Transitioning Back Into the Magick Within Us

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Tonight is two nights after Samhain.  This year, Samhain brought in cold and howling winds and rain.  As I communed with my ancestors, I listened intently as the wind hammered against the side of the condo.  The trees whipped back and forth.  One could feel the cold prying its fingers in through the window sills.  It reminded me of an old quote from Mary Poppins,

Winds from the East…Mist coming in

Like something’s a brewing, about to begin

Can’t put my finger on what lies in store…

But I feel what’s to happen, all happened before!

In the new year that is coming upon us, it seems that my theme is to be slowing down.  I am one of those people who, if not careful, will allow myself to become a frenzy of work and home life and everything else in between.  Most of my life is lived at full tilt…just like most other people.  Ever have those weeks when magick can become an afterthought?

I love the quote at the start of the blog.  We let life on a daily basis push magick away from us.  We let circumstances and emotions push the magick all the way to the back of our minds.  Then when everything else seems exhausted, we think, “Oh yeah, I am a witch.”  Shall I raise my hands, wave them about and scream ‘Guilty’ at the top of my lungs?

Last week, I spent the majority of my time nursing a sprained ankle.  Last night, I ended up in the emergency room because when I drifted off to sleep, moments later I would awaken myself gasping for air.  I amaze myself sometimes.  I am the first to send healing, Reiki, or any other magick to anyone else…but I tend to lose my brain and any magickal abilities when it comes to myself.  Thinking back on it…if I had just stopped, calmed myself and done some Reiki and magick combined, I would have been fine.

Well, the diagnosis came back just as me and the doctor suspected.  I am fat.  I am sedentary.  I don’t exercise enough.  His solution?  Lose weight.  Exercise…walk.  Get outside more.  I laughed out loud.  My medically, scientific minded doctor was telling this nature-loving witch that he needs to be outside more.  He asked if I had a dog that I could take on long walks in the brisker fall air.  I told him I did and that we normally take short morning walks.  He asked my habits.  After reluctantly admitting that I am mostly a couch potato, my doctor looked at me, laughed out loud and said matter-of-factly, “You have become far to domesticated.”

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Domesticated?  I became a bit indignant.  I have always considered myself a bit of a wild man.  I am not like the ones in the earlier quote.  I am not domesticated.  After I pushed past my hurt feelings, I started thinking to myself…”When was the last time you ran through the woods or outside?  When is the last time you were able without gasping for air?  When is the last time you let a youthful sparkle shine from your eyes?  When was the last time that child-like wonder escaped from you with the sharp intake of breath that comes from seeing magick happen up close and personal?”

After arriving back home, I sat and thought about a game plan.  The doctor and I agreed that organic, healthy eating habits would be best.  Lean proteins, lots of green leafy veggies and plenty of fruits and nuts would help to get my body functioning more normally.  Exercise…such an ugly word.  Thankfully we are heading into the darker months of the year…this time of year is an energizer for me.  I function better in briskness and cool.  Mine and Friz’s walks are going to have to become longer….he will be more than happy.  He pulls constantly when we walk…as if he knows that I need to expend more energy…as if urging me to move more.

My dear friend Cindy posted a photo on her Facebook page.  This photo said, “November s the month of transformation.  It is time to prepare for the coming winter and a time to strengthen communication.”  My preparation is to be more brisk walks….music that inspires magick penetrating my headphones…a chihuahua for motivation…and healthy, delicious foods.  It is time for re-teaching.  It is time to listen to the heart of the Morrigan…there is a battle waging inside me now.  It is up to me.  I want to encourage that wild part of my spirit to surface…that heart of wolf who runs with the wind…that heart of crow who flies higher and higher.  2014-11-02 15.33.57

As the earth goes to sleep, it is my time to listen to my body, my heart and my spirit.  I sat in the woods this morning huddled in my cloak, Friz tucked underneath with my personal sized Book of Shadows in my hands (it is kind of like my ‘spells on the go’ book).  I am sitting there trying to write a spell to accomplish what I want accomplished.  Maybe it was writer’s block…maybe I was thinking too hard.  I decided to take a hint from my most magickal little blue dog.  I raised my head, nose to the wind.  I could smell the leaves around me….the cold tickled my nose.  It was exhilarating!

