Dream It Anyway

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This week, I was disillusioned a bit.  I guess I put the type of expectations on everyone else that I have for myself.  Sure, it disappoints me when others don’t seem to live up to those expectations, but you learn to live with it for the most part.

It has been a while since I have been through the scouting and interviewing process of job-hunting.  I had done everything that I was required to do.  I submitted my resume, got the reply that a phone interview was required, replied with my schedule and availability, and I waited.  I waited while my roommate got a reply to his reply….I waited and watched my roommate sit and wait by the phone at the scheduled time for the interview…I waited while my roommate went on to the gym because an hour and a half past the interview time, no one had called.

My roommate came to me Friday night.  “What’s wrong.” “Nothing.”  “Yes there is.  Are you feeling depressed?”  “No…..well…a little.  How can someone tell you that they are going to do something and then not do it?  So much magick was poured into this.”  “Are you doubting the power of magick?”  “No not at all.  I have no doubt that magick is real….I don’t know what I am questioning.”

My brain was racing…soaring….all over the place.  I went to bed Friday night and dreamed about my childhood.  Dreams and memories overtook every moment of sleep.  I remembered the moment when I found out that the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real.  That didn’t seem so much of a loss, but next came the demise of the Easter Bunny.  This revelation shook me a little more, considering that Easter is one of my favorite times of the year.  But when I was forced to take a good hard look at Santa…..lying comatose in the remnants of fantasy and glitter….it shook me to the core.  It shook me so much that I forced myself to ‘believe’ for two years longer for the ‘sake of my younger brother.’

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Those next two years were horrible for me.  The very foundation of my belief system was shaken.  Doubt replaced certainty.  If none of the magickal beings I had come to trust were real….then was magick, in itself, real?  I spent hours talking to my grandma about all of this.  I asked her how she was still able to hold fast to the legends and stories she was told as a young girl on the reservation.  I asked her how she was able to hold onto the belief in the power of all those spirits that were supposedly around us…especially when she couldn’t see them.  I still hold fast to the words that she spoke to me.  “Just because you can’t see the wind when it’s blowing through those trees…doesn’t make it any less real.  Just because you smell the rain before it gets there…doesn’t mean it isn’t coming.  Just because you can’t hear that tree talking….doesn’t mean it’s not talking.  Sometimes you have to dig deeper inside of you than you ever needed to dig before….just so you can see with your eyes closed.  All your life, people are going to tell you that you can’t do the things you know that you can.  It is your choice as far as what you believe.”2013-10-05 15.40.32

When I woke up this morning, I could feel my dreams still swirling inside my head.  I could hear my grandma’s voice echoing in my ears.  It was almost like having a dream hangover.  As I walked outside with Friz with the New Moon barely showing herself.  I wondered why I believed now as strong as I believe.  I realized that through this job-hunting episode, it wasn’t my belief in magick that was shaken….I think I have just grown even more weary of trying to excuse the bad personality flaws of others.  In any case, my feelings should have never gotten hurt over the fact that I was ‘overlooked.’

Friz and I set out with a mission this morning.  The woods were calling and we had a wand to pour energy into.  I also have a Facebook friend who is dealing with seizures and other medical issues who needs my energy more than that job.

We got into the woods and settled in under a tree.  We saw our little calico friend just a few feet from us.  I called on the spirit of Wolf and Crow.  I have never doubted that they would be there when I called.  My grandma always told me that whenever I needed my helpers, that they would be there.  I laid the wand between the two skulls and blew sage smoke over it.  I called to the Lord and Lady in behalf of the person the wand would be going to and in behalf of the friend battling illness.  It was at that moment that the wind came.  This wind was a familiar one.  My grandma was in this wind.  I smelled gardenia.  Her perfume always carried that heady essence of gardenia.  It pulsed around me, Friz and Beatrice.  Friz recognized this wind too.  He sat as if being told to do so….he licked at the air.  You see, my grandma was the first person he met after meeting me……we went straight to her house after picking him up.  She held him in the crook of her arm the whole time he was there.  She entertained  the kitten with scurrying leaves….my grandma never completely understood a cat.

It shouldn’t have shocked me that she would come to me in the wind.  She loved nothing more than the balmy breezes of summer and the crisp winds of Fall.  I asked her to bless the wand and to pour energy into it.  I talked to her about my friend.  It was as if I could hear her voice in each rustle of the leaves and could feel her quiet but mischievous strength.  I could hear her telling me….”Now remember, belief is all fine and good….you finally got that up under your belt.  Now it’s time to give those beliefs and dreams hands and feet.”  I could feel the kiss of the wind against my forehead as our time came to an end.  No sadness….just the feeling of hope that she always seemed able to leave me with.

Things are going to happen….I, as well as others, am going to screw things up.  Things aren’t always going to go the way I want them.  Dreams change and beliefs shift….but I intend to do the one thing she always told me to do…..”Dream it….Believe it anyway.  Who is gonna stop you?”

