my sun porch up until Christmas. 

Now, we lived deep in the sticks of the country and I happened to know that this woman would be with her family on Christmas Eve.  With her family’s help, I snuck into her house at Midnight and I decorated the front parlor.  I put the tree up with all those big lights that we had as kids.  I used popcorn for garland and big sparkling ornaments.  I put the train set around the base of the tree and the stuffed animals were all over the room with bows around their necks.  I decorated the fireplace and piano with greenery.  As I left, I gift-wrapped the door and put a sign on it that said, “Do Not Open Until Christmas.” I snuck out of the house and went home to bed.

I got a phone call the next morning really early.  She had gotten home and seen the door.  There was just enough child in her that she left it alone until Christmas morning.  I had to pull on a coat and get over there as quickly as possible.  When she opened the door, she started to cry…not sad  tears…but the tears of a child who has just gotten that final golden ticket.  She ran around the room and had to touch everything.  There was never a thought that I did all of that, but she knew that magick had visited her that Christmas and to this day she still believes in that magick.  That same day, she made Christmas wonderful for some beautiful children in need.  She took all of those toys to the local homeless shelter and let those kids see the magick also.

It doesn’t take something so elaborate, though, to share that magick that flourishes within you.  All it takes is seeing the need and putting forth the magickal effort to find a way of meeting that need….whether it is with energy or whatever you can do.  It also isn’t about just the needs of people.  What about that stray cat that you have seen in the neighborhood?  Or that couple that just got a new puppy and don’t know where to begin?  Or what about that friend who just hasn’t felt like herself over the past few weeks? 

Sometimes the magick isn’t contained in a potion bottle.  Sometimes it isn’t a chant that is spoken like thunder into the wind.  Sometimes that magick is you.

When you feel like it the least is when the Goddess can use you the most.  When you are your emptiest is when she can fill you to overflowing.  You are the most magickal thing she has ever created.  Blessed Be!