Leaves swirl around me with abandoned delight…

My breath hangs in front of me here in my sight.

As the earth darkens around me, seeds of growth sown

New beginnings, new disciplines, a new heart will be shown.

Magickal workings encompass me round…

I listen and act so that blessings abound.

My body and mind and my spirit align…

Victory, health and prosperity are mine.

By word and action and now by deed,

As I will, so mote it be.

As if on cue, I hear Mama Crow behind me.  I look up and there she sits, looking down at me.  She offers that guidance I seek.  She flies.   Reminding me that I need to always remember to do the same.  Friz and I head back home, we wrap ourselves in a blanket on the sofa and ‘rest our eyes.’

Later today I read my dear Maluna’s posting:

Man changes our clocks.  Animals and some of us listen to our bodies….never mind human reasoning…it is what it is….Moon up…leaves down…I look at the positive….more time to see and spend with the silver globe of light….Full moon this week….work for healings, positive change for some….with the swirl of the holidays upon us…the temptations of wondrous delicacies…it’s time to take charge of your body…your eating habits….. bundle up and get outside…walk, yoga, dance…clean house…(yes it burns calories)….incorporate fruits and veggies in your diet of comfort food…and yesssss we all want the hearty, heavy creamy stuff….just balance with nutrition also. Excellent few days to put this program into motion…many depend on you…be healthy, for yourself…and those who love you! Now….go dance under that glorious moon…she’ll always dance along with you! BB

 

So here we go!  Blessed Be!

 

 

 

 

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Embracing the Shadows

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Growing up, I was such a skittish child.  Everything that you could think of scared me.  I was scared of the dark…I was scared of unknown places…I was scared of pretty much everything that I love and embrace now.

This week, I stepped into a place that I haven’t been in a long, long while.  I stepped into my darker self.  That place where all the things that I don’t like about myself reside.  It is a place much like the pensieve that Dumbledore has in his office in the movie, “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.”  It is that place where I put the thoughts and feelings that tend to crowd my mind…the things that ‘don’t fit’ what everyone expects me to be.  That is where most of my anger and hurt and confusion and melancholy go.  After all, witchcraft is all about love and light, right?

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I have found that witchcraft in many ways is exactly like the churches I left behind so many years ago.  We have tried so hard to keep from being a ‘traditional’ religion, that we adopt all of the practices and symptoms.  We are so embracing, but we are the first to ridicule Christian holidays and the meanings that they have placed behind them.  Unfortunately, that move from tradition means that we expect everything around us to sparkle and gleam…..clean of all the sediment that life can throw at us.

The fact that a lot of this week was overcast and drizzly may have contributed to my ‘darker’ side coming to surface.  In describing what I have felt, I like the term that I heard a friend use a few years ago…he described it as his “shadow self.”  In looking at it, that is a more accurate description.  It isn’t dark or evil, it is just that part of myself that I am not completely comfortable sharing or seeing.  It is that part of us that is hidden away until it becomes too restless to hide anymore.  It is that annoying relative that comes bursting through the door during holidays who doesn’t really fit the family dynamic.  The fear of the ‘shadow self’ comes from being afraid that we will see who we really are…or a part of us we never wanted to see to begin with.catwolf-shdw

It is in these moments that I must access the Morrigan.  It is in those moments, more than any, that I need the strength for the journey…that need for change. It is in those moments that I have to remember that the shadows aren’t bad or evil….the shadows are just those parts of me that I have become uncomfortable with…that don’t fit with my everyday life.  It is in those times that I go into myself.  It is in those times that I have learned to access the shadows to create…to make the tools for the Craft that I need and that I feel others may need.

It seems that in those moments, I hear wolf clearer than any of my spirit guides.  I hear his low howl moving higher….addressing that brooding, melancholy part of my spirit.  It is also in these times that things come to me when needed.  I have a friend who constantly forages the woods around her.  She constantly finds animal bones and parts…..and she knows that I call on those spirits, so anytime she finds anything related to wolf, she sends it to me.  I bless the bones or fur just in case the animal met with a violent end…sending it peacefully into the summerlands.