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The Simpler Ways

winter sunrise

As I sit here writing this post tonight, it is really difficult believing that Yule is upon us…..Atlanta is not known for its winter-like conditions. Today was warm and pleasant out. Nothing would have led anyone to believe that winter was weaving its magick around us.

I spent the day at the mall with my partner Christmas shopping. He is not pagan, so we celebrate the holidays with many different traditions woven together. The mall during the holidays has got to be my least favorite place to be. Contrary to popular belief, people do not seem to get nicer….but you see impatient, rude, ill-behaved folks growling and spitting at the sales associates and each other. This is why I decided that, for myself, this year needed to take on simpler ways.

We put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving. This is a way for us to bring the outside in. We adorn the buffet and anything that doesn’t move in greenery. This year, we decided that the lights on the tree needed to be reminiscent of our childhood. We incorporated the large colored lights in amongst white lights into the decorations. The decorations essentially became anything that would reflect light. Each year I take the time to explain to those in our household that Winter Solstice and Yule are celebrations to welcome back the light into our homes and lives. As the tree glimmers against the darkness outside, it is such a magickal feeling telling the stories of the Oak King and the Holly King and the coming forth of the Horned One. With the emergence of the Horned One, comes the rebirth of the Sun.tree

This year, my promise to myself was to avoid getting so wrapped up in the doing, doing, doing and just to enjoy the moments around me. To embrace the “now,” so to speak. I have decided that the gifts that I give will be hand-made or activity gifts…..things that will get us out into nature.

One of the gifts that I will be giving my partner is a romantic couples horseback ride that ends in a pastoral setting with wine. For those friends closest to me in the Craft, I will be making amulets that carry Wolf energy and the energy of the Horned One. This year is about bringing nature and energies together to bless those I love. 379507_10150593745917656_631665278_nSanta, to me, represents all that is good in human nature. He reminds me that somewhere deep inside people is a desire to help and guide others. He encompasses those traits that I see in Lord and Lady, and reminds me that we need to take care of those who need it….especially the animals. This time of year is a time of commitment for the present and for the New Year for our household…..always making sure that we give to nature and to those beings in nature. The holidays are always for hanging suet and making sure that there is food and warmth for those that need it. The feral cats around here get boxes with blankets placed inside just outside the courtyard.

I guess the biggest promise I have made in this holiday season is to give more of me. I realize that this can sound a little egotistical….but what I mean is that I choose to be actively present with those I am around. This includes the elementals and the Lord and Lady and all the animal spirits. I got a wild lesson from the fae this weekend. I let myself get a bit too busy and I haven’t talked to them as much in the past month. On Friday night, my roommates keys disappeared. We tore the house apart. They were nowhere to be found. We looked in most places two and three times. A friend suggested it was the fae….it made me think. Another said that they were under a stack of mail…this made me wonder. Yesterday…late afternoon, he found his keys hidden under a stack of mail that we had looked under and through several times. So last night, late, I went and spent some time with the fae in the courtyard. I sang and listened as I heard the whispers in the breeze…watched the leaves rustle.

As we get closer to Yule, I tap deep into myself…..I pull on the energies of those who move deep inside my spirit. The wolf, who is a path finder, a bringer of new ideas returning to the people to deliver teachings and to allow us to learn and participate in knowing our heritage and spiritual path, sharing good medicine. There is Crow who is the keeper of magick and those things sacred and is the messenger. Hawk brings foresight and perspective. Last but not least is Owl…who is all seeing and holds wisdom.

These are the things I long to carry into the new year and wish that I could impart to you. I would love to take away the regret and hurts of the past and the anxiety and fear of the future and teach you to hold onto the magick that you have in your hands right now….in this moment. To show you the spirit of the Goddess in you. To walk hand in hand with the fae and the elements and to be able to dance with the moon.

When I lived on the farm, life was very basic. You did what was needed when it was needed. When I moved to the city, I was a bit overwhelmed. Stress was introduced. It takes work on a daily basis to reconnect with nature and elementals and animal spirits. I am learning, thanks to those mentioned and the hands of the Lord and Lady, to enjoy and be present with them. The gifts they have given me for Yule is teaching me to be….just be. It can be that simple.

Blessed Yule!379859_10150582335272656_1778153051_n

Pouring Out the Magick

This morning I woke up with a sinus headache.  All I wanted to do was lie in bed with an ice pack on my face and whine.  It felt like a hundred elephants had decided to tap dance across my face and head.  In the kennel next to the bed, though, I could hear a familiar noise….a muffled little whine.  Barely audible, but I knew exactly who it was and what it meant.  There was a little blue chihuahua who knew that most weekend mornings meant a trip to the pond at the edge of the complex. 

Even though I felt like hammered poop, I dragged myself out of bed, fed him, suited him up in his sage green harness and we walked to the pond.  He was ecstatic.  There was a  playfulness in his nature that instantly made me feel better.  We sat under the tree and I saw the black and white cat coming from a distance.  He was padding softly but I could tell there was an excitement in his step (I had stashed some sardines in a baggie in my pocket before leaving).  Oooh I smelled to high heaven, as we say down south, but that cat was sure enjoying himself.  The blue chihuahua didn’t want anything to do with those stinky old fish. LOL!! 