I have been wanting an athame for a long, long time, but could never find one that suited me.  Last week in the mail, I received two beautiful wolf femurs and some fur.  I have decided to use these to make my own athame.  She also sent me the toe bones.  I will use those to create runes.  It is honoring the dead animal and pulling on that energy that I have felt all last week, plus it is becoming a tool for the Craft that I love so much.

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As I walked to the woods this morning, I could hear Mama Crow behind me.  I have learned that where one goes, the other always follows.  Friz has gotten used to her.  Her loud caws don’t even rattle him anymore.  As we got closer to the woods, I have to admit that a part of me looked around to see if the Green Wizard had shown up, but there was another part of me that knew we would not see each other today.

I settled into the damp shaded area of the woods that I always went to.  I could smell the wet, mildewed and rotting smell of leaves left from the fall.  I settled in and pulled the skulls from my backpack along with candles and herbs and stones.  As I lit the candles and welcomed the elements and spirits, I could feel my shadow self lurking behind me….always pacing at the edges of everything…never fully becoming a part.  I invited that part of myself into the circle.  It was in that moment that I was overtaken with every emotion it represented.  Instead of fighting to confine that piece of me….the darker parts of me, I found that those parts were just as powerful and just as necessary as the ‘love and light’ part of me.  I found that just as with intention, that it is all in the direction….it is all in the movement and force that you give your shadow self.  I won’t allow that part of me to rule me, but it isn’t fair to try and put it away so I don’t have to deal with it either.  It can actually be a valuable asset in energy work and other magick.  Power/Magick/Energy is only dangerous when the heart of the user is not seeking the betterment of those things around him or her.

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I had a dream Friday night.  In that dream, my whole family shared a large Victorian house.  The house was an ancestral home. In the dream, my mom and aunt were witches too.  We were guarding the home against some force.  I had taken Friz (the chihuahua) and Bella (the dachshund) and the cats, along with Bella’s puppies (she is spayed) into a room, and magickally sealed the room with a protective charm.  My aunt put all the family (including my partner) into a room and sealed it with a protective ice spell.  My aunt, my mom and me were the only ones left to guard the house. We had a tower of green ancestral candles  in the main room.  Ma sat on the sofa, my aunt was by the fireplace and I was by the door.  A tornado-like force came at the house.  It was my grandma (who is dead) flying in through the fireplace.  She told us that we needed to be prepared, strong and ready to fight for all that we knew was true.  Ma summoned all the fae around the house and told them to go outside and stand guard.  We all took our stations and with hands raised, we pushed and shielded against something akin to a hurricane.  I remember vividly feeling the sweat form on my forehead.  As we pushed forward we could feel the force weaken.  We gave one final push and felt the force break.  We looked around and could see that we were all disheveled, but knew that victory had been won.

Victory is always ahead…..it is in accessing every part of ourselves and knowing to continue to push.

Blessed Be!

Riding the Brakes and Rubbernecking

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Over the past few days, it has been raining off and on here in Atlanta.  I am not fond of driving in Atlanta traffic in the rain.  Wait….that may be a tad understated….I loathe driving in Atlanta traffic in the rain. 

I am not one that speeds.  I typically drive within the speed limit…but that is just it.  I drive.  Here in Atlanta, when it rains, most of the population ride their brakes.  On the way to work this morning, it did not matter which lane I got in, the person in front of me rode their brakes the whole way…then when someone rearended another brake-rider, traffic came to a dead halt so that every car passing could rubberneck.  I never understood that either.  It isn’t like you really know that person or really intend to stop and help. 

Of course, this got my brain reeling.  How often, in our own lives, do we “ride the brakes?”  We let fear of the unknown or the opinions of other people dictate how we live our lives.  Personally, it would be really easy, as a witch, for me to live my life that way.  I mean, who wants to deal with people thinking that you are just a few bricks shy of a load because you “stir energy,” or “believe in fairies?”  On a daily basis I deal with raised eyebrows and giggles when I don’t behave the way that the world around me does.

I remember when I “came out of the broom closet” to my partner.  I just knew that he was going to laugh at my spiritual practices or he was going to lump me in the category of the Sanderson Sisters from Hocus Pocus.  The relief that flooded over me when he told me that he was fine with whatever I believed or did because it was what made me, me.  Fear had tried to put the Craft on the backburner, but truth made the magick flourish.

Riding the brakes can go another direction also…in today’s society, it is far too easy to become buried by day to day activities and troubles.  I am as guilty of this as the next person.  Back in October, I was told by my doctor to decrease my stress….yeah, ok, right.  I live with two gay men who apparently know no other name in the household when it comes to resolving issues.  I have four pets…end of that sentence.  I have a job that changes constantly with more and more requirements each week….and even with the lifestyle change that I have undertaken, I am obese. 

Many days and nights, it takes everything I have just to spend a few minutes in meditation or in the great outdoors.  I put my foot through the floor board to try to get the world to slow down around me.  If only my memory weren’t too short.  If only I could remember that it is in the meditation and in the time outdoors that I am renewed.  If I could just stop twisting my neck out of joint trying to see what everybody around me was doing and concentrate on what is going on right in front of me there might be a better flow.537393_193957130744475_2044726616_n

I read the above quote on Facebook a couple of weeks ago and it struck me as profound.  If you think about it, when you feel disheartened, dispirited and depressed….that is when you need your spirit stirred the most.  Dancing gets your circulation going.  When you put your whole self into the dance…when you feel it down to the soles of your feet…it brings life back to the body.  If you are like me, when you sing, it comes from the deepest part of your being.  Singing moves my spirit like nothing else…that is when raw emotion touches every fiber of my heart.  Stories….I love a good Fairytale.  It makes the brain race forward and the imagination take you on exciting journeys.  Silence helps us to feel ourselves….truly feel who we are.  It allows us to touch our own souls.

I will add one more to this list.  Make a little magick.  This doesn’t have to be some elaborate ritual.  Just do something.  For the kitchen witch it may be as simple as whipping up a delicious treat, for the craft witch making something cute and simple, for the garden witch digging in the dirt might do it.  Remember….it is in the intention.  If you do something with the knowledge and intent that what you are doing is magickal…..the worlds will open up before you!  Trust me….I have been fortunate enough to be shown the magick in a simple walk.  If you see yourself as ordinary, you will be ordinary.  If you see yourself as the wonderful witch, wizard, or alchemist you are….then guess what??  You will see magick unfold right before your eyes.  After all, believing is seeing.2012-08-24 14.51.02

I have had to think today about what makes me put on the brakes and stare out at what others have crashed into.  So many things try to distract me.  It is time for me to lose the distractions, put my foot on the gas and move forward….Can I help it if magick sparkles fly out of the tailpipe?

Blessed Be!

Pouring Out the Magick

This morning I woke up with a sinus headache.  All I wanted to do was lie in bed with an ice pack on my face and whine.  It felt like a hundred elephants had decided to tap dance across my face and head.  In the kennel next to the bed, though, I could hear a familiar noise….a muffled little whine.  Barely audible, but I knew exactly who it was and what it meant.  There was a little blue chihuahua who knew that most weekend mornings meant a trip to the pond at the edge of the complex. 

Even though I felt like hammered poop, I dragged myself out of bed, fed him, suited him up in his sage green harness and we walked to the pond.  He was ecstatic.  There was a  playfulness in his nature that instantly made me feel better.  We sat under the tree and I saw the black and white cat coming from a distance.  He was padding softly but I could tell there was an excitement in his step (I had stashed some sardines in a baggie in my pocket before leaving).  Oooh I smelled to high heaven, as we say down south, but that cat was sure enjoying himself.  The blue chihuahua didn’t want anything to do with those stinky old fish. LOL!! 

We got comfortable under our good friend Oak and that spoiled little dog was in my lap before I could blink.  He wanted a good dose of Reiki massage.  Of course he knows I always bring a few stones and crystals with me for such an occasion.  He settled into it and let out a contented grunt.  As I am finishing up the massage, I look beside me and black and white cat is actually sitting right next to me, practically leaning against me.  I didn’t make any sudden movements, I just breathed in and out calmly. He was purring.  I noticed that I was feeling quite a bit better.