We got comfortable under our good friend Oak and that spoiled little dog was in my lap before I could blink.  He wanted a good dose of Reiki massage.  Of course he knows I always bring a few stones and crystals with me for such an occasion.  He settled into it and let out a contented grunt.  As I am finishing up the massage, I look beside me and black and white cat is actually sitting right next to me, practically leaning against me.  I didn’t make any sudden movements, I just breathed in and out calmly. He was purring.  I noticed that I was feeling quite a bit better.

Something that has been circling my brain this week is the principle of investing in the magick of others.  I feel that Goddess has always given me a heart of compassion and generosity, but there is so much more.  I love to surprise friends of mine with gifts of stones and crystals, or if they have a need, trying to find a way to help them meet that need.  That lovely, lovely lady showed me this week that it can encompass so much more than that.  She gave me a few wonderful visions this week.  She showed me a cauldron, filled to overflowing with sparkling magickal swirling liquid.  The cauldron was then tipped over and the contents poured all over the courtyard.  Wherever the liquid touched, beautiful flowers leapt forward….and as the flowers bloomed, butterflies and fae appeared.  This magick reached throughout and even beyond my courtyard.  She showed me that it should be the same with me.  Whenever I pour magick forth for others, growth happens…not only in me but in them.  It allows the elements and all magickal beings to thrive in their lives.  All of this because I was willing to empty myself.

Another vision I was given was a vision of two hands closed.  There was so very evidently magick inside of those hands, but it was trapped inside.  It could not go anywhere or do anything.  When those hands were opened, that magick went flying everywhere….covering everything it touched with power.  It dawned on me that there is a reason that casting is done with open hands.  To release and send the magick forth. 

I then thought about a wonderful circle of friends that I have.  Each of us has our own special gifts.  Some are gifted in potions.  Wonderful fragrant cleansing potions.  Some are particularly gifted with tarot and shamanic magick. Some are gifted in garden magick and motherly wisdom.  Some are gifted in moon magick and energy work.  Some are gifted in weather witching and some in animal magick.  All of these things are necessary.  None is more or less powerful than the other.  We all benefit from what the other is capable.  We share, we laugh, we love.  It is like that ripple effect I spoke of last time. All it takes is one finger to stir the water.  That ripple affects everything else it comes in contact with.

I have found that if we keep all the magick and power we have to ourselves that we just become fat, contented witches that never move beyond the confines of our own circle.  There is a world out there with a lot of hurt.  So many have forgotten how to believe in magick.  It is not always about things like world peace.  Sometimes it is just letting that magick show so that someone else experiences that sparkle that they had forgotten exists.

A few years ago, there was a woman who I knew from back home.  She had become bored and tired of life as she knew it.  She was lamenting to me one afternoon close to the Christmas season about how life didn’t hold the magick that it held as a child.  Santa Claus had become a thing of the past and there was no fairy dust or anything that she remembered.  I told her she was wrong and then the wheels started spinning.  Over the next few weeks, I collected all kinds of toys and things from the Dollar store.  I got dolls and trains and stuffed animals.  I got a potted cedar tree and kept everything stored in my sun porch up until Christmas. 

Now, we lived deep in the sticks of the country and I happened to know that this woman would be with her family on Christmas Eve.  With her family’s help, I snuck into her house at Midnight and I decorated the front parlor.  I put the tree up with all those big lights that we had as kids.  I used popcorn for garland and big sparkling ornaments.  I put the train set around the base of the tree and the stuffed animals were all over the room with bows around their necks.  I decorated the fireplace and piano with greenery.  As I left, I gift-wrapped the door and put a sign on it that said, “Do Not Open Until Christmas.” I snuck out of the house and went home to bed.

I got a phone call the next morning really early.  She had gotten home and seen the door.  There was just enough child in her that she left it alone until Christmas morning.  I had to pull on a coat and get over there as quickly as possible.  When she opened the door, she started to cry…not sad  tears…but the tears of a child who has just gotten that final golden ticket.  She ran around the room and had to touch everything.  There was never a thought that I did all of that, but she knew that magick had visited her that Christmas and to this day she still believes in that magick.  That same day, she made Christmas wonderful for some beautiful children in need.  She took all of those toys to the local homeless shelter and let those kids see the magick also.

It doesn’t take something so elaborate, though, to share that magick that flourishes within you.  All it takes is seeing the need and putting forth the magickal effort to find a way of meeting that need….whether it is with energy or whatever you can do.  It also isn’t about just the needs of people.  What about that stray cat that you have seen in the neighborhood?  Or that couple that just got a new puppy and don’t know where to begin?  Or what about that friend who just hasn’t felt like herself over the past few weeks? 

Sometimes the magick isn’t contained in a potion bottle.  Sometimes it isn’t a chant that is spoken like thunder into the wind.  Sometimes that magick is you.

When you feel like it the least is when the Goddess can use you the most.  When you are your emptiest is when she can fill you to overflowing.  You are the most magickal thing she has ever created.  Blessed Be!