Something that has been circling my brain this week is the principle of investing in the magick of others.  I feel that Goddess has always given me a heart of compassion and generosity, but there is so much more.  I love to surprise friends of mine with gifts of stones and crystals, or if they have a need, trying to find a way to help them meet that need.  That lovely, lovely lady showed me this week that it can encompass so much more than that.  She gave me a few wonderful visions this week.  She showed me a cauldron, filled to overflowing with sparkling magickal swirling liquid.  The cauldron was then tipped over and the contents poured all over the courtyard.  Wherever the liquid touched, beautiful flowers leapt forward….and as the flowers bloomed, butterflies and fae appeared.  This magick reached throughout and even beyond my courtyard.  She showed me that it should be the same with me.  Whenever I pour magick forth for others, growth happens…not only in me but in them.  It allows the elements and all magickal beings to thrive in their lives.  All of this because I was willing to empty myself.

Another vision I was given was a vision of two hands closed.  There was so very evidently magick inside of those hands, but it was trapped inside.  It could not go anywhere or do anything.  When those hands were opened, that magick went flying everywhere….covering everything it touched with power.  It dawned on me that there is a reason that casting is done with open hands.  To release and send the magick forth. 

I then thought about a wonderful circle of friends that I have.  Each of us has our own special gifts.  Some are gifted in potions.  Wonderful fragrant cleansing potions.  Some are particularly gifted with tarot and shamanic magick. Some are gifted in garden magick and motherly wisdom.  Some are gifted in moon magick and energy work.  Some are gifted in weather witching and some in animal magick.  All of these things are necessary.  None is more or less powerful than the other.  We all benefit from what the other is capable.  We share, we laugh, we love.  It is like that ripple effect I spoke of last time. All it takes is one finger to stir the water.  That ripple affects everything else it comes in contact with.

I have found that if we keep all the magick and power we have to ourselves that we just become fat, contented witches that never move beyond the confines of our own circle.  There is a world out there with a lot of hurt.  So many have forgotten how to believe in magick.  It is not always about things like world peace.  Sometimes it is just letting that magick show so that someone else experiences that sparkle that they had forgotten exists.

A few years ago, there was a woman who I knew from back home.  She had become bored and tired of life as she knew it.  She was lamenting to me one afternoon close to the Christmas season about how life didn’t hold the magick that it held as a child.  Santa Claus had become a thing of the past and there was no fairy dust or anything that she remembered.  I told her she was wrong and then the wheels started spinning.  Over the next few weeks, I collected all kinds of toys and things from the Dollar store.  I got dolls and trains and stuffed animals.  I got a potted cedar tree and kept everything stored in my sun porch up until Christmas. 

Now, we lived deep in the sticks of the country and I happened to know that this woman would be with her family on Christmas Eve.  With her family’s help, I snuck into her house at Midnight and I decorated the front parlor.  I put the tree up with all those big lights that we had as kids.  I used popcorn for garland and big sparkling ornaments.  I put the train set around the base of the tree and the stuffed animals were all over the room with bows around their necks.  I decorated the fireplace and piano with greenery.  As I left, I gift-wrapped the door and put a sign on it that said, “Do Not Open Until Christmas.” I snuck out of the house and went home to bed.

I got a phone call the next morning really early.  She had gotten home and seen the door.  There was just enough child in her that she left it alone until Christmas morning.  I had to pull on a coat and get over there as quickly as possible.  When she opened the door, she started to cry…not sad  tears…but the tears of a child who has just gotten that final golden ticket.  She ran around the room and had to touch everything.  There was never a thought that I did all of that, but she knew that magick had visited her that Christmas and to this day she still believes in that magick.  That same day, she made Christmas wonderful for some beautiful children in need.  She took all of those toys to the local homeless shelter and let those kids see the magick also.

It doesn’t take something so elaborate, though, to share that magick that flourishes within you.  All it takes is seeing the need and putting forth the magickal effort to find a way of meeting that need….whether it is with energy or whatever you can do.  It also isn’t about just the needs of people.  What about that stray cat that you have seen in the neighborhood?  Or that couple that just got a new puppy and don’t know where to begin?  Or what about that friend who just hasn’t felt like herself over the past few weeks? 

Sometimes the magick isn’t contained in a potion bottle.  Sometimes it isn’t a chant that is spoken like thunder into the wind.  Sometimes that magick is you.

When you feel like it the least is when the Goddess can use you the most.  When you are your emptiest is when she can fill you to overflowing.  You are the most magickal thing she has ever created.  Blessed Be!

Remembering How to Fly…

I got a hard wake up call last night. The roomie and I were walking through Target when this sweet looking little old lady stopped us. She said, “You are both two pretty big fellas. I don’t know that I would want to mess with either of you.” Then she pointed at me and said, “Especially you!” As we started away from her laughing, she turned to us and sweetly said, “Father and son?” She gestured toward me for the father comment. I am only three years older than the roomie. I really had to squelch the thought of wanting to bitch-slap an old lady in those few moments. Again, in those few moments, the roomie spoke some truth that was hard to hear. “You know, you do act older than you used to. You used to laugh alot more….you used to be alot more fun.” I walked away feeling like the one who was bitch-slapped.

Now, it is true that the different trials and tribulations that we tend to face as we age can, as the little saying that is out there goes, dull your sparkle. I just didn’t think my sparkle was so dull. This all made me think of a certain scene from the movie “Hook.” The kids were all sitting around the table trying to get an adult Peter Pan to remember how to use his imagination. One of the kids said out loud, “Awww, he’s forgotten how to play!” The kids then encourage Peter to use his imagination to conjure up a fanciful feast. After some word to word combat with one of the kids, what ensues is a huge imaginary food fight.

I can remember, as a child, swiping mama’s broom out of the utility room and running around the yard with it between my legs, laughing as loud as I could and screaming that I was flying. As adults, we forget to throw ourselves into things with complete reckless abandon. We forget how to be completely inappropriate. Children say whatever comes to mind. Children don’t care what they look like when they do things. Embarrassment is not something that is a part of our make-up. It is something that is learned. Fear is not a part of our make-up. It is also something that is reenforced as we mature. Think about this one long and hard…..If you have a fear of spiders, imagine what your life would be like if you never knew what a spider looked like or what it could do. Would you be afraid of it?

I watched the dogs playing tonight. They were completely lost in the ecstasy of chewing on each other and chasing each other and barking at the top of their voices. They didn’t care that they were making the cats nervous or that the neighbors might hear them. They were enjoying the reckless abandon of play. Adult humans forget how to play. We worry about our next paycheck or the next bill or whether our supervisor sees us as something expired past our “use by” date.

We are often so caught up in all the things around us that we can’t even muster a good belly laugh. When was the last time you laughed so hard you actually might have peed a little? Or when did you last abandon your dignity enough to climb on a see-saw in the middle of the playground?

A friend of mine was talking about all the things she was able to experience at a street festival today…..It brought back memories of another friend. This friend had a tumor on her pituitary gland when she was younger so it affected the way her brain “aged” so to speak. She was always asking me to go to fairs and festivals and all kinds of things that most adults are through with. I remember one night in particular at our county fair. There was a ride called the bullet. Now that night, not only had she stuffed me with every kind of carny food known to man, but she stuffed my rather substantial ass into “The Bullet.” I was wedged in so tight that I could barely breathe. The ride spun and slung and twisted and I could feel every ounce of that food churning. When the ride stopped, I realized I was stuck like a sausage inside of this metal tube. The guy manning the controls pulled and pushed and did all he could to get me loose, but it wasn’t happening. I was laughing and crying and screaming all in one breath. I finally resigned myself to the fact that they were going to have to call for the jaws of life to release me from my metal prison. I visualized the headlines of the local paper the next day and I screamed louder. All of a sudden something loosened and I poured out like melted butter in the dirt. I laid there laughing so hard that I forgot how embarrassed I was.

So this morning, I woke up in a real pissy mood. It stayed that way for most of the day. Finally at about 5 o’clock I had gotten damn tired of it. I went into the closet and dug out my fanciest besom. I took it into the courtyard, climbed on top of the yard sofa, and jumped and ran around the courtyard. I really didn’t give a double damn about who might have heard or seen me. I needed it. I needed to do something with complete reckless abandon. And I needed to laugh at myself doing it…..and I did.
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The Magick of Indifference….

I heard the harshest words I think I have ever heard come out of my partners mouth this past Monday. Those words were, “I don’t feel like you listen to me anymore.” Those words may not sound all that harsh to you, but they cut through me like a sword. The very sound of them hurt deep into my heart.

When we met, there were no smart phones, neither of us had texting packages on our phones and we had one TV with basic cable. At that time of our lives, we were forced to connect with one another. We talked, we laughed, we actually socialized with each other.

Yes, we have been together for almost eight years now and I have heard the arguments before. “All couples drift apart to some degree.” “You have just gotten comfortable with each other.” We weren’t like that for many years, though. Why now?

Laziness is part of it. Believe it or not, we have actually texted each other in the next room rather than get up and talk face to face. We would rather spend time parked in front of a TV, DVR, or Facebook than actually carry on meaningful conversation.

The kicker for me, though, was the phrase, “You spend more time with your Magick than you do me.” My first inclination was to get really defensive….to yell my reasons back at him. He, however, had not raised his voice or said it so accusingly. He said it with his back to me, very matter-of-factly with very little emotion. All I could muster that night was a broken, “I’m sorry.” I rolled over on my side of the bed and my mind began racing. Everything he said was true.

I started to think….I had honestly been pouring more Magick into other people and situations than I had my own partner and our relationship. It is so much easier to give to those who aren’t with you or around you everyday than those that are. “Oh, he will understand. After all, I spend every free moment with him.” Yes, he did understand for a while, but essentially what I was giving him was leftovers. Imagine having cold leftover pizza every night for the rest of your life.

I sat down with him the next night and seriously and wholeheartedly apologized to him for giving him the leftovers. I promised that I would make the effort to listen to him and that I would incorporate him into my Magick. He seemed excited, but you could tell he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

I went on Wednesday after work and bought some dark chocolate and strawberries. I brought him into the kitchen with me when I got home and explained to him what I was going to do. I was going to work some food Magick with him. I melted the chocolate, adding a dash of cinnamon and a dash of cayenne. I stirred the pot widdershins (counterclockwise). I was working with the waning moon. I explained to him that this was to banish anything negative that either one of us had brought into the relationship. I began to recite the words to the spell I had written. He seemed curious, so I asked if he would like to read it with me. He did. After the strawberries were dipped and chilled, I took him into the courtyard and we built a fire in the cauldron together. I brought the strawberries out to him and we had a nice cold glass of moon moscato. Again, I apologized deeply as witnessed by the goddess and we sat on the outdoor sofa and cuddled and drank under the moon. We laughed at the chocolate smeared across our lips.

I could see the goddess smiling. It is about the need directly in front of us. Sometimes we forget that those the closest to us need just a little extra magick poured into them. Sometimes it isn’t enough to just love somebody. Sometimes they need a little extra sugar and spice magick added to your relationship. Sometimes all it takes is charging a crystal so that they can carry it and feel the love that you have for them pulsing from the energy of the crystal. Rose quartz works wonderfully.

Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I…..

I’m Just a Rhinestone In the Rough

With the Yuletide season around me, I am reminded of what it was like to be a child.  I have always been fascinated with the twinkling lights, the tinsel….well, basically anything shiny.  I have friends who have told me that I have the nature of a magpie.  I am attracted to anything that sparkles, shines, or reflects light.  This is all true. 

I have a very beautiful friend who has turned me on to all things Gypsy as of late (no, not the stripper, but the people group).  I am in heaven!  I have fallen in love with the Gypsy wagons.  The insides of some of them sparkle and shine like dozens of diamonds.  We have also discussed bedazzling in length.   I love it!! 

I am very much a male, so I honestly would never be comfortable being a drag queen, but my family has told me for years that if I were a female…I would look very much like Dolly Parton.  This is true also.  Only I don’t think I could heft around those things that she carries in the front.  I  would have to take up bodybuilding just for the back muscles. 

I think for the sparkle factor alone is why most gay men are attracted to the Christmas season…..this is a time when you can let you inner drag queen loose and make the house look like Dolly threw up Christmas.  Granted sometimes the Martha Stewart in me takes over and I do tone it down a bit, but we do have a lot of sparkle around here.

Next year, I think I may see if I can bedazzle the Christmas tree, the tree skirt…..the possibilities are endless!!!!